Nothing’s going to happen with me when I’m with James.
She didn’t have a right to that belief, but she couldn’t shake it. He might have been the reason she was taken the last time, but so much had changed since then. Hell, everything had changed. She couldn’t say as much to Aiden, though. “I’m sorry I worried you.”
“Which isn’t the same thing as saying you won’t do it again.” He dropped next to her on the bed with a sigh. “We might be at peace, but that doesn’t mean a damn thing and we both know it. There are more enemies to fear than just the Hallorans.”
Considering she’d spent the night with one and was no worse for wear, she believed it. Except…“What other enemies?”
“I don’t know.” He laughed, but not like anything was funny. “All I’m getting are rumors and things that could be coincidence. Father thinks I’m insane, but I can’t help feeling like someone is circling us, looking for weaknesses.” He grabbed her arm. “Promise me you won’t go out alone anymore, Carrigan. I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you.” Again. The last word might be unspoken, but it still stood between them. The truth was that she was a liability, and her habits made her even more so.
“You know I only have until my birthday to make a decision.”
He didn’t look at her. “I know.”
“And you’re still asking me to be good and stay out of trouble, even though this is my last chance at a little slice of freedom?”
“I am.” A muscle in his jaw twitched. “I might be a dick, but I think your life is worth more than your happiness.”
She wasn’t sure if she agreed. Oh, Carrigan didn’t want to die. She’d come face-to-face with that fate in the Halloran house and she’d fought tooth and nail to avoid it. But happiness was such a delicate and fleeting thing. She’d gotten a glimpse of what it might feel like last night with James, and she craved more, like a junkie jonesing for her next hit.
She couldn’t make the promise Aiden wanted—not without lying. She slipped her arm free of his hold. “Let’s get through this wedding, and then we’ll talk.”
“Carrigan—”
“I’ve got to shower and get changed. I’ll make sure I apologize to Mother for missing the activities she had planned today.” Maybe if she kept talking, he’d realize there was no way in hell this discussion was happening today—or ever.
Aiden sighed again. “Fine. You win this time. Get your shit together and I’ll see if I can calm down Father before the rehearsal. Don’t be late.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” She held her breath until he left her room, closing the door softly behind him, and then lay back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Aiden didn’t understand what he was asking of her. He felt bad about it, at least in theory, but he was like Seamus in only seeing the bottom line. The only difference between her brother and father was that her brother would lose his mind if he lost her. Even with all the changes he’d gone through lately, she never doubted Aiden loved her. That love wouldn’t be enough for him to defy their father’s plans for her, but it was there nonetheless.
But obeying meant never seeing James again. Never seeing those icy blue eyes flare hot with desire. Never losing herself in his arms. Never delving into the secrets he carried around with him like Atlas carrying the world.
She couldn’t do it.
It was more than just the deadline bearing down on her. She couldn’t give James up. Not yet. Not until she absolutely had to.
Sloan drifted through the reception hall, a glass of white wine dangling from her fingers. She didn’t usually drink, but after the day with her mother, it was a necessary measure. She leaned against the wall, searching the people’s faces around her. Carrigan was back. She knew that. But she wouldn’t be able to breathe easy until she actually laid eyes on her sister.
She’s got to stop disappearing like this. Everyone worries so much, and it throws everything into chaos.
The words fell flat, even in her head. The truth was she envied Carrigan her nights of freedom. They might be small in the grand scale of things, but they were more than Sloan could work up the courage to do for herself. Her only escape lay in the books populating the house’s library, and even those were cold comfort these days. Fantasy worlds were all well and good, but there always came the time when she had to put down the book and resume real life. She might face dragons and beautiful men and adventures beyond telling in those pages, but in her day-to-day life she was just a rabbit of a woman. Cillian used to tease her when they were little, saying she was afraid of her own shadow.