Landon lugged my suitcase inside while I checked the mail. I tucked the mail under my arm as I dashed inside to try to get out of the rain.
"Oh my God, it's like a monsoon out there," I said, throwing the mail onto the counter and shaking out my soaking wet hair.
"Yeah. No joke. You would never guess that we were normally a desert climate."
I laughed. "No way. I'm going to change out of these wet clothes."
"Can I watch?" he asked with a grin.
"Why do I have a feeling that's not all you're going to do?"
"No idea." He tried and failed to give me a look of innocence.
"I'll just be a minute."
I traipsed into my bedroom and stripped out of my travel gear. I changed into pajama bottoms and a T-shirt before towel-drying my hair. I looked like a wet dog but whatever.
When I walked back out to the living room, Landon was sitting on the couch, holding a plain white letter in his hand. He was gently tapping it against the coffee table. His eyes found mine across the room.
"What are you doing with that?" I asked, my voice small.
"Just saw it in the pile of mail. You still haven't read any of them, have you?"
"No. Because I'm not going to ever read them. I don't want to talk to him."
Landon stood to face me. The letter between us felt like a barrier. "You shouldn't compartmentalize this the way that you do, Heidi. I know that you miss him. I know that you only allow yourself one day a year to think about him. But it's here every single week as a reminder. Aren't you the least bit curious?"
"No," I said fervently. "I'm not curious. I don't want to hear from the man who did everything he could to ruin my life."
"You and I both know that's not true."
"Yes, it is!" I cried.
"You didn't think that way about him in high school, and he was using then. He might have fucked up. He might have done horrible things. But he loves you. He put you through cheerleading. He came to all of the football games. He threw you that graduation party."
"Ancient history! I can't forget about all the times that I had to take care of his drunk ass when I was the kid. I was the one who needed to be taken care of. Throwing money at a problem doesn't make it go away."
"No, it doesn't," Landon said with a sigh. He walked forward to me and handed me the letter. "But the last thing I said to my dad before he died was something horrible, and I would give anything to have one more day with him. One more moment to make things right. But I will never have that. You have that, and you're throwing it away."
I felt like I had been burned with a cigarette. I recoiled back from the statement as tears sprang to my eyes. Never in the six years that my dad was gone had I once thought about actually reading his letters, actually talking to him. But I'd never thought about it like Landon had. If I could, wouldn't I do everything to have one more day with my mom? My dad might be horrible. He might have ruined my life and his own, but maybe I was in the wrong for not giving him a second chance.
Landon's arms were around me as all these emotions hit me at once. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to decide today. I just don't want you to ignore him forever and live to regret never having a relationship with him again."
"I don't know if I can." I sniffled.
"You'll know when it's time."
I pulled back and peered down at the letter. My heart constricted. I didn't know if I had the strength today. I needed more time to contemplate it.
"Not yet," I whispered. "Will you … will you be here when I'm ready?"
"Always," he told me. "I will always be here when you need me."
I leaned back into his embrace, my mind trapped on the box of letters hidden away in my closet. The thought of going them, of ripping open years of wounds, left me drained, and I hadn't even touched them yet. I was scared of what I would find-that, as right as I thought I was about my father, I might also be wrong. What if I had wasted six years for nothing? And worse … what if everything I had done to shield my heart from him was for no good reason?
Landon left later that night when I got a text from Emery, saying that she was on her way home. He needed to get his stuff home and change out of his own travel clothes. Plus, he didn't want to run into Jensen just yet. I knew that conversation was probably going to have to come up again, but neither of us wanted it to be like this.
Emery showed up with Jensen, as expected. It made me happy for my friend and jealous that she didn't have to hide anything. But, when she saw me sitting in the living room, watching Moana, she shooed him out of the apartment, and we spent the rest of the night catching up while she finished some last-minute grading.