"When we kissed?" Her eyes found mine, bright with hope. "That spark was there. It's always been there with us."
"It was pretty brief," I said. Lily was sweet, but how naive was she if a five-second kiss was proof of romance?
She smoothed out her skirt. "Don't be coy. You know I mean the other one."
I squinted at her, forcing a smile. Other kiss. Right. I crossed Rohan's arms. "Sure." Uncrossed them. Crossed his legs. Stretched them out. Stood up and beelined for the suite's bar.
I poured a glass of water.
"You can't be surprised by this."
No, surprised wasn't the word. Furious, that was more appropriate. At the universe for putting me in this position. At Rohan for well, so much.
I almost dropped the glass because the sight of those hands that weren't my own unnerved me. I gripped the counter, head bowed, needing some sense of myself instead of this Shakespearean mistaken identity that was anything but comedic.
"Say something," she said.
I had no claim on Rohan. Sleeping with him for a few weeks didn't give me any rights, even if I'd wanted them. I was the last person to stand in the way of his happiness. Of him rekindling his first love for their happily-ever-after.
"It's not you. Long day." I sat down again and smiled at her. "Talk to me."
As she poured out her heart, all I kept thinking was how easy it would be for me to sabotage this. Destroy any hopes she had and drive her away. Do it right and she'd never even bring it up with Rohan. She'd be too embarrassed. I wouldn't get caught.
I couldn't do it.
I covered her hand with Rohan's. "I want to talk about this, Lils. Because it's important, but I have somewhere I have to be."
She slipped free. "I get it."
Wishing I was undergoing hot pokers up my ass rather than this, I gently lifted her chin up, forcing her to meet my eyes. Rohan's eyes. Damn it! "No. You don't. Promise me you'll find me tomorrow." I hoped that would give Rohan and me enough time to switch back so he could be the one to talk to her.
I squeezed her hand. "Please."
Her smile was bright enough to light up the room. "I promise." Talk about a mitzvah with no expectation of reciprocity. She left soon after.
I lay on the sofa, staring blankly out the window at the darkening sky. Willing my mind to remain empty. At long last there was another rap on the door.
"Open up." It was Drio.
"You got them?" I spoke in little more than a whisper.
"Logan. Not Samson. Ro is waiting for us."
I nodded, letting myself be led. As long as I kept staring out into the middle distance, I'd be fine. I rested against the car window, feeling the cold glass under Rohan's cheek and keeping my stare into the darkness level. I had to hold on to that emptiness. Let the enormity of outside fill me up, leaving no room for anything else. Force my tangled emotions into the tiniest atom instead of the wall of barbed wire they wanted to be.
Drio left the city, driving for a while until he turned onto a narrow dirt road. At the long, winding end stood a decrepit stone farmhouse. The car bumped over the ground as he drove around back, the headlights illuminating Rohan-as-me, arms crossed, standing at the back door which hung half off its hinges.
"Took you long enough," Rohan said in my voice as we got out.
I rubbed his eyes with his fists. If I had to live like this for much longer, I was going to go insane. "He's in the house?" I asked.
"Under it. Imprisoned," Rohan said. "Ready?" he asked out to the darkness.
"Ready," came Mirek's low voice. I peered into the gloom and made out a couple of figures. I assumed there were other Rasha out there as well, guarding the place in case Samson showed up.
Drio went in first, slipping through the door. Rohan insisted I go next, leaving him to bring up the rear. I needed a minute to adjust to the gloom, but there were enough cracks in the walls to provide a dim light. I wrinkled Rohan's nose against the must and dust tickling it. The house smelled old and unused. It had also been gutted. Empty spaces, wires with no appliances, and partial cupboards made up the kitchen.
Drio opened a door at one end of the room, flipping on a tiny flashlight. "Stick close."
We went down the stairs, feeling our way. At least the basement floor was hard, packed dirt with nothing to trip over.
Drio shifted sideways to fit through a skinny hole in the wall. Going through after him in Rohan's body was a tight squeeze. I wrenched on his shoulders to get them through. "Careful," Rohan said.