The State of the Art(61)

to get a few people starting to answer him back,

then roared on; 'I'll tell you what!They won't

believe us!Oh, so we have moving maps of the

galaxy accurate to a millimetre contained in

something the size of a sugar cube, oh so we can

make Orbitals and Rings and get across the galaxy

in a year and make bombs too small to see that

could tear their planet apart' Li sneered, let one

hand flap limp. 'Nothing.These people expect time

travel, telepathy, matter transmission.Yes, we can

say, Well, we do have a very limited form of

prescience through the use of anti-matter at the

boundary of the energy grid which lets us see

nearly a millisecond into or Well, we usually train

our minds in a way not entirely compatible with

natural telepathic empathy, such as it is, but see

this machine here?Well, if you ask it nicely or

Well, displacing isn't quite transmission of matter,

but [*13*] They will laugh us out of the UN

building; especially when they discover we haven't

even got out of our home galaxy yet unless you

count the Clouds, but I doubt they would.And

anyway; what is the Culture as a society compared

to what they expect?They expect capitalists in

space, or an empire.A libertarian-anarchist

Utopia?Equality?Liberty?Fraternity?This is not so

much old-fashioned stuff as simply unfashionable

stuff.Their warped minds have taken them away on

an evaporatingly stupid side track off the main

sequence of social evolution, and we are probably

more alien than they are capable of understanding.

'So, the ship thinks we should just sit and watch

this pack of genocidal buffoons for the next few

millenia?' Li shook his head, wagged one finger. 'I

think not.I have a better idea, and I shall put it into

effect as soon as I am elected captain.But now, he

raised his hands and clapped. 'The sweet course.'

The drones and units reappeared, holding small

steaming bowls of meat.Li topped up a few of the

glasses nearest him and urged everybody else to

refill their own as the final course was

distributed.I'd just about filled myself up on the

cheeses, but after Li's speech I seemed to have a

bit more room.Still, I was glad my bowl was

small.The aroma coming off the meat was quite

pleasant, but I didn't think, somehow, it was an

Earth dish.

'Meat as a sweet dish?' Roghres said, sniffing the gently steaming bowl. 'Hmm; smells sweet,

certainly.'

'Shit,' Tel Ghemada said prodding at her own

bowl, 'I know what this is'

'Ladies and gentlemen,' Li said, standing with a

bowl in one hand and a silver fork in the other. 'A

little taste of Earth no; more than that: a chance for

you to participate in the rough and tumble of living

on a squalid backwater planet without actually

having to leave your seat or get your feet dirty.' He

stabbed a bit of the meat, put it in his mouth,

chewed and swallowed. 'Human flesh, ladies and

gents; cooked muscle of hom. sap. as I suspect few of you might have guessed.A little on the sweet

side for my palate, but quite acceptable.Eat up.'

I shook my head.Roghres snorted.Tel put her spoon

down.I sampled some of Li's unusual dish while he

continued. 'I had the ship take a few cells from a

variety of people on Earth.Without their

knowledge, of course.' He waved the sword

vaguely at the table behind us. 'Most of you over

there will be eating either Stewed Idi Amin or

General Pinochet Chilli Con Carne; here in the

centre we have a combination of General

Stroessner Meat Balls and Richard Nixon

Burgers.The rest of you have Ferdinand Marcos

Sauté and Shah of Iran Kebabs.There are, in

addition, scattered bowls of Fricaséed Kim II

Sung, Boiled General Videla, and Ian Smith in

Black Bean Sauce all done just right by the

excellent - if leaderless - chef we have around

us.Eat up!Eat up!'

We ate up, most of us quite amused.One or two

thought the idea a little too outre, and some

affected boredom because they thought Li needed

discouragement not accomplices, while a few

were just too full already.But the majority laughed

and ate, comparing tastes and textures.

'If they could see us now,' Roghres giggled.

'Cannibals from outer space!'

When we were mostly done, Li stood on the table

again and clapped his hands above his head.

'Listen!Listen!Here's what I'll do if you make me

captain!' The noise died away slowly, but there

was still a fair amount of chattering and laughter.Li

raised his voice. 'Earth is a silly and boring

planet.If not, then it is too deeply unpleasant to be

allowed to exist!Dammit, there's something wrong

with those people!They are beyond redemption and

hope!They are not very bright, they are incredibly bigoted, and unbe-fucking-lievably cruel, both to

their own kind and any other species that has the

misfortune to stray within range, which of course