She rubbed a tender thumb over one of his small dark nipples, smiling as she felt it harden at her caress. Then stepped closer and laid her face against his shoulder—smoothing her cheek against silk-covered sinew, breathing in his scent.
Christian stood like stone, allowing her exploration. “You’re completely forbidden to me,” he said huskily. “We need to stop right now.”
“I can’t,” she said, shooting him a guilty glance. She drew a little away and limped around him, trailing a hand over his hipbone, dropping a soft kiss against his spine and feeling his big body tremble.
“We mustn’t do this, Fee.” His tone was desperate.
“No,” she agreed, still stroking his skin, sliding lower to scrape her fingernails down to his groin. “No—we certainly mustn’t. This is not permissible.” She closed her hand around his hard swaying cock.
Christian swore.
“And,” she whispered, “I couldn’t stop myself right now, if my life depended on it.”
He gathered her against him, trapping her hand between them, and pressing her face against his chest again.
“I just want to hold you,” he murmured, running the other hand down the smooth length of her back and splaying his fingers around her bottom. He reversed the caress for the pleasure of repeating it, and traced the line of her spine downwards again.
Fiona’s fingers clenched around him. She parted her legs a little, inviting exploration.
“We’re not going to do this,” he rasped, trying so hard to convince himself. Trying even harder to keep his fingers decently away from where they itched to wander—and losing the battle.
“Mmmm...”
“I have wanted you,” he whispered, “probably since the moment I set eyes on you, although I was so in love with Jan I didn’t know it then. You can’t imagine how bad that makes me feel...”
“You loved Jan.”
“Of course I did. I adored Jan. She was my perfect wife. And on the day I married her, you appeared.” He dropped a small kiss onto Fiona’s damp hair. “I still remember that strapless dress. Your hair pinned up to show your lovely neck and shoulders.” He bent his head and dragged his lips down her neck, stopping to nip lightly when he felt her pulse pounding. “You were everything that Jan was, and more besides.”
His fingers explored, caressed, stroked her toward flash-point. “For years now I’ve wanted that extra ‘something’ you had, but had the sense to know the only option was to stay well away. Each time I knew you were coming home I had to find an excuse to leave—when I really wanted to be alone with you, talk with you, get to know you.”
“Christian…”
“Yeah. Sad, huh?” He nuzzled her neck again. “But I barely trusted myself to keep my hands off you.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds, remembering the years of frustration.
“You hid it well,” Fiona whispered. “And you’ve got your hands on me now.”
“The timing is hopelessly wrong. Fee, you’re beautiful. You attract me more than you can possibly believe. There’s nothing I want more in this world than to make love to you.” Again he kissed her neck, working slowly up to the sensitive edge of her ear. “But not like this. It’s far too soon. Jan’s memory is way too strong. And you’re not in any shape for it anyway.” He kissed her with deep regret. His other arm wrapped more securely around her.
“So we’ll have to be content with just a hug?”
“Does this feel like ‘just a hug’ to you?”
Her hand flexed around him. His fingers teased her in return.
“We could just...do this for each other...that wouldn’t count as ‘unfaithful’ would it?” Fiona felt ashamed of herself the instant the words left her lips.
“This?” he asked, still caressing her moist flesh with exquisite care.
She dragged her eyes up to his, and saw the guilt in their dark depths.
“Go back to bed, you poor girl,” he whispered. “You’re not up for this. You can barely stand.”
“But you, on the other hand, are wonderfully ‘up for it’,” she suggested, gently squeezing him and sending him a small smile.
And he released her.
She felt a fast-flowing torrent of disappointment and disbelief wash through her as he pulled away. She allowed herself to be helped back into the bedroom and assisted onto the bed. Her heart had been hammering with excitement and longing—now she sensed it starting to lurch with loss.
She collapsed against the pillows, stricken with regret, as he returned silently to the en suite. She’d been so close to paradise...finally in his arms...but now he’d ripped himself away. Cool shadows flooded in and invaded the bedroom, floating over her as though he’d been bright warm sunshine which was now engulfed by choking cloud.