“Good idea. We should take advantage of tonight before my family gets here in the morning, because once they do, you’ll be rooming with Kayla and I’ll be camping out on my parent’s floor.”
“You’re always trying to take advantage.” The laugh comes from around her toothbrush.
I join her in the bathroom, stepping close so my hands can roam up her sides, burying my nose in the crook of her neck as she brushes her teeth. “I don’t have to try very hard, do I?”
“Oh please, I can totally resist you. Remember that day you decided not to wear pants in a desperate attempt to get me to seduce you?” She removes the toothbrush and taps her chin as she recollects. “It was a useless attempt to reverse psychology me, but I lasted the entire day without jumping your bones. I practically had super powers.”
“Whatever. That didn’t count because you took off your pants as a counter attack, which didn’t work. Ended up screwing anyway.”
She sighs, toothpaste dripping form the corner of her mouth. “At least we gave it the old college try.”
“We sure did.”
My heart is pounding a million miles a minute, pounding like it’s never pounded before. Not even when I was introduced to the scout for the Olympic wrestling team last semester. Not when I told him no, I wasn’t going to be advancing my wrestling career and joining the team.
I was done. Mind was made up.
I plan to intern for a law firm in my hometown next summer with the hopes of getting a job in their human resources department. Then I’m going to buy a house with Jameson and we’re going to live together, get married, and make cardigan-wearing babies.
I crack open the black velvet ring box, drop to one knee, and present it to her, lid open. Jameson’s blue eyes widen, hands flying to her mouth in astonished surprise. “Sebastian.” She breathes. “It’s beautiful.”
It doesn’t escape my notice that she hasn’t reached for the ring.
“Jameson Victoria Clark. Will you marry me?”
“I don’t know what to say…”
“Say yes.” I laugh, as if there isn’t anything to discuss and this is a done deal. “Have I shocked the shit out of you? Why aren’t you saying yes?”
“I can’t,” she whispers, her breath leaving her body in short puffs. The air turns frigid cold and steam rises from our mouths. “I can’t marry you.”
Can’t marry me? What the ever-loving fuck.
“Can’t?” I snap the ring box closed. “Or won’t.”
Her head gives a tiny, almost imperceptible shake. “Can’t. Won’t.”
“Why?” I demand. “Why won’t you marry me?”
“You don’t even know me Sebastian.”
I fumble to my feet, reaching for her. “Baby, please. What do you mean I don’t know you? You’re my best friend.”
“And you’re mine…”
“Then why aren’t you saying yes?” I repeat, voice cracking. “I tell you everything; you know things even my parents and sister don’t know. Things I’ve never told the guys, or my coaches.” I suck in a breath. “James, I…I…”
The three little words I’ve never said to her get lodged in my throat, choking me, making me hesitate.
Jameson pulls away, her eyebrows going up. She glowers. “See? Right there. That’s the reason I can’t marry you.”
“Big deal. It’s only been seven months. Lots of people don’t say the L word after only a few months.”
“Stop talking, Sebastian, you’re making it worse. The fact that you can’t even tell me you lo—” Her sob cuts off whatever she’s about to say.
“Baby, I’m an idiot…what do you expect?”
“I expect more than a man that makes excuses about why he can’t tell me how he feels.” Her anger turns to a cry, a steady stream of tears pooling down her flushed cheeks.
“Don’t cry, please don’t cry.”
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“This dream is turning into a fucking nightmare,” I moan.
“That’s because you’re dreaming.”
“No,” I argue. “This is a goddamn nightmare, Jameson—”
“Sebastian. Sebastian wake up, you’re having a dream.”
With a start, I gasp, jolting myself awake.
“Shhhh, you were crying.” Jameson’s delicate palm runs down the course of my spine in a gentle stroke, landing at my waist and wrapping around my middle. I feel the pillows of her pouty lips plant a kiss to the planes of my shoulder blades, her hot breath caressing my bare skin as she spoons me from behind.
“I was?”
“You were,” she whispers with another kiss on my shoulder.
“Fuck, sorry. Did I wake you up?”
She nods. “You did, but it’s okay.”
Shit. “What was I saying?”
“You don’t remember?”
I lay in the dark, staring at the wall before rolling to my back. Moonlight floods the hotel room, casting a warm glow on Jameson’s beautiful, worried face.
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Her voice is a gentle caress from the shadows.
“I asked you to marry me, and you said no.”
“Why did I say no?” Jameson is biting down on her lip to hide her smile. I can see her white teeth glowing against the light filtering into the room.
“Because I haven’t told you I love you yet.” My voice is small and aloof, because even though it was a dream, I feel like an asshole.
“Oh?”
And I haven’t, not yet. We’ve been together officially for more than half a year and all I’ve ever done is show her with my body how much I care. That part I’m stellar at. That part is easy. The sex. The affection. Holding hands. Whispered words across the library table. The way every now and again, she lets me fuck her in a study room.
Not once have I told Jameson how my heart feels about her, how I love her intelligence and sarcasm. How I love her quick wit, and the fact that she doesn’t put up with any of my shit. Or Zeke’s nonstop bullshit.
How I love her.
No wonder she keeps rejecting me in my own damn dreams.
I’m a dick.
“James?”
“Sebastian?” This time when she smiles, she doesn’t bother hiding it.
I roll over to face her, repositioned so we’re snuggled against each other in the center of the bed, her arms across my stomach. My fingers find and sweep away the stray hairs across her temple, and I stroke her forehead.
“I do, you know. Love you. More than probably anything.”
There. I said it.
And wouldn’t you know, her breath actually hitches—just like you see in the movies when the girl is so startled and pleased she loses her breath for a second.
“I know you love me.” Wistful and filled with wonder. “I love you, too.”
Somehow, it’s not enough. “For real though, babe. The only person I love more than you is myself.”
A loud laugh fills the otherwise darkened room. “Oh my god, tell me you did not just say that.”
Am I missing something here? “What’s so damn funny? I’m being serious.”
“The only person you love more than me is you?”
“Yeah, so?”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“But you love me?”
“So much.”
A floodgate opens, and now that I’ve said the words, they’re easier to say than I could have ever imagined.
“I love you.” My arms stretch toward her, dragging her flush against me then pulling her over my body. Hands grasping her face, I do my best to look in her eyes. “I love you.”
Our lips meet and she sighs.
“I love you, Jameson. I’m in love with you.”
“Desperately?” She breathes with a smile.
“So desperately.” I open my mouth for another kiss with tongue. “So fucking much.”
I don’t stop dreaming about us.
Won’t stop.
And when the time comes and I ask her to marry me and have cardigan-wearing babies?
She’s going to say yes.
The End