the forest.
• C H A P T E R 2 2 •
We were afraid of what might happen next. Under Béka's direction, we roamed the woods, never
camping in the same place for more than three nights in a row. Waiting for some decision from Béka
brewed a disease among us. We fought over food, water, the best resting places. Ragno and Zanzara
neglected the most basic grooming; their hair tangled in vinelike riots, and their skin darkened beneath a
film of dirt. Chavisory, Blomma, and Kivi suffered an an-gry silence, sometimes not speaking for days on
end. Desperate without his smokes and distractions, Luchóg snapped over the tiniest provocation and
would have come to blows with Smaolach if not for his friends gentle dispo-sition. I would often find
Smaolach after their arguments, staring at the ground, pulling handfuls of grass from the earth. Speck
grew more distant, withdrawn into her own imagination, and when she suggested a moment alone
together, I gladly joined her away from the others.
In that Indian summer, the days stayed warm despite the waning of the light, and a second spring
brought not only a renewed blossoming of wild roses and other flowers but another crop of berries. With
such unexpected bounty, the bees and other insects extended their lives and mad pursuit of sweets. The
birds put off their southern migration. Even the trees slowed down their leaving, going from dark
saturated hues to paler shades of green.
"Aniday," she said, "listen. Here they come."
We were sitting at the edge of a clearing, doing nothing, soaking in the manual sunshine. Speck
lifted her head skyward to gather in the shadow of wings beating through the air. When they had all
landed, the blackbirds fanned out their tails as they paraded to the wild raspberries, hopping to a tangle
of shoots to gorge themselves. The glen echoed with their chatter. She reached ground my back and put
her hand on my far shoulder, then rested her head against me. The sunlight danced in patterns on the
ground thrown by leaves blowing in the breeze.
"Look at that one." She spoke softly, pointing her finger at a lone black-bird, struggling to reach a
plump red berry at the end of a flexing cane. It persisted, pinned the cane to the ground, impaling the
stalk with its sharp hooked feet, then attacked the berry in three quick bites. After its meal, the bird
began to sing, then flew away, wings flashing in the dappled light, and then the flock took off and
followed into the early October afternoon.
"When I first came here," I confessed to her, "I was afraid of the crows that returned each night to
the trees around our home."
"You used to cry like a baby." Her voice softened and slowed. "I wonder what it is like to hold a
baby in my arms, feel like a grown-up woman instead of sticks and bones. I remember my mother, so
soft in unexpected places— rounder, fuller, deeper. Stronger than you'd expect by looking."
"Tell me what they were like, my family. What happened to me?"
"When you were a boy," she began, "I watched over you. You were my charge. I knew your
mother; she loved to nestle you on her lap as she read to you old Irish tales and called you her 'little
man.' But you were a selfish boy, constantly wanting more and desperate over any attention shown to
your little sisters."
"Sisters?" I asked, not remembering.
"Twins. Baby girls."
I was grateful that she could confirm there were two.
"You resented helping with them, angry that your time was not yours to do with what you pleased.
Oh, such a brat. Your mother was taking care of the twins, worrying over your father, with no one to
help her. She was worn out by it all, and that made you angrier still. An unhappy child ..." Her voice
trailed off for a moment, and she laid her hand on my arm;
"He waited for you like a fox at the edge of a pond, and he made all sorts of mischief around the
farm—a knocked-over fence, a missing hen, the drying sheets torn from the line. He wanted your life,
and the one whose turn it is brooks no argument. Every eye was upon you for months, anticipating a
mo-ment of petulance. Then, you ran away from home."
Speck drew me closer, ran her fingers through my hair, laid my head in the crook of her nape.
"She asked you to wash up the babies after breakfast, so that she might have a quick bath, but you
left them all alone in the house, imagine that. 'Now stay here and play with your dollies. Mom's in the tub,
and I'll be right outside, I so don't make any trouble.' And out you stepped to toss a ball into the bright
yellow sky and watch the grasshoppers scatter across the lawn before your rac-ing feet. I wanted to
come play with you, but someone had to watch the tod-dlers. I slipped inside, crouched on the kitchen