No. Oh please, no. Evelyn stiffened. Something was wrong. They should be in open water by now.
Just then, Christina started to sob. Her shoulders shook and she couldn’t catch her breath. Evelyn pulled at the wet clothes sticking to her skin and stared out the ferry window at the hard rain and the gray-green sea.
“Mommy.” It came out between great gulps of air. “I want to see Pop-Pop, Mommy. Can we see Pop-Pop and Reba and Tussy? Take me home, Mommy.”
Her niece looked up at Evelyn, her big brown eyes filled with longing. “Please? I want to go home.”
Evelyn froze. She didn’t know what to say. Her niece had just called her “mommy.” Three times. And it devastated her. Could it be that her little-girl memories of Amanda were already starting to fade? Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue. Or maybe she simply needed Evelyn to play that role for the time being, just to get her through this latest frightening and exhausting experience.
More importantly, she had no idea how to respond to her request to go home. Christina wanted the things she would never have again—a home with her grandfather, feeding her favorite goat and helping to milk the family’s dairy cow. She wanted her life back, but she would never get it, because her future could go either of two ways: she would be on the run the rest of her childhood, or she would live in a fancy Back Bay mansion with her rich old father, who would send her to boarding school as soon as the novelty of having a child began to wear thin.
“I know you’re sad. I’m so sorry you’re hurting, Christina. I’m hurting, too.” She put her fingers under her niece’s chin and tipped her face. She wanted to look directly in her eyes when she said the words. “Everyone loves you more than you will ever know. Your mommy loves you from heaven. Pop-Pop Charlie loves you with all his heart. And all the animals, too, they love you. See, people still love you even if you aren’t with them. Love never goes away.”
Christina’s chin began to tremble.
“And Jellybean, I love you so much that you are the most important thing in the world to me. You matter more to me than anything.”
Her niece lifted her arms and Evelyn picked her up. Christina wrapped her small legs around Evelyn’s waist, pressed into the crook of her arm, and began to cry. Hard. It was a gasping sound full of sorrow. Evelyn couldn’t take it. She buried her face in Christina’s neck and cried right along with her. So much sadness . . . so much grief . . . as deep as the ocean. Evelyn doubted they’d ever find the bottom of it.
Some time passed. Maybe two or three minutes, and Evelyn looked up when she heard the passenger cabin door open. She wasn’t particularly surprised. In fact, she felt nothing. No fear. No panic. It was almost as if she knew he was out there, waiting for them.
Clancy Flynn was draped in a deep blue rain suit. He wore no hat. He probably had his uniform under it all, but at first glance, he didn’t look like a police officer. He just looked like a guy who’d run through the rain to catch the ferry.
He walked to the center of the cabin and stopped. Evelyn met his gaze, knowing she was still crying but not caring anymore. She’d failed. She’d given up. It was almost funny—the girl who planned and trained and worked her ass off so that she always finished the race had just quit.
She shook her head at Clancy. “Not in front of her,” she whispered. “Please. That’s all I ask.”
Clancy said nothing, just came close to the bench, grabbed the duffel and put the strap on his shoulder. He touched Evelyn’s elbow, helped her stand, and grabbed their wet coats. “It will be okay. Everything will be all right.”
She felt like she was sleepwalking. They stepped over the threshold and were back in the rain, but Clancy produced a large umbrella and it sprang open over their heads. He gently held on to Evelyn’s arm. This wasn’t like any arrest she’d ever seen on TV. He wasn’t reciting her Miranda rights or yelling for her to put her hands up. He was simply accompanying them down the gangway to the dock, trying to keep the rain from pummeling them. Christina hung on to her so tightly that Evelyn worried she would cut off her circulation.