Chantal contemplated arguing-telling him that she could learn, she could adapt her style. But the thought of them saying no all over again was too much to deal with.
'Thanks, anyway.'
At least she'd been allocated the last solo spot for the day, so no one was left to witness her rejection. She stopped for a moment to scuff her feet into a pair of sneakers and throw a hoodie over her tank top and shorts.
The last place had told her she was too abstract. Now she was too traditional. She bit down on her lower lip to keep the protest from spilling out. Some feedback was better than none, no matter how infuriatingly contradictory it was. Besides, it wasn't professional to argue with directors-and she was, if nothing else, a professional. A professional who couldn't seem to book any decent jobs of late …
This was the fourth audition she'd flunked in a month. Not even a glimmer of interest. They'd watched her with poker faces, their feedback delivered with surgical efficiency. The reasons had varied, but the results were the same. She knew her dancing was better than that.
At least it had used to be …
Her sneakers crunched on the gravel of the theatre car park as she walked to her beat-up old car. She was lucky the damn thing still ran; it had rust spots, and the red paint had flaked all over the place. It was so old it had a cassette player, and the gearbox always stuck in second gear. But it was probably the most reliable thing in her life, since all the time she'd invested in her dance study didn't seem to be paying off. Not to mention her bank accounts were looking frighteningly lean.
No doubt her ex-husband, Derek, would be pleased to know that.
Ugh-she was not going to think about that stuffy control freak, or the shambles that had been her marriage.
Sliding into the driver's seat, she checked her phone. A text from her mother wished her luck for her audition. She cringed; this was just another opportunity to prove she'd wasted all the sacrifices her mother had made for her dancing.
Staring at herself in the rearview mirror, Chantal pursed her lips. She would not let this beat her. It was a setback, but only a minor one. She'd been told she was a gifted dancer on many occasions. Hell, she'd even been filmed for a documentary on contemporary dance a few years back. She would get into one of these companies, even if it took every last ounce of her resolve.
Despite the positive affirmation, doubt crept through her, winding its way around her heart and lungs and stomach. Why was everything going so wrong now?
Panic rose in her chest, the bubble of anxiety swelling and making it hard to breathe. She closed her eyes and forced a long breath, calming herself. Panicking would not help. Thankfully, she'd finally managed to book a short-term dancing job in a small establishment just outside of Sydney. It wasn't prestigious. But it didn't have to be forever.
A small job would give her enough money to get herself through the next few weeks-and there was accommodation on site. She would fix this situation. No matter what.
She clenched and unclenched her fists-a technique she'd learned once to help relax her muscles whenever panic swelled. It had become a technique she relied on more and more. Thankfully the panic attacks were less like tidal waves these days, and more like the slosh of a pool after someone had dive-bombed. It wasn't ideal, but she could manage it.
Baby steps … Every little bit of progress counts.
Shoving the dark thoughts aside, she pulled out of the car park and put her phone into the holder stuck to the window. As if on cue the phone buzzed to life with the smiling face of her old friend Willa. Chantal paused before answering. She wasn't in the mood to talk, but she had a two-hour drive to get to her gig and music would only keep her amused for so long.
Besides, since her divorce Chantal had realised that real friends were few and far between, so she'd been making more of an effort to keep in touch with Willa. Ignoring her call now would go completely against that.
She tapped the screen of her phone and summoned her most cheerful voice. 'Hey, Willa.'
'How's our favourite dancer?'
Willa's bubbly greeting made a wave of nostalgia wash over her.
'Taking the arts world by storm, I hope?'
Chantal forced a laugh. 'Yeah, something like that. It's a slow process, but I'm working on it.'
'You'll get there. I know it. That time I saw you dance at the Sydney Opera House was incredible. We're all so proud of you for following your dream.'
Chantal's stomach rocked. She knew not everyone Willa referred to would be proud of her-especially since it was her dancing that had caused their group to fall apart eight years ago.
Besides, they only saw what she wanted them to see. If you took her social media pages and her website at face value then she was living the creative dream. What they didn't know was that Chantal cut out all the dark, unseemly bits she wasn't proud of: her nasty divorce, her empty bank account, the reasons why she'd booked into some small-time gig on the coast when she should be concentrating on getting back into a proper dance company …
'Thanks, Willa. How's that brother of yours? Is he still overseas?' She hoped the change of topic wasn't too noticeable.
'Luke texted me today. He's working on some big deal, but it looks like he might be coming home soon.' Willa sighed. 'We might be able to get the whole gang back together after all.'
The 'whole gang' was the tight-knit crew that had formed when they'd all worked together at the magical Weeping Reef resort in the Whitsundays. Had it really been eight years ago? She still remembered it as vividly as if it were yesterday. The ocean had been so blue it had seemed otherworldly, the sand had been almost pure white, and she'd loved every second of it … Right until she'd screwed it all up.
'Maybe,' Chantal said.
'I think we might even be getting some of the group together tonight.' There was a meaningful pause on the other end of the line. 'If you're free, we'd love to see you.'
'Sorry, Willa, I'm actually working tonight.'
Chantal checked the road signs and took the on-ramp leading out of the city. Sydney sparkled in her rearview mirror as she sped away.
'Oh? Anywhere close by?'
'I'm afraid not. I'm off to Newcastle for this one.'
'Oh, right. Any place I would know?'
'Not likely, it's called Nine East. It's a small theatre-very intimate.'
She forced herself to sound excited when really she wanted to find a secluded island and hide until her dancing ability came back. God only knew why she'd given Willa the place's name. She prayed her friend wouldn't look it up online.
'Look, Willa, I'll have to cut you short. I'm on the road and I need my full concentration to deal with these crazy Sydney drivers.'
Willa chuckled. 'I forget sometimes that you didn't grow up in the city. Hopefully we'll catch up soon?'
The hope in her voice caused a twinge of guilt in Chantal's stomach. She didn't want to see the group. Rather, she didn't want them to see how her life was not what she'd made it out to be.
'Yeah, hopefully.'
There was nothing like being surrounded by friends, with the sea air running over your skin and a cold drink in your hand. Add to that the city lights bouncing off the water's surface and a view of the Sydney Harbour Bridge against an inky night and you had a damn near perfect evening.
Brodie Mitchell leant back against the railing of his yacht and surveyed the group in front of him. Champagne flowed, music wafted up into the air and the group was laughing and reminiscing animatedly about their time working at the Weeping Reef resort. A long time had passed, but it made Brodie smile to think the group was no less lively now than when they'd all been fresh-faced kids, drunk on the freedom and beauty of resort life.
'Hey, man.' Scott Knight dropped down beside him, beer in hand. 'Aren't you drinking tonight?'
'I'm trying to be good for once.' Brodie grinned and held up his bottle of water in salute. 'I'm training for a half marathon.'
'Really?' Scott raised a brow.
Brodie shoved his friend and laughed. 'Yes, really.'
As much as he wanted to be annoyed that his friends would assume him incapable of running a half marathon, he kind of saw their point. Running competitively required a certain kind of routine and dedication that wasn't Brodie's style. He was a laid-back kind of guy: he thrived on surf, sand, and girls in bikinis. Abstaining from alcohol and waking up at the crack of dawn for training … Not so much.
'You have to admit it doesn't seem to fit in with the yachting lifestyle.' Scott gestured to the scenery around them.
The boat was a sight to behold-luxury in every sense of the word from its classy interior design to the quality craftsmanship out on the deck.