The Wright Boss(94)

"Maybe. Maybe not," Heidi said.

"I don't want to talk about Miranda or think about the person I was when I was with her. I only want to be exactly who I am when I'm with you."

She closed her eyes and turned her head to the stars. She was shaking slightly from the chill. Lubbock was so windy all the time that it would make nights cold. I slipped off the North Face I'd put on earlier and slung it around her shoulders. She looked like she wanted to protest but was too cold to do so.

"Thanks." Her eyes dropped to the ground and then back up to mine. "I'm sorry for yelling at you the other day."

My jaw nearly hit the ground. "You are?"

"I was angry and frustrated and so, so pissed off. I took all of that out on you. Whether or not you think it's your fault, you didn't deserve how I treated you."

"Heidi, my firecracker," I said with a chuckle, "I could never love you less for yelling at me."

I took a step toward her, and she took one back.

"But I can't do this."

"What?" I asked, my voice coming out harsher than I'd intended. "What do you mean?"

"What I'm feeling is crippling," she told me. "Completely physically debilitating. It is turning my entire world upside down, and I'm trying to find where I still fit in. I lost my job and my identity all in one fell swoop."

"Don't you think that I, of all people, understand what that's like?" I asked. "When I injured my back, golf was gone. Something I had been doing my entire life. The only job I had ever known. And not just that, but I was physically limited from that point on. I was half the man that I had been all because of one bad swing. I think I can understand what it feels like to have an identity crisis."

"Fuck, I know. I do know that you have been here before. And I'm sorry that I yelled at you, but it doesn't really change how I feel. It doesn't change the fact that what happened … I associate with you and your family. So, it makes this hard." She gestured between us.

"Being with me?"

"Being near you," she corrected. "Seeing you and knowing that I love you and that I can't let this go. That I can't forgive and forget. That, right now, I hate the Wrights and everything they fucking stand for. Because I lost myself, got caught up in you, and did exactly what I'd sworn I wouldn't do. Now, I'm fucked."

"I see," I said, suddenly miserable again.

She loved me, but she didn't want to even be near me. Miranda had hated my family for no reason, and now, Heidi hated them with good reason. I couldn't fucking win. 

"So, I just … I need time, Landon."

Hello, time, my old friend.

"Of course," I found myself saying. "It's the last thing that I want to give you, but I will if you think it will help."

She took a stutter step forward, as if she wanted to throw herself into my arms. Then, she seemed to catch herself and stopped. She shrugged out of my jacket and offered it back to me.

"Keep it."

"I can't."

"Please, Heidi. Let me take care of you even if you don't want to be taken care of."

I bridged the distance that she had been hesitant to cross before and tugged the jacket closer around her. Her eyes were round with concern at my nearness. But she didn't pull away.

"You might hate me right now, but I'll be right here. If you need me, if you think you can move past what happened. I'll be here, trying to fix what I broke between us." I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her forehead. "I should have waited for you. I should have probably waited until Jensen or Morgan moved me. There are a ton of things I could have done, but I can't regret our time together. I never will. You stole my heart completely with that first kiss in the back of Flips, and I don't even want it back."

A tear slipped down her cheek, and I gently swiped it off her face.

"No more tears, love."

"I'm sorry, Landon," she said in a choked gasp.

Then, she turned away from me and fled through the cemetery, leaving me with nothing but the dead to console my broken heart.





Thirty-Seven



Heidi


"I cannot believe that I let you talk me into this," I said with a heavy sigh as Julia parked her SUV in the parking lot of the Overton.

"It'll be fine," Emery insisted from the passenger seat.

I was seated in the back in the dusty-rose slip dress that Julia had gotten for me. I had no idea why in the hell I was wearing it or why I was about to attend the Wright Charity Benefit.

"I have it on good authority that Landon isn't even going to be here, and you know most of the company doesn't even show up. It's mostly for hoity-toity types with a lot of money to dish out," Julia reminded me again. "Engineering would never show up for this."