‘That's kind of you, but … but I don't actually think that I am pregnant,' Lizzie fibbed. She was still in shock, battling to accept the reality of the situation, torn between tears of despair and joy. She longed with all her heart to believe that the man she loved would react to the news of the child they had created together with pride and love. But how could that happen when Ilios did not love her?
Pregnant. She was pregnant. It seemed so obvious now that she couldn't believe she had not realised for herself. What should she do? Ilios had a right to know, of course. What would he say? What would he do? He wanted sons. Would the knowledge that she was carrying his child soften his heart towards her or harden it? Lizzie wished she knew. But if he rejected her and their child then at least his son or daughter would have a family who loved it in England.
A powerful surge of maternal need to protect her unborn child raced through her. Ilios might not want the child they had created together, but she would love it-doubly so, because she would love it for itself and because it came from Ilios.
Back at their table, she wanted to yawn again. On the other side of the table Ariadne smiled knowingly at her, telling her husband, ‘Lizzie is tired. She isn't yet used to our habit of eating late, I expect. Ilios, you must take her home and look after her.'
Lizzie stiffened, horrified that despite her promise Ariadne might announce that she thought Lizzie was pregnant. But to her relief Ariadne announced that they too did not want a late night as her mother was babysitting.
They left the restaurant together, and said their goodbyes in a flurry of hugs and kisses in the street next to their parked cars. Ariadne's warm hug for Lizzie was patently meaningful.
Leaning back against the comfortable support of the passenger seat of Ilios's car, whilst he drove them back to the apartment, Lizzie closed her eyes, her thoughts driven by panic and despair. She was pregnant. She was carrying Ilios's child. Despite the turmoil of her thoughts, somewhere deep inside Lizzie there was a small pool of calm and joy in the knowledge that she was carrying the most precious gift that life could give: the child of the man she loved.
Chapter Sixteen
LIZZIE gave Maria a wan smile as they stepped into the lift together. It was a week since she had realised that she was pregnant, and she still hadn't told Ilios. But then she hadn't really had much opportunity to do so, since he avoided her as much as he could. Lizzie wished that she was braver-that she had the courage to confront him, to tell him outright that he could treat her as he chose but his child had a right to his love. She had been out for a walk to try and clear her thoughts. Ilios was being so cold to her that she knew it was pointless her hoping that he would ever return her love.
The lift moved silently upwards. Lost in the despair of her own thoughts, Lizzie forgot to keep her back turned away from the glass wall and the yawning cavity below, the sight of which always made her feel nervous. She had suffered from a fear of heights for as long as she could remember, and the movement of the lift and its glass structure only made her feel worse.
A wave of dizziness engulfed her, making her lose her balance. The lift had stopped, but she felt too nauseous to move.
Maria took control, taking hold of her arm and supporting her as she guided her determinedly from the lift, across the hallway into the apartment. Lizzie felt too unwell to do anything but allow Maria to do so. A cold sweat had broken out on her forehead and her stomach was churning. When Maria released her to close the door, Lizzie slid to the floor in a dead faint.
When she came round Maria was kneeling on the floor beside her, her face flushed with excited delight as she a patted Lizzie's hand maternally and assured her, ‘You do not worry. It is just the baby Ilios make with you makes you faint. He will be a big fine boy. Already he is causing his mama trouble. You stay there. I telephone Ilios and tell him to get doctor to come.'
‘No!' Lizzie protested, horrified. ‘No, Maria, please … ' she begged her. This wasn't how she wanted Ilios to learn that he was to become a father. ‘There's no need. I'm perfectly all right.' But it was no use. Maria already had the phone in her hand and was speaking at speed into it in Greek, gesturing as she did so.
Very carefully Lizzie got to her feet and made her way to the living room, where she sat down on one of the sofas. She still felt queasy, and slightly dizzy, but then she hadn't eaten any breakfast this morning. She'd planned to eat something whilst she was out, but she hadn't, and now she suspected the baby was making its displeasure known. A haunted smile touched her mouth as Lizzie remembered how firm she had been with Ruby about eating properly when she had been carrying the twins.
She could hear Ilios's voice in the hallway now, as he spoke in Greek to Maria. Her heart was jumping, her mouth dry. Matters had been taken out of her hands and there was no going back. Thanks to Maria, Ilios would now know that he was going to be a father. What would he say? What would he do?
The door opened and he came into the living room, striding towards her and then standing over her. He wasn't wearing a jacket, and his shirt emphasised the powerful width of his shoulders-shoulders that a woman could lean on, so long as that woman wasn't her.
‘Maria says you fainted.'
Ilios's voice was harsh-with anger? Lizzie fought down the threatened return of her earlier nausea. Ginger biscuits-that was what she needed. They had worked for Ruby, she remembered.
‘Is it true that there is to be a child?' Ilios demanded grimly.
Lizzie couldn't bring herself to speak. She could only nod her head, well able to imagine how unwelcome to him her confirmation would be.
Anger seized Ilios-a furious, savage, blinding rage that exploded inside him like a fireball, devouring reason, humanity and compassion. This was the very last thing he wanted-to be tied to anyone. And especially to this woman, who he had been fighting to keep out of his thoughts, his desires and his emotions, by anything, but most of all by a child. A living, breathing human life that would bind the three of them together with cords that no mere man had the power to break. Ilios wanted to bunch his fists and cry out to the gods his denial of this claim on him. He did not want it and never would.
‘You did this deliberately-despite the fact that you knew I would not want it,' he accused Lizzie, conveniently forgetting that he himself had played the greater role in his child's conception. ‘No doubt you were hoping to force me into accepting both you and your child-a child I expect you see as a meal ticket that will enable you to live in comfort for the rest of your life.'
Lizzie felt sick with grief and pain.
‘No!' she told him. ‘That is not what I thought.'
‘No?' Ilios challenged her. ‘Do you think I am such a fool that I can't see now what you really wanted when you claimed to desire me? What you really desired was what you are now carrying within you. My child-born into a legal marriage. A child that I cannot deny or refuse to accept. A child that will have a lifelong financial claim on me.'
‘That's not true,' Lizzie denied frantically.
‘You had it all planned, didn't you?' Ilios gave her a look of biting contempt. ‘Well, I refute your claim and I refute your child. Both you and it are as nothing to me. Less than nothing.'
That was all Lizzie needed to hear. Ilios's cruel words had fallen on her like blows-blows she would not allow her child to bear.
She stood up, despite the fact that she felt so weak, and started to walk towards the door.
When she reached it she turned round and told Ilios proudly, ‘Your child might be less than nothing to you, Ilios, but to me he or she is the most precious thing in my life. You're right. I did hope for lifelong security from you when I told you I desired you, even if at the time I didn't recognise it for what it was myself. But the lifelong security I wanted wasn't your money, it was your love-in exchange for my love for you. Now that you've made it plain that that can never be, I shall remove both my unwanted presence and your equally unwanted child from your life-permanently.'