The Unforgettable Hero(12)

He strode down the stairs and into the breakfast room. Derek sat there with Lucy to his right. Adam straightened his cravat and cleared his throat. “May I have a word?”

Lucy was wearing a light-blue morning gown. She glanced up from the bowl of fruit she was eating. “The look on your face tells me you’d like to have a word alone, Adam.”

“Stay if you like,” Adam insisted.

“No.” Lucy stood and folded the paper under her arm. “It’s high time I checked upon our patient this morning. I’ll see you both later.” And with that, Lucy hurried from the room.

“Have a seat.” Derek barely glanced up from his own copy of the paper.

“I prefer to stand.”

That caught the duke’s attention. He glanced up. At the look on Adam’s face, he, too, folded his paper and let it drop to the tabletop. “Very well then,” Derek said. “Go ahead.”

“I met with General Davis at the Home Office yesterday,” Adam began.

“And?” Derek prompted.

“He informed me that I’ve been offered a position there.”

The look of relief on Derek’s face made Adam lift his chin. But his brother didn’t say a word.

“A secretarial position,” Adam continued.

“And you’re not happy about this?” Derek asked.

“Did you think I would be?” Adam replied, clenching his jaw.

“Frankly, yes.” Derek opened the newspaper again.

Adam narrowed his eyes on the duke. “You orchestrated this, didn’t you?”

Derek’s eyebrows snapped together. “Of course I did. Why wouldn’t I? You’ve been at half pay for the last year and you’ve refused to take the money I’ve settled on you. I thought you’d be pleased to have a new position.”

“Damn it, Derek. You of all people should understand.” Adam paced away from him and exhaled his breath, staring out the back window into the gardens. “There’s no honor in taking notes in an office. I could go to the Continent, assist Collin.”

Behind him, his brother’s voice was dry. “Forgive me saying so, but I was under the impression that the army was never your preferred profession. You’ve always been good at reading and writing. I thought you’d prefer this position over one in which you might actually be in danger.”

Adam winced. Derek didn’t have to say it, but they both knew what he meant. Adam had been so desperate to prove himself that he’d run off to France to assist in a spy mission, one that he hadn’t been approved for. He’d ended up jeopardizing the mission and Collin’s life. Their brother had been forced to come to France to rescue him.

“So you’re trying to keep me safe, again?” Adam bowed his head. He turned back to face his brother.

Derek leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Let’s be honest, Adam. You’ve never been like Collin and me. We were born for the military. It was in our blood. You, you were always more interested in scholarly pursuits. Truthfully, I thought you’d be pleased to be able to start a new life with the money I—”

Adam wrenched up a hand to stop him. “Damn it, Derek. The same blood runs through my veins as yours and Collin’s. I never had the blasted opportunity to prove myself. I didn’t receive honors like you did. I wasn’t appointed a spy in the War Office the way Collin was.”

Derek sighed. “Not everyone is meant to—”

Adam slowly shook his head. “I can still hear Father’s voice. You know as well as I that he valued service to the country more than all other things. I was a failure. If I’m made a secretary, I’ll always be a failure.”

Derek slapped the paper against the tabletop. “That’s not true. You’re too hard on yourself, Adam. You always have been. No one expected you to be a war hero.”

“So says the war hero.” Adam snorted. He paced away again. “It doesn’t matter. I came to see you this morning to let you know that I’ll be leaving soon, finding my own quarters in which to live in London. And I won’t be taking a farthing of your money.”

Derek nodded. “I understand. You must do what you think is right. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like, however.”

“Thank you, Your Grace. Good day.” Adam bowed, turned on his heel, and walked away.

Once in the corridor, he let out his pent-up breath. That had gone better than he’d predicted. He’d expected Derek to argue with him, tell him he was wrong, insist he take the money, insist he take the position. Adam had been prepared for a battle. But instead, his older brother had been downright … understanding. Not always Derek’s strong suit. Perhaps Collin had been right when he’d said being married had changed Derek for the better. Besides that, the duke was right. Infuriatingly right. The truth was that Adam had never preferred life in the military. He was fine with the regimen and the discipline and the difficulties, but his heart had never been in it. Not like his brothers’. Derek and Collin were seasoned army officers, just as their father had been, while he was … not. He’d spent the entire stint in the army feeling as if he didn’t belong there. He’d fought all right. Seen battle. Been tortured by the French and lived. But he’d never felt as if he was doing his job, and he’d never felt particularly proud. His brothers weren’t, either. How could they be?