“Refuse to grow up?” She rolled her eyes. “How much more grownup can you get than having enough money to buy a car like that?”
“No idea.” He paused. “And do you ever feel weird buying stuff like that?”
“I can’t say I’ve ever bought a car for a quarter million dollars.”
“No, no. I mean buying cars. Furniture. Houses.” He shook his head. “I bought a damned couch last year, and part of me was like, what the hell? Buying furniture is what adults do. When did I become an adult, and who the fuck let that happen?”
Dara laughed aloud. “Right?” She sobered, though, as she added, “Sitting down with a divorce attorney is a quick way to realize you’re an adult, though.”
“I can imagine.”
She shook herself. “And then I go straight from the divorce attorney’s office to the parking lot, call my mom and feel like I’m five years old again.”
Matt groaned, nodding in the low light. “I know exactly what you mean. I can buy all the couches and sports cars in the world, but a little disapproval from my mother puts me right back in my place.”
“Makes you wonder why we keep trying for approval.”
“Amen to that.”
Dara sighed. “Between you and me, if it weren’t for the baby, I would’ve stopped trying with my mom.” She cringed a little, loathing how pathetic she sounded. “But I’m kind of scared, you know? I’ve read all kinds of books on babies, and I still feel like I know nothing.”
Matt blew out a breath. “I know the feeling. Every time I finish one, I feel like I know even less.”
Dara turned to him, his profile barely visible in the darkness. “You’ve been reading too?”
“Yeah.” He laughed so softly, it would’ve been inaudible of there’d been even the slightest breeze. “Almost makes you wonder how we’ve survived all these generations without these stupid books.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” She looked up at the sky again. “Do you think we’re overthinking everything?”
“I’m sure we are. And that’s part of why I’ve been biting my tongue with my mom too.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, it’s not just the will and all that bullshit anymore. As my sister pointed out, sometimes you need someone who’s been there, done that. Like when the baby’s got a fever at three in the morning and you don’t know if you should go to the ER.”
Dara shuddered. “She’s right.” She rubbed a hand over her face and sighed. “And I have no doubt that my folks would move heaven and earth to help with the baby.”
“Mine too,” he whispered.
“Honestly, I’d have told my mom to bite me a long time ago if things were different. But there’s the baby, and also…” She closed her eyes. “Coming back from LA, I was alone, you know? My marriage was over. Most of my friends in California were, well, I guess it’s true that you find out who your friends are when things go to shit.”
“Yeah, that’s very true.” Matt slipped his hand into hers and squeezed gently. “I managed to keep some distance from my parents before I came back to town too, but it was the same deal—I was going through some bad shit, and I needed that support.”
“Exactly. Me too.”
They both fell silent, and it lingered for a while.
Out of the blue, Matt said, “Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we’d dated back then?”
Dara looked at him in the darkness. “What?”
“I mean, let’s say hypothetically that we did date. And we were still dating after college. It probably wouldn’t have worked.” He lifted his head and scratched the back of his neck. “From the time I graduated college until I retired, I wasn’t somebody you wanted to be with.” Settling back onto the blanket, he added, “I wasn’t somebody anyone wanted to be with. And all I can think is that if we’d given it a shot…”
“We wouldn’t be speaking now?”
Matt sighed, and he nodded slowly. “I managed to lose you anyway, but we’re…” He met her gaze. “We’re more okay now than I think we would’ve been if we’d dated.”
She turned her attention back to the night sky. “I guess there’s really no way to know. Maybe we would’ve worked out. Maybe we wouldn’t have.” She paused. “Maybe we never would’ve had that stupid fight.”
He held her hand a little tighter. “Yeah. Maybe.”
The silence set in again, and it wasn’t as comfortable this time. She didn’t like being alone with thoughts of the last night she and Matt saw each other in their past lives.