Then Carson grabbed two towels that had been hanging over the ropes and said, "C'mon guys. Let's hit the showers."
Though Evan didn't know what to make of this casual comment, he followed Carson and Juan to the back of the gym and into the locker room. It was the first time Evan had been there with no one around and it felt a little creepy. The smallest sound seemed to amplify; even their voices echoed a little. He took a quick breath and inhaled the familiar damp rubbery scent he grown so accustomed to since he'd met Carson.
Juan stopped at the end of a long wooden bench and opened his locker. Evan followed Carson to the other end of the same bench and set his backpack down. When Carson opened his locker, he leaned into Evan's side and said, "Juan wants to take a shower with us. He's seen you around and he asked if it's okay. I didn't want to say anything until I talked to you first."
It took a moment for this to sink in. All this time Evan had been thinking Carson was different from the other men he'd known. He'd actually begun to believe Carson and Jeffery were nothing alike and that Carson only wanted to be with him. For that one brief instant in his complicated life, Evan thought there might still be hope and that he'd found a gay man who wanted a monogamous marriage and wouldn't be interested in having sex with anyone else but him. Oh, he should have known better. Cadin was right: he did go for the same type all the time. He almost laughed in Carson's face. This knack he had to ignore the realities in his life had always been one of the reasons why he'd turned to alcohol. And he had no one to blame but himself.
Carson kissed him in front of Juan and said, "So, is it cool? I think it could be fun."
Instead of shoving Carson into the lockers and kicking him in the ass for making him believe there was still hope, he smiled and said, "Why the fuck not?" Then he glanced over his shoulder and Juan and said, "We'll be right in. You get the water nice and hot, handsome." Juan had already stripped down to his jock strap. The bulge between his legs looked even bigger than Evan had imagined.
An unusual sense of relief passed through Evan and a good deal of the stress he'd been feeling about his relationship with Carson dissipated. He realized that night his relationship with Carson had never been anything more than sexual and that he hadn't been as emotionally involved as he'd thought he'd been. He felt a slight sting of disappointment, deep down. But nothing that would keep him awake at night, or send him to the nearest bar.
Chapter Twelve
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Carson asked. He'd removed his shorts, shoes, and socks, and was about to pull off his jock strap.
"Sure. I'm a good sport," Evan said. "He seems like a nice guy, too." He'd already removed all of his clothes and he was about to join Juan in the showers. He reached forward and squeezed the bulge in Carson's jock strap and smiled. He kissed him on the lips and said, "You're one of the sweetest guys I've ever met and I don't see any reason why we all can't have a little fun."
"This doesn't change anything between us," Carson said. "I still have feelings for you. This is just fun and games and when it's over, it's over, as far as I'm concerned."
Evan squeezed him again and felt him getting harder in his hand. He'd been listening to these same words from Jeffery for years. "Let's not talk about anything too deep right now. I'm so tired of talking about things too much I could scream. I'm all talked out. In the past six months I've been analyzed, scrutinized, examined, and dissected. For once I'd just like to go with the moment and forget about everything emotional that requires too much thought. Right now, the only thing I want is to have two goodlooking boxers take turns fucking me in a men's locker room."
Carson's eyes opened wider. "I've never seen you this candid before."
Evan turned and headed for the showers. He sent Carson a backward glance and said, "I have my moments."
What Evan didn't say was that he wanted to find out what he'd been missing out on that other men seemed to embrace. He'd played by the rules all his life and he'd never stopped going in circles. Men like Jeffery did whatever they wanted and nothing ever seemed to happen to them. They moved forward, not in circles, stepping on anyone who got in their way. Though Carson was by no means as notorious as Jeffery, they both had a lot more in common than Evan had realized in the beginning. Evan would never have suggested they do a three-way with Juan-or anyone. He would have been happy just being with Carson and spending time alone with him. But Evan seemed to be missing something, because Carson clearly didn't have a problem suggesting the threeway. And it was time for Evan to find out exactly what he'd been missing.