She held her breath. “Wha … What?”
“I wanted to apologize.”
She closed her eyes briefly and then stared at his shirtfront. “For what?”
“For my behavior last night.” He glanced about to ensure they wouldn’t be overheard, but no one else was standing anywhere near them.
She winced. “You remember … everything?”
“No, that’s just it. I don’t remember most of it. So if there’s anything I need to apologize for—”
She let her shoulders drop and expelled a relieved breath. “Oh, no, no, no. No need to apologize for anything.”
“Yes. There is. It was completely irrational and irresponsible of me. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“How is your hand?” she asked, desperate to turn the topic from his apology.
He glanced down to the bandaged appendage. “Healing nicely thanks to your tender ministrations.”
She smiled but glanced away. Why was it that all she could think of were the glimpses she’d had of his bare stomach and the feel of his hot mouth against the palm of her hand when she’d tried to keep him from speaking last night? Not to mention the actual kissing. She swallowed hard.
She took a deep breath and hazarded another glance at his face. “May I ask you something, Derek?”
He smiled when she used his given name. “Of course.”
“When you…” She swallowed again. “When you last saw Julian. Was he…? Did you think he wouldn’t survive it? Is he truly dying?”
Derek’s face took on a somber hue. He put his hands on his hips and blew out a breath, staring out the window as if he was trying to remember. “It was bad, Lucy. Quite bad.”
She nodded slightly. “So, you do think he will die?”
One awful word. “Yes.”
Lucy stumbled backward, away from him. Away. He reached for her but she scrambled out of his reach. “I must go,” she murmured, turning and picking up her skirts. She had to force herself not to run.
That settled it. Julian would die if he was not already dead. Cass deserved a secure future with a handsome nobleman who had sworn to protect her. It was true that Garrett might take offense, but Garrett, while wonderful, was merely in line to be an earl, not quite as eligible as a duke.
Lord Berkeley was perfectly nice. He was handsome and dashing and he wanted to see Lucy again. He wasn’t chasing after her best friend, sworn to marry her by a promise to a dying man. Yes. Much less complicated.
She would still talk to Jane, come clean. Admit everything. Clear her conscience. She and Jane would think of a way to give Cass the little push she needed to actually accept Derek.
But Lucy already knew. She had to stop having feelings for Derek immediately and ensure the match between him and Cass.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Where in the world was Jane? Lucy had been searching for her throughout Lady Hoppington’s house for the last half an hour. She’d checked all her usual haunts: the library, the children’s study, every small nook and cranny she could find in which Jane might insert herself to read a book. Jane certainly wasn’t making it easy for Lucy to confess. To make matters worse, Garrett was nowhere to be found, either.
And guilty as it made her, she’d been avoiding Cass tonight. She just couldn’t bear to see her friend and know how horrendous she’d been. She turned the bend in Lady Hoppington’s corridor and stopped short. There, behind a large cabinet, stood Derek.
And he was not alone.
Lucy froze. A woman’s voice floated on the air. “I’m quite sorry, Your Grace, for the way I’ve behaved.”
Lucy closed her eyes. It was Cass. Cass and Derek were having a private conversation and damn her to hell but Lucy could not, for the life of her, move her feet, turn away. She should not eavesdrop, especially not on this conversation, but she just couldn’t make herself go. Instead she pressed her back against the wall and held her breath, listening intently for every word between them.
“Lucy told me that she explained to you that I … love Julian,” Cass continued.
“Yes” came Derek’s sure, strong reply.
“I’ve always loved him, I’m afraid. But I know he belongs to my cousin Penelope. That is, if he…” Cass’s voice cracked, and Lucy’s heart broke again for her friend.
Derek’s voice was low. “If it helps to know it, Lady Cassandra, Captain Swift held … holds you in the very highest regard.”
Lucy could hear the smile in Cass’s reply. “Yes. As I do him. I’ve written to him every day while he’s been in the army.”
“He told me how much he looked forward to your letters.”