She set the glass down and positioned a handful of talons on his arm. “I made a mistake. With Guy. When I told you, you got so mad. I thought that meant you cared more than you’d let on and needed space to get over it.”
He could have saved her the suspense if he’d just had this conversation a long time ago instead of avoiding confrontation. “Mad because you cheated on me and lied. I never gave you one reason to treat me that way.”
“That’s not true.” She pouted. “I was lonely, and you were so distant and focused on work. The thing with Guy happened in a moment of weakness. He was there for me.”
What a cliché. “You were bored. And guess what? I don’t blame you.”
Improbably, he wasn’t angry about Hansen. Not anymore. He had been detached and passionless with Kyla. When she’d moved on, in hindsight, he’d been relieved. He should have told her.
Kyla’s confusion grew as fast as his clarity. “Does that mean you’ve finally forgiven me?”
“It does. Totally forgiven. You were right, there was a lack of resolution to our relationship. Thanks,” he said sincerely. “For forcing the issue. I’m sorry I was so distant.”
“It’s okay,” she said with a delicate sniff and covered his hand with hers. “I understand why you’re like that. You’re almost a robot. That’s why you’re a director, not an actor, even though you’ve got the look. But you stay behind the camera because you can’t tap into the emotional layers necessary to be someone different in front of the camera.”
Someone different? He was already someone different. The person he could only be because of VJ.
He’d disconnected from life and poured himself into his art, the only defense he thought he had against all the raging things inside. If VJ hadn’t blasted his barriers apart, he’d likely have continued being a non-participant in his own story forever.
He’d tried so hard not to be his father that he’d neglected to be Kris. Only VJ saw through his defenses, demanding his participation, forcing him into the middle of the action. Drawing him out in spite of himself.
“Is that right?” he asked.
She nodded. “You like to tell people what to do. You’re a control freak, and it shuts you down inside. I can help you.”
“Let me ask you something. How come we hardly ever had sex?”
A stiletto scraped against the Travertine when she half stepped, half stumbled in surprise. “You never wanted to. I assumed you had a low sex drive but were too proud to talk about it. Some macho European thing.”
“How come you never wanted to?”
“I did. I tried. You blew me off, muttering about edits or a read-through the next day, and you’d disappear inside yourself.”
That sounded about right. Excuses instead of intimacy. Justifications instead of passion. He only allowed film to excite him.
Until VJ.
“But I’m okay with that,” she purred. Her hand wandered up his arm, toying with his biceps and brushing against his sleeve, as if she had every right to do so. “We’ll work on it. So let’s put it behind us and start over. I forgive you for that little indiscretion in Dallas and—”
He laughed and removed her hand. “You don’t want to get back together. You just want something you can’t have, and you can’t have me. I’m in love with VJ, and I let her go like a complete idiot. I have to get her back.”
Finally, something that made perfect, absolute sense. It was so clear now. He loved her, with ferocious terror and awe. She was his passion and had torn that lid off in her unique VJ style, unleashing a flood of emotion and creativity he had hadn’t even realized was missing.
She balanced him. He’d been teetering so far in the other direction, the true danger lay in living an unengaged life, not in somehow turning violent overnight. Without VJ, his soul would shrivel back up into that person who wasn’t his father, but also wasn’t who he wanted to be.
Kyla’s eyes widened. “She tried to destroy your career, Kris. You can’t be serious.”
“If my career is over, it’s my fault, not hers.” His career was low on the list of concerns at this moment. He’d built it from nothing once, he’d do it again. After settling more important matters. “I should’ve taken responsibility for the problems in my relationship with you a long time ago. If I had, the fake engagement would have died at the outset, and you wouldn’t have had a chance to issue a statement about VJ. You forced her into talking to the press.”
That was his mistake for ever mentioning her to Kyla, which he’d only done as yet another way to avoid his feelings. No more autopilot. VJ warranted all of his heart. All of his passion. The answer was so simple—transfer the energy he spent pretending to be something he wasn’t into ensuring that the passion he felt for her never died, never changed, and was always a positive reinforcement of his love.