The truth is I’d probably die if she were. Doesn’t she know that? Doesn’t she understand that I was mad when I said that? That’s what we Bennetts do when we’re mad; we say mean things to each other, hoping it will make us feel better, even though it never does. Doesn’t she understand that? Hasn’t she seen Mom and Dad fight? After all, that’s what they do. But I mean…she’s still my sister.
Not knowing what else to do or say, I turn and rush out of the room. “Mom! Are you home yet? Ann says she’s going to die…!”
Chapter 19
Cade
ANN IS STARING AGAIN at the hearts she drew. “Everyone’s going to die,” she whispers softly to herself. “One way or another.”
For a full minute I just stand there, not knowing what to do.
Should I leave? Maybe I should say something. But what?
Finally she gets up and walks out of the room, saying only, “If Mom gets back from the store before I’m back, tell her I won’t be long.”
A moment later I hear the back door open and shut. I quickly run to the bedroom window to see Ann walking by herself toward the beach. She has her arms wrapped around herself, like she’s giving herself a hug. Someone must’ve taken my binoculars, because they’re sitting right in her window. I pick them up and continue watching. She heads straight for the ocean. Not quickly, though. Slowly, like she doesn’t really want to go. When she reaches the wet sand, she stops at the edge of the water, just beyond the spot where the waves fizzle out. It’s the closest I’ve seen her to the ocean since we’ve been here. Even from this distance I can see that her body is rigid, like she’s a statue. The only movement is her hair, blowing in the wind. She is still holding herself. And staring at the water.
I wish I knew what she was thinking.
I wish I knew why she said all that stuff about dying.
I wish Bree hadn’t wished Ann was dead.
After standing there frozen for like five minutes, Ann finally starts walking up the beach toward town, so I head downstairs, where Bree is watching the fuzzy TV, still waiting for Mom to arrive so she can be the first to tell her what Ann said.
Sure enough, when Mom walks through the front door with a bag of notebooks and pens, Bree blurts out, “Ann says she’s going to die!”
Mom’s eyes get humongous. “Like…now?”
“No, but she’s talking like she’s giving up. Like she doesn’t care if she lives or dies anymore. She even said a meteor might hit our house and wipe us all out.”
“Where is she?”
“Out on the beach,” I tell her. “She said she’ll be right back.” I glance at Bree. “I don’t think she meant she’s dying right now. More like…everyone is going to die.”
Mom nods, and seems to relax. “I’ve had this discussion with her, and I’m sure I’ll have it again. I don’t want her to be afraid of death, and it’s natural for her to think about it, given the situation. But you guys can help by not bringing it up.” She focuses on Bree. “And saying things like, ‘I wish you were dead’ are about the worst things you can say to her right now.”
Bree throws up her hands. “I didn’t mean it!”
The sound of footsteps behind us pulls my head in that direction. Ann is standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. “Good to know,” she says. “Since I’m still alive.” It kinda seems like she is smiling now, but not quite. But she definitely looks happier than when she left.
For a moment, everyone is looking around to see who’s going to speak next. Finally Mom says, “Well, now that we’re all here, let’s make lunch and then you can start the game.”
I love games.
Duh…who doesn’t?
I especially love beating my sisters at games, even though that hardly ever happens, which is why I can’t wait for lunch to be over. I mean, it’s not like I’m looking forward to being nice to them or anything, but I can’t wait to win. My whole life they’ve always been bigger, smarter, faster, or plain old better than me at stuff, but in this game we’re all equal.
Whatever it takes, I will win.
While we’re fixing lunch in the kitchen, Mom helps us set the rules. It’s pretty simple: Just like in Grandma’s version, everyone will be given their own individual notebook for tallying the things we do to show kindness to someone else. Figuring out prizes is a bit tricky, because everyone wants different things—and there’s only so much money Mom is willing to spend, and it’s not much—but eventually me and Bree and Ann agree that the winner each week will get first choice of seats on car rides for the following week, and whoever wins the whole summer will get a hundred dollars to spend however we want.