After the fire, Tess saved me. Distraught over the damage I had done, I moped about the house for
days. The destruction of the children's section was not my fault, although I deeply regretted the loss of all
the books. The children will need new stories and fairy tales to see them through their nightmares and
daydreams, to transfigure their sorrows and fears at not being able to remain children forever.
Tess and Edward arrived home from her cousin's just as the police were leaving. It seems I was
regarded as a person of suspicion, for the librarians had reported my spate of frequent visits and "erratic
behavior." The firemen had discovered the lantern in the ashes, but there was no way to link back to me
what had once been my father's. Tess accepted my feeble explanations, and when the police came
around again, she told them a little white lie, saying that we had spoken over the phone on the night of
the fire and she remembered quite clearly having woken me from a deep sleep. Without any proof, the
mat-ter faded. The arson investigation, as far as I know, proved inconclusive, and the blaze passed into
local lore, as if the books themselves had suddenly burst into flames.
Having Tess and Edward back home those few weeks before school started was both reassuring
and unnerving. Their mere presence in the house calmed my fragile psyche after the fire, but there were
times when I could barely look Tess in the eye. Burdened with guilt over her complicity, I searched for
some way to tell her the truth, and perhaps she guessed the reasons for my growing anxiety.
"I feel responsible, in part," Tess told me over dinner. "And helpless. As if we should do something
about rebuilding." Over our lamb chops, she out-lined a plan to raise money for the library. The details
arrived in such waves that I knew Tess had been contemplating the matter since the day of her re-turn.
"We'll start a book drive, too, and you can make your concert a benefit for the children."
Stunned and relieved, I could raise no objection, and over the next weeks, the bursts of activity
overwhelmed my sense of decorum and privacy. People boxed up their fairy tales and nursery rhymes,
and swarmed through the house at all hours with cartons of books, stacking them in the studio and
garage. What had been my hermitage became a beehive for the well-intentioned. The phone rang
constantly with offers to help. On top of the hubbub over the books, planning for the concert interrupted
our peace. An artist came by to show poster designs for the concert. Advance tickets were sold from
our living room. On a Saturday morning, Lewis Love and his teenaged son, Oscar, showed up with a
pickup truck, and we loaded the organ in the back to install it in the church. Rehearsals were scheduled
for three nights a week, and the students and the musicians constructed it measure by measure. The
giddy pace and hum of life left me too exhausted to consider my conflicted emotions. Swept up in the
motion Tess had created, I could only truly function by concentrating on the music as the date for the
performance drew near.
From the wings, I watched the crowd file into the church for the benefit pre-miere of The Stolen
Child on that night in late October. Since I was perform-ing on the organ, I had passed the conductor's
baton to Oscar Love, and our old Coverboys drummer Jimmy Cummings was on timpani. Oscar had
rented a tuxedo for the occasion and Jimmy had cut his hair, and we seemed much too respectable
versions of our former selves. A few of my fellow teachers from Twain sat together in the back rows,
and even one of the last remaining nuns from our grade school days attended. Ebullient as ever, my
sisters showed up in formal wear, pearls at their collars, and they flanked my mother and Charlie, who
winked at me as if to impart a dose of his abundant confidence. I was most surprised to see Eileen Blake
escorted by her son Brian, who was in town for a visit. He gave me a momentary fright when they
arrived, but the more I studied him, the less he could be compared rationally with Edward. My son after
all, and thank goodness, he takes after his mother in every respect but appearance. With his hair tamed,
and dressed up in his first suit and tie, Edward looked like another boy altogether, and seeing the
foreshadowing of the man my son will become one day, I felt both pride and regret over the brevity of
childhood. Tess could not stop grinning that crooked smile of hers, and rightfully so, for the symphony I
had promised to write long ago was nearly hers.
To let in some fresh air on the crisp autumn night, the priests had cracked the windows, and a light
breeze crossed the altar and the nave. The organ had been positioned at the apse because of the
acoustics, and my back was to the audience and the rest of the small orchestra as we took our positions;