The Things She Says(57)
“Yeah. It should be funny. She won’t admit it, but I have no doubt she’s the one who told the press about you and me, trying to upset you and make you look bad. She didn’t expect you to return the favor. Good job. It’s rare to beat Kyla at her own game.” He stared at the floor instead of at her. “I’m going to lose everything without some serious damage control. I have to go back to L.A. and start salvaging. If I’m really lucky and invest a gallon of blood, sweat and tears, I’ll still be able to show my face in Hollywood.”
The option where Kris ended up with her and the movie dissipated into thin air. She’d fooled herself into believing his greatest emotional need was to embrace his passionate side when in reality, he’d already embraced his passions through his career.
Film was his release, his outlet. Not her.
Even if he threw himself at her feet, vowed undying love and swore to give it all up for her—the film, his career, Hollywood, his soul, all of it—she’d tell him to get up and stop being ridiculous. That wasn’t happily ever after, to gut a vibrant, brilliant man, leaving only a cavity behind. But hey, he loved her. Wasn’t that all that mattered?
Not even close.
She swallowed to keep the bile down and knelt on the carpet to take his hand and squeeze it. “You can be mad at me. I deserve it. I—” Another swallow. “I screwed up, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“That’s not on you. I have to put my career back together. I shouldn’t have even agreed to such a stupid stunt. Actually it’s a relief I’ll never have to do it now.” Pain planted deep lines around his gorgeous mouth. “Though I wish it hadn’t been ripped off the table with such final and devastating consequences.”
That made two of them. “When are you leaving?”
“An hour.”
“Is this it, then?”
He didn’t pretend to misunderstand. “It has to be. For now. I’d like to come back and see you again, but I have no idea when. The only reason I came to Dallas is to start work on Visions of Black.”
And there it was.
She’d also fooled herself into believing love conquered all—and that Kris sought it, too, she just had to push him into admitting it. This was a fairy tale, all right. Absolute fiction. He wasn’t looking for love, not with her, or with anyone.
She wasn’t special or gifted with some miraculous ability to understand him. She was nothing more than a fun diversion, which he’d been chillingly honest about.
“I understand.”
“Stay in the suite as long as you want. I’ll give you my number. Let me know when your condo is ready, so I can settle the bill. Don’t be weird about it. Please,” he said as if he’d rehearsed the lines ahead of time. Because he’d known for a while he’d be leaving, and nothing had changed except the day. “I like being your knight in shining armor charging to the rescue. That’s right up your alley, isn’t it?”
If only he’d said that yesterday. This morning. With a vulnerable smile as he said he loved her. At any point when she could still pretend she was woman enough to bulldoze through that wall he kept around his heart. The wall that still had a giant No Trespassing sign, despite her best efforts.
She swallowed against the hot shower of grief in her throat. “Thanks. That’s very generous.”
She sat frozen, staring at the wall, fighting to hold on to the belief that love could be enough to bridge the chasm between them.
“Generous,” she repeated, because it was. “But I can’t accept. In fact, I’ve already accepted too much. I’ll take your address and mail you a check for everything as soon as I can.”
She couldn’t ask him to come back and fall in love with her when she was stable, because that dream was over, but it didn’t remove her responsibility to be a strong woman who could take care of herself.
Perhaps if she had been that woman in the first place, they’d be having an entirely different conversation. He deserved someone like Kyla, a natural part of his world and an asset to his career instead of a disaster. Someone who understood him a whole lot better than she did.
“Don’t go there. Please. I don’t want your money. I want you to stay. I would feel better.” He tilted her chin up to force her to look at him. “I’m sorry. The timing sucks. All of this sucks. I can’t ask you to come to L.A. with me.”
“Of course you can’t. You have a reputation to recover. You can’t do that with me around. I’d be in the way.” She waved it off and fought back a sob. Strong women didn’t fall apart when a casual relationship ended. When the man they loved didn’t love them back. “You don’t owe me anything. We had some fun, and I’m grateful for everything you’ve done. We would have parted ways eventually, right? Now’s as good a time as any.”