I had to believe it was enough because the alternative sucked.
Afterward Ben pulled me into his arms and we laid together so close that I swear he could breathe for me. And eventually, when my heart slowed down enough, when my mind emptied, when I was brave enough …
I began to tell him about my parents.
I told him what it was like living with a mother who was unstable and a father who slowly left us for a new love, a Russian bitch named vodka.
I told him about my mother's weird love of knives and how she would threaten me and Matt when she was having a bad day. I told him about the water park I never got to visit, and how on my thirteenth birthday she left me and my friends to go get my cake from the bakery but didn't come back.
I told him how Matt lived and breathed hockey-it was his escape-but I was the one left behind. The one who looked after mom when she'd been in bed for days without showering or eating.
I told him that she'd driven off a bridge and killed herself and my dad. I told him every single dark secret about my family, but I didn't tell him mine. I couldn't.
Ben held me. He showered me with his love, his heat and his goodness. I felt safe. I felt loved.
I let his warmth wash away the sins of my parents and swore that I would tell him the rest soon. I would tell him about my illness. I would tell him about the little pills I needed to take in order to function properly.
I would tell him that I wasn't perfect. That I was damaged. I would tell him that for the first time since my diagnosis I felt hope.
I just needed to gather a little more courage and then I could say the word, the one I hated to say. The one that labeled me.
Bi-polar.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ben
My sister Eden thinks that I have horseshoes coming out of my ass. Mostly because I've pretty much excelled at everything I've ever tried. Hockey. Baseball. Guitar. Math. I was that guy. The one who aced all his classes, was captain of whatever team he played on and got whatever girl he wanted.
I never thought about it much because it was just the way things were. I was used to winning and I was used to getting what I wanted.
And what I wanted right now was Georgia King. But I didn't want her for today or tomorrow or even next month. I wanted her for forever.
I was no longer horseshoe guy. I was that other guy. The one who would do anything for a girl. Hell, if Georgia asked me to shave my head or tattoo her fucking name on my body, I would. And everyone knows getting a name tattooed onto your skin was a bad idea.
But for her I would do it. For her I would wear pink with purple polka dots if it would give me the smile that I was looking at right now. For Georgia, I would do anything.
I'd taken her out for dinner and now it was time for her surprise.
"Happy birthday," I said and then bent down to claim the mouth that had been driving me crazy all day.
A few wolf whistles rang out in the club but I didn't care. Hell, I liked that fact that everyone could see she was with me. That she was mine. My girl.
When we touched the heat was unmistakable. It was intense and if not for the fact that we were in the middle of the crowded VIP lounge in Club NV, I would have had her out of the sexy black dress she wore and flat on her back.
I finally managed to drag my mouth from hers, though I kept my hands on her waist, kept her close and intimate.
Her hair fell over her bare shoulders just the way I liked, a little wild and a little messy. Her cheeks were flush, her lips swollen from mine, and her eyes-her eyes were fixed behind me and they wrong.
Wait. What the fuck was wrong?
"Hey," I said carefully. "Is everything alright? I wanted to surprise you for your birthday and Kendall said that this band was one of your favorites."
Had I screwed this all up?
Her eyes were on the stage downstairs. The band hadn't taken the stage yet because the band was part of her surprise. Spleen. I'd never heard of them but I'd managed to get hold of her girlfriend and she'd said they were local and that they were one of Georgia's favorites.
I'd made a few phone calls and turns out, the owner of the club was a huge Flyer fan. He booked Spleen for me and I thought they would keep that smile on Georgia's face all night long.
Her brows furrowed and she chewed on her bottom lip which I knew meant she was either nervous or pissed.
"Hey," I said more than a little alarmed. "We can leave. I just … I thought this would be good for you tonight. For your birthday." Obviously not. Why the hell had I listened to her friend?
I glanced over to Kendall and gave her a mental fuck you. She'd met us at the club and had brought a bunch of people I didn't know. I didn't give a shit about any of them but I thought that Georgia did and that was the point of everything. It was her 21st birthday and I wanted it to be special.
"It's okay," she said finally. "Thank you."
But it wasn't okay and I had no idea what was wrong.
The house lights dimmed, the crowd below and behind us erupted into cheers and the unmistakable crunch of a guitar spilled across the club.
We looked down at the stage and I watched five guys take over. None of them wore shirts, all of them were tattooed and pierced and the guitar player … .
My eyes narrowed. Fuck. It was the guy from the country club. The guy Georgia said she'd dated. The guy she said didn't matter but from the rigid set of her shoulders, I called bullshit.
The guy grinned up at us and let a long, lingering chord ring out as he grabbed the mic from his singer. He saluted Georgia and everyone below turned to see who he was looking at.
"Happy Birthday to the hottest girl I know. I don't know how we can top last year babe, but I'm sure as hell gonna try."
He threw the mic back at his singer and the band dove into a hard rocking, full throttle song about drinking and drugging and sexing. It was heavy and usually I liked that sorta shit, but not tonight. Not with that guy down there looking at my girl as if he wanted her.
As if he'd had her.
Red hot jealousy shot through me and the need to go all cave man and drag her out of the club was strong. I wanted to tell guitar guy to keep his eyes off Georgia. I wanted to tell him that if he dared to mental fuck my girlfriend in front me I was going to kick his ass and break him. My fists clenched at the thought.
I moved behind Georgia, boxing her in against the ledge as we stared down at the band and I whispered next to her ear. "We can leave if you want."
Sure I was all about doing whatever the hell she wanted tonight, but the simple fact was, I wanted out of there. I hated that guy and the vibe I was getting wasn't good.
Kendall slid up beside us and hip poked Georgia. "Oh my God, they sound awesome!"
Georgia nodded to her friend and then glanced up at me. "I'm good," she mouthed. "Are you?"
No. Let's get the hell out of here.
"Yeah," I answered. "As long as you are." I pulled her into me as we watched Spleen rock and roll their way through the next ninety minutes.
By the time their set was done the club was a mess of sweaty bodies, some of whom were basically having sex in the pit below us and the ones in the dark corners were definitely getting down and dirty. The waitress had been over several times and I had moved on from beer to my old buddy Jack.
My good mood was long gone. It had fizzled right about the time guitar guy-Travis was what the girls chanted below-raised a glass to Georgia and shouted out that their one and only cover tune was one he was dedicating to her. He'd stuck his tongue through his fingers and waggled it before shouting into the microphone, "You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me! You crazy bitch!"
Who the hell did this guy think he was?
Dance music replaced Spleen and I wasn't sure what was worse. I hated dance music. I hated guitar guy.
Either way, the music was loud, my buzz wasn't doing anything to dull it and I needed to be alone with Georgia. There was no way in hell I could get through the rest of the night until I knew the truth about her and tattooed Travis.
"Let's go." I grabbed her hand and turned, pulling her along behind me as I tried to figure out where we could find a bit of privacy. I passed the bar and spotted an exit. Bingo.