“OK,” Cade says resolutely. “We’ll take it easy. For Ann.”
Emily nods her head in appreciation. “She just needs to relax and be happy—‘chill,’ as you kids say—and bide her time until the right heart comes along. Then, hopefully, things will get better.” She glances at me briefly, then quickly looks away.
Does she mean “better for Ann”? Or “better for us”?
“When will she get it?” asks Bree.
I have to shrug. “Tough to predict. She’s on a list, so she has to wait her turn. Could be a month before they find an adequate donor, could be much longer. But the doctors are really hoping it happens by the end of the summer. If she avoids strenuous activity for the next few months, she should be fine. But the longer it takes to find a donor, the greater risk of…well, let’s just pray they find a donor.”
“So that’s what we have to look forward to this summer?” Bree whines. “Sitting around here doing nothing, all because Ann can’t do anything?” Bree’s not a bad kid, but she’s at that stage in life where she knows the world turns, she just hasn’t figured out that it doesn’t revolve around her.
“Well, not quite,” I tell her. “An opportunity has presented itself, and we’d like to know what you think. As you know, your great-grandmother’s health has taken a turn for the worse. Now that she’s in the nursing home full-time, she really needs someone to look after things at her beach house, and we’ve been asked if we’d like to stay there for the summer. We talked it over with Ann tonight, and she would love a change of scenery. It’s kind of a win-win—the ocean would obviously be very relaxing for Ann, Mom would get to be near her grandmother all summer long, plus you guys would have the beach, so you wouldn’t have to be cooped up all day. What do you think?”
For Cade, it’s a no-brainer. “Awesome!”
Bree’s reaction, while less than enthusiastic, is no less predictable. “Uh…b-t-dubs, I have friends to think about. You’re taking me away from them all summer?”
B-t-dubs. That’s Bree’s long way of saying “b-t-w,” which is a short way of saying “by the way.” Apparently it’s an eighth-grade thing. I tried telling her once that saying “by the way” would be a whole lot easier for people to understand, but she just rolled her eyes.
“Breezy, it’s for Ann,” Emily replies.
“It’s always for Ann,” she groans.
“Your friends will still be here when you get back, Bree,” I interject. “And who knows, maybe they can visit over the summer. It’s not that far. I’ll be coming back and forth anyway—maybe I can bring a couple of them for a weekend.”
“What do you mean you’re coming back and forth?” asks Cade. “You’re not staying there with us?”
My eyes are drawn briefly toward Emily, but she looks away again. “Actually,” I reply pensively, “that’s the other thing we wanted to talk to you about. I know it’s not ideal, but I won’t be able to be there the whole time with you guys. I’ll go for a day or so at the start, to get you settled in, but then I’ve got to come back to Portland. I’ve got a lot going on at work right now, but I’ll come visit as often as I can on the weekends.”
I hate lying to the kids. The truth is, Emily and I agreed we needed some space. Well…I agreed. Emily is mostly just going along.
I look her way again. She wipes at something in her eye, then forces a weary smile and bravely tells the kids, “We’ll make do when he’s not around. The important thing is that Ann gets away for a little bit. She’s always loved the ocean.”
“You guys aren’t like…separating or anything…are you? Because that would be totes lame.”
“Totes,” I recently learned, is the lazy-teen vernacular for “totally.” And she’s right, separating would be “totes lame.” Maybe that’s why we’re not calling it a separation. It’s more just…an opportunity for some space.
Sadly, it isn’t the first time in the past year that that particular question has been voiced in our home. It usually comes up after one of our arguments, during those awkward moments when we’re still not speaking to each other.
“Oh, heaven’s no,” Emily gushes. “This is just…given the circumstances and everything…and let’s not forget it will be a good change of pace for everyone. So even if it’s not the perfect situation, at least we’ll be together as a family on weekends.”