to get a few people starting to answer him back,
then roared on; 'I'll tell you what!They won't
believe us!Oh, so we have moving maps of the
galaxy accurate to a millimetre contained in
something the size of a sugar cube, oh so we can
make Orbitals and Rings and get across the galaxy
in a year and make bombs too small to see that
could tear their planet apart' Li sneered, let one
hand flap limp. 'Nothing.These people expect time
travel, telepathy, matter transmission.Yes, we can
say, Well, we do have a very limited form of
prescience through the use of anti-matter at the
boundary of the energy grid which lets us see
nearly a millisecond into or Well, we usually train
our minds in a way not entirely compatible with
natural telepathic empathy, such as it is, but see
this machine here?Well, if you ask it nicely or
Well, displacing isn't quite transmission of matter,
but [*13*] They will laugh us out of the UN
building; especially when they discover we haven't
even got out of our home galaxy yet unless you
count the Clouds, but I doubt they would.And
anyway; what is the Culture as a society compared
to what they expect?They expect capitalists in
space, or an empire.A libertarian-anarchist
Utopia?Equality?Liberty?Fraternity?This is not so
much old-fashioned stuff as simply unfashionable
stuff.Their warped minds have taken them away on
an evaporatingly stupid side track off the main
sequence of social evolution, and we are probably
more alien than they are capable of understanding.
'So, the ship thinks we should just sit and watch
this pack of genocidal buffoons for the next few
millenia?' Li shook his head, wagged one finger. 'I
think not.I have a better idea, and I shall put it into
effect as soon as I am elected captain.But now, he
raised his hands and clapped. 'The sweet course.'
The drones and units reappeared, holding small
steaming bowls of meat.Li topped up a few of the
glasses nearest him and urged everybody else to
refill their own as the final course was
distributed.I'd just about filled myself up on the
cheeses, but after Li's speech I seemed to have a
bit more room.Still, I was glad my bowl was
small.The aroma coming off the meat was quite
pleasant, but I didn't think, somehow, it was an
Earth dish.
'Meat as a sweet dish?' Roghres said, sniffing the gently steaming bowl. 'Hmm; smells sweet,
certainly.'
'Shit,' Tel Ghemada said prodding at her own
bowl, 'I know what this is'
'Ladies and gentlemen,' Li said, standing with a
bowl in one hand and a silver fork in the other. 'A
little taste of Earth no; more than that: a chance for
you to participate in the rough and tumble of living
on a squalid backwater planet without actually
having to leave your seat or get your feet dirty.' He
stabbed a bit of the meat, put it in his mouth,
chewed and swallowed. 'Human flesh, ladies and
gents; cooked muscle of hom. sap. as I suspect few of you might have guessed.A little on the sweet
side for my palate, but quite acceptable.Eat up.'
I shook my head.Roghres snorted.Tel put her spoon
down.I sampled some of Li's unusual dish while he
continued. 'I had the ship take a few cells from a
variety of people on Earth.Without their
knowledge, of course.' He waved the sword
vaguely at the table behind us. 'Most of you over
there will be eating either Stewed Idi Amin or
General Pinochet Chilli Con Carne; here in the
centre we have a combination of General
Stroessner Meat Balls and Richard Nixon
Burgers.The rest of you have Ferdinand Marcos
Sauté and Shah of Iran Kebabs.There are, in
addition, scattered bowls of Fricaséed Kim II
Sung, Boiled General Videla, and Ian Smith in
Black Bean Sauce all done just right by the
excellent - if leaderless - chef we have around
us.Eat up!Eat up!'
We ate up, most of us quite amused.One or two
thought the idea a little too outre, and some
affected boredom because they thought Li needed
discouragement not accomplices, while a few
were just too full already.But the majority laughed
and ate, comparing tastes and textures.
'If they could see us now,' Roghres giggled.
'Cannibals from outer space!'
When we were mostly done, Li stood on the table
again and clapped his hands above his head.
'Listen!Listen!Here's what I'll do if you make me
captain!' The noise died away slowly, but there
was still a fair amount of chattering and laughter.Li
raised his voice. 'Earth is a silly and boring
planet.If not, then it is too deeply unpleasant to be
allowed to exist!Dammit, there's something wrong
with those people!They are beyond redemption and
hope!They are not very bright, they are incredibly bigoted, and unbe-fucking-lievably cruel, both to
their own kind and any other species that has the
misfortune to stray within range, which of course