Beside him, Dara groaned, and it was a sound of exasperation this time. “Oh Jesus fuck. What is with that expression?”
“So that’s not normal?” Thank God…
“Oh no. Not even close” She rolled her eyes. “I have no idea why every woman in a porno insists on making a duck face. I can’t tell if she’s enjoying herself or having an allergic reaction that’s making her lips swell up.”
“Or having a stroke.”
Dara burst out laughing. She tried to make the face herself, but they both collapsed into fits of laughter. While the pair of porn stars went at it like they meant it, Matt and Dara couldn’t stop giggling.
“Oh, Mr. Electrician,” she said in a high-pitched voice. “Can you check my wiring? I think I’ve got a short somewhere.”
Matt snorted. He was light-headed, both from laughing and from nerves, not to mention the hard-on that was going to need some attention sooner or later.
The couple on the screen peeled themselves off the couch, and the scene shifted into a bedroom, where the man bent the woman over a gigantic bed. She’d barely hit the mattress before he grabbed her hips, shoved every inch of his absurdly huge cock into her, and started pounding her so hard, even the bed was groaning.
The woman grabbed handfuls of the duvet, and he swore her shrill cries got louder with every thrust.
“Jesus.” Dara shook her head. “She’s supposed to be enjoying herself, but she sounds like she’s being mauled by a badger.”
“So that’s…not how women sound during sex?”
“Oh no. No, no, no. Lord, no.”
“Thank God.” He paused. “Wait, how do you know what other women sound like during sex?”
She glanced at him and shrugged. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Actually, I—”
Right then, the woman on the screen shrieked, “Harder!”
And impossibly, the man gave it to her harder, knocking little yelps out of her.
Matt cringed. “Okay, what about that? Isn’t that painful?”
“Uh-huh.” Dara didn’t look at him. She was too busy staring wide-eyed at the screen. He was surprised she wasn’t drooling, especially as she murmured, “Yeah, it, uh…it hurts. But…” She shivered.
“Wait, so that’s good?”
“Oh yeah.” She finally turned to him. “Slow and gentle is nice sometimes, but as far as I’m concerned, the best kind of sex”—she gestured at the screen—“leaves marks.”
Matt gulped. “Oh.”
They kept watching. He was about to ask where the line was between good pain and bad pain when the guy pulled out and suddenly shoved his cock into the girl’s ass. She whimpered, but both Matt and Dara cringed.
“Ow!” She wagged her finger at the screen. “No, Mr. Porn Star! No! That is a party foul, you jackass.”
“Not into anal?”
“Oh, I’ll do anal.” She clicked her tongue. “But if you ever want to do a girl like that, you better be a goddamned gentleman about it.”
Matt blinked. He glanced at the man currently fucking the bejeezus out of the woman’s ass, and then turned to Dara. “Explain to me exactly how one is a gentleman when it comes to…this?”
“It’s easy.” She shrugged. “You start by asking nicely. You use a ton of lube, and you go…fucking…slow.” She gestured sharply at the groaning, thrusting man. “Pulling it out of my snatch and shoving it up my butt without so much as a ‘would you mind’ is just plain rude.”
Matt stared at her. God, if that wasn’t the crass woman who’d been his best friend all those years.
“Okay, that’s enough. Change it, change it.” She gestured at the screen and wrinkled her nose. “Let’s watch a different one before this guy suddenly decides he’s in the mood for another blowjob.”
Matt quickly changed it. He picked a random video and skipped ahead until the two porn stars were already naked and fucking.
“Much better,” Dara muttered.
“You like my big, hard dick, don’t you?” the guy on the screen growled, grabbing the woman’s hair and jerking her head back. “You like it big and hard in your pussy, don’t you?”
Dara groaned again and facepalmed. “Oh, silly porn star. Pull my hair all you want, but do not talk dirty unless you can do it without making me laugh.”
“So the hair-pulling thing? That’s—”
“Oh honey.” Dara shivered. “That’s hot.”
“Is it?”
“Uh-huh.”
He glanced at her. Then the screen. Then at her again.