“Yeah, and if Dad was there he’d say, ‘Leave the boy alone. He doesn’t have to say anything he doesn’t want to. You’re making a sissy, a momma’s boy out of him.’”
And there it was—the big ugly monster in the room—his father’s opinion mattered. He’d grown up trying to be like him—tough, strong, with his feelings bottled up inside. He was a man and didn’t have to bow to a woman’s will. But in the end his father had bent over backward to please his mistress.
Cadde buried his face in his hands. “Oh, God. I’m just like him—emotionally unavailable.”
“No, you’re not.”
He raised his head. “Do you ever remember Dad saying ‘I love you’ to any of us?”
Chance studied the Oriental rug on the floor. “No.”
“There was always ‘That’s my boy,’ ‘I’m proud of you,’ ‘You did good,’ but not ever ‘I love you.’ How could I emulate a man like that?”
“Cadde…”
“Jessie needed to hear those words. I felt them, but that’s not enough. A woman wants to hear them. That’s why Mom pushed us to say the words she never heard from him. Son of a bitch!”
Silence followed—a heartrending quiet.
“I’ve lost her, Chance,” he said in a low voice.
“No, you haven’t. You hit a big bump in the road, but you’ll both get through this—together.”
“Jessie blames herself for the baby’s death.”
“Why would she do that?”
“She’s the one who put the idea of marriage into Roscoe’s head. She said…she’s been in love with me ever since we met. But I couldn’t see her for Shilah. And now…”
“Oh, man.”
“The boardroom antics were to get my attention. I never saw the signs, so she thought of the baby deal. She’s blaming herself for manipulating the circumstances and she feels the loss of our son is her punishment.”
“You don’t blame her, do you?”
“Hell, no, but she wouldn’t listen to me. She’s out there—” he waved a hand toward the window “—all alone in a world that’s not safe.”
“Just give her time,” Chance suggested, standing. He looked down at all the Christmas decorations. “You might want to get rid of this stuff.”
Cadde got to his feet. “I have a baby’s room to undo, too. I don’t want Jessie to see it when she comes home.”
Chance gave him a hug. “Hang in there, brother.”
“Thanks for the marker.”
“Anytime.” Chance headed for the door and stopped. “The Louisiana well is right on track. No problems yet and the office is running smoothly, just in case you wanted to know.”
“Thanks.”
Cadde sat in the living room until midnight, dozing on and off, waiting for Jessie to come home. He trudged up to bed. He slept in his old room, not able to sleep in the master bedroom without Jessie.
Almost asleep, he heard Mirry whimpering. He picked her up and placed her on the blanket. She was missing Jessie, too.
Jessie, please, come home.
THE NEXT MORNING JESSIE WAITED for the divorce papers so she could sign them. When they arrived, she scribbled her name without allowing herself to think. She had the hotel courier them to Hal’s office and then he’d send them to Cadde for his signature.
Their marriage was over.
At ten she was on a plane for New York. She had to wait several hours, curled up in a chair, for her flight to Rome. Her aunts, Teresa and Margaret Martinez, worked in an orphanage on the outskirts of the city. She had no idea what she was going to find across the ocean. Her aunts didn’t even know she was coming. All Jessie knew was that she had to get away and make some sense of her shattered, broken life.
Before she boarded the plane, she called Myra and left a message. It was simple: I’m fine. Please don’t search for me. She didn’t want the people who cared about her to worry.
A man who sat beside her in first class wore a Stetson and cowboy boots. She avoided looking at him. He was too vivid a reminder. She’d left her hair down to cover her bruised face. Suddenly, she felt hot and weak and had to take a couple of deep breaths. She should have eaten something.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” the man asked.
“Yes. I’m just a little nervous about flying. Thank you.” She curled up and turned away from him, hoping the weakness would leave. Her hair fell forward, covering her face. Exhaustion consumed her and she fell asleep. When she awoke, she saw that a blanket was around her.
The man’s long legs were stretched out with his boots crossed one over the other. They were sitting in the first seats. She guessed that’s why he was here, ’cause he needed leg room. He was tall like… No, no, no! She couldn’t think his name. She’d fall apart.