“Yeah, honey?”
“My brother is no longer allowed in this club—or any of the ones in Halloran territory.” He couldn’t let this go on unchecked. Ricky wasn’t trustworthy, and James wasn’t about to let his brother near people they were supposed to be protecting until he could be sure he wouldn’t have to protect them from Ricky.
She fumbled a new cigarette out of her pack, cursing when it fell to the faded carpet. “But—”
“It’s not open for discussion. Inform the bouncers. If he gives you trouble, you call me, you understand?”
“I understand.” She scooped up the cigarette and fled the room, shutting the door softly behind her.
Goddamn it. He hated playing the monster. The more often he put on the mask, the less like a mask it felt. Making Lisa Marie scurry from the room left a bad taste in his mouth. No one seemed to notice or care that he was trying to do the right thing. That knowledge shouldn’t surprise him, and it sure as hell shouldn’t sting.
It did.
He pushed to his feet with a sigh. Once he had the list of girls, he’d figure out his next step. He couldn’t just throw money at them—it’d be insult to injury—but there had to be something he could do. There was no making something like this right, but fuck if he was going to ignore it.
No one approached him as he walked down the stairs and through the club. He was used to people being wary of him, but there was actual fear in the air. It clung to the back of his throat, a taste he wished he didn’t know. He had to struggle to keep his pace even and walk out of there like nothing was wrong. The cold night air didn’t do shit to keep him feel like the world was closing in on him. James made it to his car and climbed in, locking the doors and starting the engine.
Only then did he lean back against the seat and close his eyes and concentrate on breathing. Inhale. Hold for one, two, three. Exhale. And again. By the fifth time, the static hovering at the edge of his thoughts retreated and he was able to put the car into gear and get the hell out of there.
He wished…
But no, there was no point in wishing on stars or any of that shit. His life was the way it was, and so was his current situation. It was sink or swim. If he sank, he’d take down too many people with him. Ricky had more than proven that he wouldn’t protect the weak under his domain. Even if James was willing to leave the Halloran name and responsibilities behind, he couldn’t leave the people who needed him.
It would just be so much easier to handle this shit if he was sure that the kernel of evil that seemed to flourish in his old man and brothers wasn’t doing the same damn thing inside of him. He wasn’t a good man. He had no illusions about that. But there was a long haul between “not good” and “fucking monster.”
He hoped.
He grabbed his phone before he could think better of it, and dialed the number he’d had for months but never used. It rang and rang, and right when he was about to hang up, she answered, “Hello?”
Carrigan’s voice was like a soft ocean breeze, washing away all the shit of the last few hours. James took his first full breath since he left the strip club. “Hey, lovely.”
Chapter Six
Carrigan sat up in bed, blinking into the darkness. She had to be dreaming. It was the only explanation for hearing James’s voice growling in her ear. But no, it couldn’t be a dream because she hadn’t been sleeping. She checked the clock. Four a.m. She’d left him at the club a little over two hours ago. He should be…hell, she didn’t know. Doing anything else but calling her right now. “What do you want?” Instead of coming out harsh, the words were barely more than a whisper. Needy. Damn it.
He took a long time to answer, his breathing the only thing breaking the silence between them. “It’s the damnedest thing, Carrigan, but I don’t fucking know.”
It might have been the realest thing he’d ever said to her. She stared into the darkness, her mind frantically paging through possible responses—everything from making a joke and turning things sexual to actually responding in kind—but James spoke again before she had a chance to settle on a choice.
“Right now, though, I want you.”
There they were—back on firm ground once again. She knew how to verbally spar with this man, how to keep him at a distance while still wanting him closer, how to dance on the dangerous edge of the attraction that licked between them like the hottest flame. She didn’t know how to deal with the soul-deep weariness he’d just shown her.
So she ignored it.
“Like I haven’t heard that before.”