The Ugly Duckling Debutante(43)

“Are you amused, my lord?” Sai asked. As she waited for Nicholas to respond, she carefully moved to his side of the carriage and sat. “I would think you, of all people, would have trouble finding something to smile about at a time like this.”



“Me, of all people?” he asked curious.



“Yes. You—the negative cynic, my lord.” Sai raised an eyebrow.



“Ah yes. Well, there is that,” he answered dryly. “There is also the largest scandal to sweep the ton that now taints both our names, but that’s hardly worth smiling about.”



She smiled in return making him want to kiss her pretty little mouth until the smile melted from her lips.



“So?” she prompted.



I have to say it.



When had he ever been a coward? Oh, that’s right. Ever since Sai waltzed into his life. He lost himself in her eyes and lifted a warm hand to her face. “You make me smile, Sai. What you did, who you are—you are the reason that amidst this terrible night, I wear a smile on my face.”



Her eyes pooled with tears, silencing him. And suddenly Nicholas wanted nothing more than to comfort her. He pulled her gently into his lap and caressed her neck and arms.



“Thank you,” he whispered against her hair.



The carriage rattled to a stop far too soon. Nicholas silently cursed himself for not telling the driver to continue around the block a few more times, until he was good and ready to relinquish this moment in Sai's arms.



There was no time to prepare her as they were greeted at the door by the nurse. Nicholas managed a weak smile when two-year-old Duncan came tumbling toward him.



“How was your night, my lord?” the nurse inquired as Duncan continued to make his way to Nicholas.



“It had its ups and downs,” he answered truthfully, then picked up his son; the son he helped create not so long ago. Duncan was an exact replica of the woman he so long ago had an affair with. A sickening feeling descended like a choking fog. It was his fault this boy was brought into the world this way. Yet he couldn’t help but feel proud as well. He didn’t care much for his own reputation anymore, and he desperately wanted to protect that of his son and the woman whom he cared so deeply about.



It wasn’t until that night Nicholas realized how much he did care for Sai. He would rather die for her than put her through any more humiliation. What was it about him she wanted anyway? He had the worst reputation of the ton and now an illegitimate son to boot. Maybe if he found out why she needed to marry, other than to save her reputation, he could redeem himself. He kissed Duncan on the head and looked at a smiling Sai.



“This is my son, Duncan.”



As if on cue, Duncan reached out to Sai with pudgy hands. Sai laughed and took him into a little embrace. Nicholas was stunned when Sai began singing a lullaby to his little boy. Within minutes, he was sleeping. The little devil was actually sleeping. The nurse had spent the better part of two days trying to get him to bed, and Sai merely sang a song and he was putty in her hands.



Like father like son, a little voice chimed annoyingly in his head.



“Time for bed,” he whispered to Duncan, and Sai handed him back to the nurse.



As he helped Sai into the carriage to return to Lady Fenton’s home, Nicholas knew what he would do; he would locate Sai’s family and explain the situation to them. Surely they wouldn’t want such scandal blackening their name, and then he would offer as much money as it took to make sure Sai had a chance to find a love match. She deserved that, not some pitiful marriage to a second or third son. By next season the gentlemen would forget she’d been ruined by him and set about to marry her anyway. He shook his head. What was he thinking? Could he honestly live without her touch? Her laughter? It would be the most extreme type of self sacrifice to let her go, yet he could tell that she was holding something back. It wasn’t in her nature to hide things; she was one of the most honest people he knew. It had to be disappointment, for she knew it would be impossible to have his heart, the one thing she wanted most. Dare he try to give her the most precious part of himself? Broken pieces that might never be whole?



Shaking the conflicting thoughts from his head he grabbed a sheet of paper and penned a quick note to Lady Fenton explaining the situation. Hopefully she would understand it was the best option for Sai. He inquired about Sai's family and asked her to write back with all haste. He sent the note off with one of his men, managing to make it all the way up the stairs into his chambers before dozing off.





Chapter Thirteen





Sara couldn’t remember a time when she had slept more poorly than last night. Her thoughts went back to the previous night. What had come over her? She had no idea. But when Nicholas walked into the room and proudly met the faces of the ton, she had been left with no choice. It was obvious what everyone expected her to do. Shun him, break off the engagement and walk away. Impossible to play into their silly games. Yes, she had been hurt, but what good would it be to take it out on those around her. Those she cared about. Because despite everything Nicholas had said and done, she cared deeply for him, at the expense of her own feelings.