"Fuck, Heidi," he groaned.
My hands wrapped around his shoulders, feeling the muscles in his back as I dragged him against me. I forgot where we were or what I was doing. I was just living in the moment. He grasped the back of one of my legs and hoisted it up around his waist. His fingers slipped up my dress and dug into my exposed thigh, leaving indents as he reveled in the taut muscle.
He kissed up my neck and sucked on my earlobe. A desperate, throaty breath escaped my mouth.
"Landon … "
"Come back home with me."
"I can't," I whispered.
His lips grazed mine, and it took everything in me not to give in to that kiss. And, God, I wanted to. I wanted everything he was offering.
"This is what I wanted if I'd won," he said. "Just you."
I whimpered at that. My hands fisted his shirt. My heart beat as fast as if I had run a marathon. His words were so enticing. Exactly what I had wanted to hear all along.
But, if I gave in, I'd hate myself later. I'd hate myself for not waiting until the divorce was finalized … if it was ever finalized. I'd hate that he was my boss, and with one kiss, I could lose the career I'd worked so hard for. And I'd hate that I'd hurt Nick. Though I didn't feel for him what I felt for Landon, it wasn't right to allow this to happen.
Finally, with all the willpower I could muster, I pushed Landon back. "No."
"No?" he asked with a furrowed brow. "No what?"
"This doesn't change anything."
"What the hell, Heidi?"
"You just dropping on me that you're leaving Miranda doesn't change anything," I told him.
"Of course not. I tell you I'm leaving my wife and that I want to be with you, and that means nothing to you? Makes perfect sense."
"But you haven't left her yet! You're still with her!"
"Legally, we're separated. And in another couple of months, we'll be divorced," he groaned. "You want to wait around for her to sign a document that I initiated and already signed. One that says our marriage is irretrievably broken and that we're unable to mend our irreconcilable differences."
"I don't know, Landon. I don't know about any of that. It's all too much at once. I'm on a date with someone else, and you're trying to seduce me. That's fucked up."
Landon took a step back and sighed. He closed his eyes for a second. I could tell that he hated how this had all happened. Maybe not the kissing part, but that it had gotten so out of control.
I was shaking and just wanted to leave. Not that I wanted to see Nick. I obviously had to break it off after what had happened. I'd already been planning to do it, but this thing with Landon made it inevitable. Julia was going to kick my ass for messing up a good thing. If only I'd had the slightest connection with Nick. If only Landon hadn't come back to town.
"You're right," he finally said.
"I am?"
"Yes. This wasn't what I wanted to happen. And I'm sorry for ruining your date."
"You are?" I narrowed my eyes, wondering what the catch was.
"I went about this the wrong way." His eyes were sincere. "I do want this with you, Heidi, but I'm not going to push you if you're not ready. If you want to wait until the divorce is finalized, then I can wait. I'll wait for you."
My heart stuttered at his words. He really meant it, too. He might have pushed me today, but his eyes said he'd wait. Landon and I had turned that corner back in January, when we had been reckless enough to sneak off together. When we had almost crossed that line. Even when he'd told me we couldn't talk anymore, I'd known it was because he cared too much. Not because he didn't care at all.
Yet, no matter how close we had become in the last year, it was hard not to think that I might be some rebound from his wife. Still, I wanted to believe the look he was giving me that said that wasn't the case.
"You'll wait for me?"
"As long as you need. But just don't … settle for that guy in the meantime."
I colored at the accusation. As if I could choose Nick over him.
He nodded when he saw my expression. "I'll rally the troops and head out. I really don't want to hurt you, Heidi."
He leaned forward and brushed his lips against my cheek. I couldn't help myself. I sighed into that touch. With that one touch, my skin hummed, and my body came alive. He might be walking away and doing what I'd asked of him, but my traitorous body told him all he needed to know.
"Landon," I whispered as he turned to go.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."