“Well, it’s a start.” She chewed her lip. “You know what? Show me what you’ve got.”
“What?”
“Show me. Put a video on.”
He blinked. “You… Seriously?”
“Why not?”
“You want to watch a porno with me?”
“No. I want to mock a porno with you.” She flashed a toothy grin. “Consider it educational.”
“Are you—”
“Honey, porn is about as far from real sex as you can get. So I’m going to point out everything they do wrong.” She winked. “And make fun of it too, because it’s been way too long since we’ve heckled a movie together.”
“This will be a little different from heckling the new Star Wars movies, I think.”
“More dicks, fewer light sabers.” She shrugged. “And maybe the plot and dialogue are slightly better.”
“In The Phantom Menace or the porno?”
“The porno. Obviously.”
He stared at her but then shrugged. What the hell? Maybe this would give him a chance to get his nerves under control.
They moved into the living room, where his laptop was already hooked up to feed directly into the TV.
“You do this often?” she asked with a grin.
“No, I stream movies.”
“What kind of movies? Naughty movies?”
“Sometimes.”
“Mmhmm.”
Okay, so he did have a pretty sizeable cache of porn, and he grabbed the laptop and quickly picked a random title before Dara could get a good look at the sheer volume of options he had.
As the video started, he settled on the couch beside Dara, keeping the remote on the armrest where he could reach it if needed.
The opening scene showed a pretty blonde woman in lingerie masturbating on a sofa in a massive candlelit living room.
“Let me guess,” Dara said. “She forgot that the plumber was on his way?”
Matt eyed her. “Electrician, I think.”
“Oh. Right. That explains the candles. Lights must not be working.”
“So you’d think she’d remember the electrician was on his way.”
“You would think.” Dara clicked her tongue. “So forgetful.”
They exchanged glances and both snickered.
Sure enough, the “electrician” showed up, startling the woman, and took the most logical course of action—he dropped his pants and offered to let her suck his dick.
Matt wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but suddenly the startled housewife was on her knees with her lips around the man’s cock, and sitting here beside Dara became even more surreal. This was the first time he’d watched a woman sucking cock since Dara had sucked his, and he thought he was going to come unglued. He wasn’t used to watching this kind of thing with a woman next to him, never mind one who’d already said she’d have sex with him. And definitely not with his jeans still on so his erection rubbed painfully against the zipper.
“That woman’s jaw must not be attached,” Dara muttered. “No way he’d get that thing anywhere near my face. Or anywhere else for that matter.”
“I thought women liked big guys.”
“Big is good, but there are limits.” She waved a hand toward the screen. “That thing would split me in half. No thank you.”
Well, that was encouraging—the guys in pornos had led him to believe he wasn’t packing much, but maybe he was doing all right.
As the couple onscreen continued, he couldn’t decide if he was uncomfortable, or turned on, or in the Twilight Zone, but the first woman he’d ever touched beyond a kiss was beside him and the two porn stars on the screen were now heading toward the couch. The guy laid her back across the armrest, shoved her legs apart, and went down on her.
“Okay, I’m gonna tell you right now”—Dara pointed sharply at the screen—“the way he’s doing it is for the camera, not for her.”
“How so?”
“Because he’s sticking his tongue as far out of his head as it’ll go.”
Matt glanced at the screen, then at her. “What should he be doing?”
“Using his lips, for one thing. It’s easier to show than explain, but for the record, that—oh, there he goes!” Another gesture at the screen, where the man had closed his lips over the woman’s clit, and though it was impossible to see exactly what he was doing now, the woman shuddered. Then he slipped two fingers inside her and started fucking her with them.
Matt gulped. “And that?”
“So right,” Dara breathed, squirming beside him.
The camera got right up in the woman’s face as she moaned and squealed, her lips sticking out in a bizarre pout.