The Weirdness(91)

“You don’t need to remind me,” Lucifer says, “of the protocols of the Treaty of Sectarian Nonaggression.”

“I would hope that I would not,” Krishna says, “as you assented to them on October 25, 1965, and you assented to an earlier yet functionally identical version of them on October 24, 1648, in the form of—”

“The Peace of Pantheons,” Lucifer says, wearily. “Believe me, I remember.”

“Nevertheless,” Krishna says, “perhaps it would be worth taking the time to review their principles, which explicitly prohibit any god, demigod, angel, archangel, demon, or devil from deliberately harming or threatening to harm human adherents of any member faith. Therefore, when you endangered Anil Mallick with hellfire—”

“But—” Lucifer points at Anil. “He’s a secular humanist!”

“He is Hindu,” says Krishna.

“His parents are Hindu,” Lucifer stresses.

“It is true that he has claimed that he is not the best example of a practicing Hindu,” Krishna says. “But even a not-very-good example remains an example.”

“So, okay, maybe he’s Hindu. But a treaty violation only means—”

“Among other things,” Krishna says, “what that means is that you forfeit the right to any gains directly acquired by means of the acts which violated the treaty. And because William Harrison Ridgeway was coerced into—”

“He prefers Billy,” Lucifer says, although suddenly Billy isn’t certain that he does, any longer.

“Because William Harrison Ridgeway was coerced into swearing his Dark Oath to you in order to remove Anil Mallick from danger, and because Anil Mallick was endangered in violation of the Treaty of Sectarian Nonaggression, the penalties you face include an invalidation of William Harrison Ridgeway’s Oath, effective immediately.”

And with those words Billy feels it go, as though washed away by cold, clear water rushing through his mind. He inhales once, deeply.

“You cheat,” says Lucifer.

“Lucifer,” Krishna says. He returns the document to its case and claps it shut. “My intercession here is complete, or nearly complete, and so I intend to depart. But I shall leave you with one recommendation. Whatever business you may have with these people? Conclude it.”

“Yes, fine,” Lucifer says. “Give my best to your sixteen thousand wives.”

For the first time, an irritated look crosses Krishna’s face. “You do understand that those wives are manifestations of Lakshmi, my consort—?”

Lucifer shrugs. “If you insist,” he says.

Krishna sighs, and in the sigh is the sound of a river, an infinite river, and when the sound fades Krishna is gone, although it’s difficult to pinpoint any exact instant as being the one at which he disappeared, and in a way it is like he is still there with them. The situation still feels balanced. Billy turns to check out the detector, which is dormant, and he notices that Anil has disappeared, spirited away by his god. Billy senses him returned home, bewildered, worried but safe.

“So,” Lucifer says, returning his attention to Billy.

“So,” Billy says. “Now what?”

“Nothing has changed,” says Lucifer. “I still intend to take you and the others to Hell with me, where you shall serve the purpose for which you were bred and born. No ward protects you. I can take you at any time.”

“But that’s not fair,” Billy says. “You don’t get to take us just because you can.”

“I never claimed to be fair, Billy,” Lucifer says, softly.

“But that wasn’t the deal,” Billy says.

“Billy,” Lucifer says. “We made no deal.”

“We did,” Billy says, pleadingly.

“We did not,” Lucifer says. “You are correct that I proposed a deal, originally. You will recall the terms: you were to have given me the Neko, and I was to have seen to it that your book would be published, and our obligations to one another were to mutually conclude. But you did not agree to that deal. You made a point, repeatedly, of saying that you were not agreeing to that deal. And now I want more.”

“You said you enjoyed tempting people,” Billy said. “Show me. Tempt me. Give me something.”

“Billy,” Lucifer says. “It is time to go.” He raises his hand.

Billy looks Lucifer in his stupid placid face, and feels his anger and animal ferocity surge up again. He finds himself wanting blood in his mouth.

“No,” he says.

“No?” Lucifer says, sounding faintly amused.

“No.”

Lucifer regards Billy carefully. “Are you telling me,” he says, “that you won’t serve your master?”