Suddenly the door burst open and Reverend Hammond’s voice trailed off in surprise. There was little that could silence the good Reverend so every head in the congregation turned to the door to see what kind of demon stood there. Rita craned her neck, then nudged Maddie urgently. Mrs Megalith paused a moment at the entrance while the fresh coastal wind blew in and caused her long blue dress to billow about her ankles. She sniffed as her moonstone eyes surveyed the scene before her. It had been years, literally, since she had last been to church, but only a matter of weeks since she had last clashed with Reverend Hammond over the corruption of the word of God by organized religion. Reverend Hammond found he could not continue. Mrs Megalith had reduced him to a gasping fish floundering on a riverbank.
She proceeded to walk up the aisle, slow and stately, the tapping of her stick echoing ominously off the walls. No one spoke. Only Eddie giggled mischievously into her hand to be silenced by a sharp nudge from her mother. Hannah was aghast. Megagran was famous for hating church, the vicar and for finding the very institution of religion dogmatic, not to say mercenary. She claimed she felt the presence of God in her garden and didn’t need to pay good money for the privilege of sitting in His house and hearing the vicar speak of Him as if he knew Him more intimately than anyone else. ‘It’s a bloody con,’ she would say. ‘If people knew they could talk to Him in the comfort of their own kitchens they wouldn’t bother going to church and listening to that old bore lecture them about suffering.’ Now Hannah cringed as her mother forced them all to squeeze together so that she could sit at the end of the pew. Reverend Hammond watched the large crystals around her neck glitter as they caught the light and nervously fingered the simple cross that hung about his own. He seemed to have shrunk and, when he finally managed to speak, his voice was little more than a croak.
‘We are all welcome here in God’s house,’ he began and tried to ignore the loud ‘tut’ from Mrs Megalith and the challenging expression in her eyes. Hannah wondered what on earth had possessed her mother to come. What’s more, thanks to her, they were all exceedingly uncomfortable squashed together like cans on the kitchen shelf. ‘Let us sing hymn number three hundred and twenty-five, I Vow To Thee My Country.’ The congregation rose to its feet and sang in hearty voices the hymn they all knew and loved so well. Reverend Hammond was only too happy to hand the service over to Miss Hogmier and her uncertain organ playing.
As the service progressed Reverend Hammond began to relax. He avoided looking at Mrs Megalith’s tight face and reasserted his authority. Then just when everything seemed to be back to normal a large black cat, the size of a dog, appeared from nowhere and jumped onto the altar. Reverend Hammond was the only person who didn’t see it for he was facing his congregation. Johnnie and Jane pointed at it excitedly.
One cat might not have caused a commotion, two might have been allowed to roam the nave in peace, but five, six, seven, eight cats could not be ignored. One by one the cats appeared at the altar, slid up against the white cloth with their backs rigid and their tails high in the air, then sprang up to pad across the top, carefully avoiding the candlesticks and silver. Reverend Hammond noticed that the eyes of his congregation were not on him as he delivered what he felt to be a brilliant sermon. When he allowed his gaze to succumb to the magnetic force of Mrs Megalith’s awesome personality, he found that she was looking as surprised as everyone else. No longer able to contain his curiosity he turned to see what had diverted their attention.
Cats of every colour and size played about the altar. He was in no doubt that the Elvestree Witch had something to do with it for she was well known for keeping a house full of cats. Wearily he turned back to his congregation. ‘As I said, we are all welcome in God’s house,’ he quipped lamely. Then he focused his attention on Mrs Megalith. ‘Legend has it that cats are good luck. God has blessed this house today. Let us pray.’
Mrs Megalith leaned over to Maddie and hissed loudly in her ear. ‘It is also legend that if you keep a black cat you will never be short of lovers. I bet he doesn’t know that.’ Maddie wanted to retort that if such a legend were true her grandmother would have more lovers than time, but she wisely kept her thoughts to herself.
When the service finally drew to a close the entire congregation waited for Mrs Megalith to hobble back down the aisle with Maddie and Rita followed by Hannah, Eddie, Humphrey and the eight cats. They watched her pass, more sure than ever that she was indeed a witch. Out in the sunshine Hannah turned on her mother. ‘Why did you come?’ she demanded.