“Fine by me,” Derek replied, taking his tankard from the barmaid and hefting it to his lips. That was the thing about Derek. You couldn’t be angry with him for his success. Not only had the man earned it, deserved it, but he never lorded it over anyone. He seemed to be as comfortable in a tavern as he was in the House of Lords. Hadn’t he married Lucy, one of the bluest of the blue bloods? Lucy’s father was an earl, for Christ’s sake. Their family had been titled for generations. Yet Derek, who came from a family of soldiers in Brighton, seemed to fit right in. It was something Adam admired in his older brother. One of many things.
“You haven’t been at the house much,” Derek continued. “Lucy’s been worried about you. I received a letter this morning from Collin, by the by, he’s on his way back.”
“I’ve been … busy,” Adam grunted, completely ignoring the news about Collin.
“Busy or distracted?” Derek asked.
Adam allowed a half smile to touch his lips. “Does it matter?”
“Seems to me that you’ve been different ever since Lady Magnolia left.”
Adam clenched his fist around the handle of his mug. “That’s not her name.”
Derek inclined his head. “Miss Harcourt, then. Have you spoken to her since then? Visited her?”
Adam snapped up his head, giving his brother a thunderous look. “Why would I visit her?”
Derek shrugged. “I don’t know. Lucy thought perhaps you might be interested in seeing how she was faring.”
“Lucy said she’d sent a note and indicated she was well.”
“You’re not more curious than that?” Derek asked.
Adam narrowed his eyes on Derek. “Why should I be?” He didn’t tell his brother that he’d arranged with Dr. Archibald to send an indecent amount of the medicine Mary Harcourt needed to their town house. Something her future husband, Percy, had apparently failed to do.
Derek took another quaff from his mug and sighed loud and long. “For God’s sake, man. Must I come out and say it? Lucy seems to think you’ve grown attached to the girl. Is there any truth to that?”
Adam rubbed his forehead. “Lucy sent you, did she?”
“Believe me, if she thought she could sneak in here to speak with you herself, I’ve no doubt she’d be here.”
Adam had to smile at that, too. He shook his head. “You may tell my sister-in-law that I’m doing quite well without Miss Harcourt.”
Derek’s eyes narrowed on him. “Are you?”
Adam arched a brow. “You doubt it?”
Derek pushed his tankard aside and braced his forearms on the scratched wooden table. “I’ll be blunt. I’ve been concerned about you, Adam. You haven’t seemed yourself since you returned from France.”
Adam rested his chin on his fist. “I’m not myself because I no longer have an occupation. I’m completely useless. Good for nothing more than drinking and going from one useless party to the next. I’m—Damn it, Derek. You couldn’t understand.”
Derek pulled his chair closer. “Try me.”
“You have your duties as the duke and in Parliament. You don’t know what it’s like to no longer be who you always were.”
Derek let out a sharp bark of laughter. “I don’t? That’s rich. No. I spent the last twenty years in the army, sleeping on wet earth, giving orders, fighting for my life and the lives of my men, and now I’m posted up in a fine Mayfair town house having to discuss politics with a bunch of men who never saw the first drop of blood in a war. Don’t tell me about no longer being who you are.”
Adam rubbed his knuckles against the back of his forehead. His brother had a point. In fact, he’d never really considered how different Derek’s life was now. “It’s still not the same. At least you have a purpose.”
“And you shall have a purpose, too. You must find it.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
“No, it’s not. I envy you.”
Adam nearly spit out his drink. He searched his brother’s face. Derek looked quite serious. “You envy me?”
“When I was granted the dukedom by the prince, I didn’t have a choice. It’s not exactly something you say no to. But you, you can do whatever you like. You can decide your future for yourself. You’re able to decide your fate. If you don’t want the position at the Home Office, don’t take it. You’re completely in control of your own future.”
Adam pushed back in his chair and contemplated this news for a moment. He’d never guessed that Derek, the golden boy of the family, the famous war hero duke, would for a moment be envious of him. But his brother’s explanation made sense. It stood to reason that he might feel trapped by his obligations. Derek, of course, was far too noble and responsible to complain, but it was true that Adam had a choice.