"But you still love Dad," Kenny said. He seemed genuinely curious.
Evan smiled and said, "I love him more now than the first day I met him. But I'm not sure love solves all the problems in a relationship. I used to think it would. But not anymore."
"It should," Kenny said. "And I know Dad loves you."
"How do you know that?"
"I asked him and he told me basically the same thing you just said."
This comment from Kenny caused a tug in Evan's heart. He wanted to change the subject because he didn't want to discuss anything with Kenny he wasn't sure he understood himself. "Would you be okay with me going out to dinner with Mr. Savione?"
"I guess it would be okay," Kenny said. "As long as I don't have to call him Dad or anything like that."
Evan laughed and said, "Oh God, it's nothing like that. I promise you. It's just dinner and that's it."
"But you'll talk to Dad about it first," Kenny said.
"Of course I will."
"And what if he says it would bother him?"
Evan looked up at the ceiling and sighed aloud. "I'm not sure I can answer that right now."
"This is just a suggestion," Kenny said. "Maybe it might be a good thing if you went out with Mr. Savione, especially if it bothers Dad. This way he might get really jealous if he thinks there could be something serious with you and Mr. Savione."
He sent his son a glance and said, "How did you get so smart?" He'd been thinking the same thing but he didn't want Kenny to think he was devious that way. He knew Jeffery would never forbid him to go out with Carson, but he also knew Jeffery never hid his anger.
"I'd like to see you happy," Kenny said. "And I don't want you to start drinking again."
"I'm sorry for everything," Evan said. "I once swore I'd never do to my kid what my dad did to me with his drinking, and I wound up repeating the same mistakes all over."
"I didn't know your dad had a drinking problem," Kenny said.
Evan's dad had died long before Evan had met Jeffery and adopted Kenny. "My dad didn't think he had a problem either, which is how he wound up driving into a tree on his way home from a bar one rainy night when I was fifteen years old. I still don't think I've forgiven him for that." He sat up and leaned forward. "I don't want you to end up feeling that way about me. Of all the horrible things in the world I can think about, that would be the worst."
"You broke the cycle," Kenny said. "You at least admit you have a problem and you've gone for help. That's a huge difference than what your dad did."
For a moment, Evan sat back and thought about this. While he'd been beating himself up over his drinking problem, he'd never actually realized he had done things differently than his own alcoholic father. "Thank you for being so forgiving."
"I'm not that forgiving," Kenny said. He stared down at his lap to avoid Evan's eyes.
Evan felt a sharp pain in his stomach. "What do you mean?"
"I never forgave you for moving out of the townhouse and moving back here," Kenny said. "I felt as if you'd abandoned me."
This was hard to explain to his son, but he had to try. "I'm not always tough enough to deal with your dad. I had to leave and it had nothing to do with you. I was afraid if I didn't leave he would wind up consuming me completely. And I didn't want to ruin your life either. At the time I was out of control and I knew it. And although I regret having to leave you, I don't regret leaving that situation. I did the best thing I could at the time and I can't apologize for that. The only thing I can say is that I wish things had been different for you."
Kenny glanced into his eyes and shrugged. "I'm not saying I had a bad childhood. Hell, you should hear what I hear from other kids in school. Some of them have moms and dads who are divorced and they fight all the time. I know a few kids who have to spend two days at their mom's house and then the next two days at their dad's house. It just keeps rotating that way forever. That would freak me out. I like to be stable and know where I'm going to be every night when I come home from school. I also know kids who have stepmoms and stepdads and that's even worse. I guess I've been pretty lucky for the most part. I have two dads who love each other, they never fight, and they always put me first."
Evan stood up and he crossed to a cabinet where he kept the DVDs so they could watch Star Wars. He sent Kenny a backward glance and said, "It's going to be better from now on. I can't promise anything with your dad. But I can promise you that I won't be drinking anymore. And, I'm glad you're living here now."