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The State of the Art(49)

By:Iain M. Banks


bounced, and passed Li, a little behind us and

travelling in the opposite direction, still heading

for the wall.Roghres watched him going by with

the studied interest of a bar drunk watching a fly on

the rim of a glass. 'Far out.'

'Anyway,' I said, as we passed. 'How does all this

make it boring?Surely there's so much going on -'

'That it's deeply boring.An excess of boringness

does not make a thing interesting except in the

driest academic sense.A place is not boring if you

have to look really hard for something which is

interesting.If there is absolutely nothing interesting

about any particular place, then that is a perfectly

interesting and quint-essentially un-boring place.'

Li hit the wall and bounced.We had slowed,

stopped, and reversed, so were coming back down

again.Roghres waved at Li as we passed him.

'But,' I said, 'Earth - let me get this right - Earth,

where everything's happening, is so full of

interesting things that it's boring.' I squinted at Li.

'Is that what you mean?'

'Something like that.'

'You're crazy.'

'You're boring.'

4.2:Happy Idiot Talk

I'd talked to the ship about Linter the day after I

saw him in Paris, and a few times subsequently.I

don't think I was able to offer much hope that the

man would change his mind; the ship used its

Depressed voice when we talked about him.

Of course if the ship wanted to it could have made

the whole argument academic by just kidnapping

Linter.The more I thought about it, the more certain

I became that the ship had bugs or microdrones or

something trailing the man; at the first hint that he

was thinking about staying the Arbitrary would

have made sure that it couldn't lose him, even when

he went out without his terminal.For all I knew it

watched all of us, though it protested that it didn't

when I asked it (about Linter the ship was evasive,

and there's nothing more slippery in the galaxy than

a GCU being cagey, so a straight answer was out

of the question. [*8*] But draw your own conclusions.)

Nothing would have been easier, technically, for

the ship to drug Linter, or have a drone stun him,

and bundle him into a module.I suppose it could

even have displaced him; beamed him up like in

Star Trek (which the ship thought was a great

hoot). [*9*] But I couldn't see it doing anything like that.

I have yet to meet a ship - and I don't think I'd like to meet a ship - that didn't take far more pride in its

mental abilities than its physical power, and for the

ship to kidnap Linter would be an admission that it

hadn't had the wit to out-think the man.No doubt it

would make the best possible job of justifying such

an act if it did do it, and it would certainly get

away with it - no quorum of other Contact Minds

would offer it the choice of exile or restructuring -

but boy would it lose face.GCUs can be bitchy as

hell, and the Arbitrary would be the laughing-stock of the Contact fleet for months, minimum.

'Would you even think about it?'

'I think of everything,' the ship replied tartly. 'But no, I don't think I'd do it, even as a last resort.'

A whole bunch of us had watched King Kong and

now we were sitting by the ship's pool, snacking

on kazu and sampling some French wines (all

ship-grown, but statistically more authentic than

the real thing, it assured usNo, me neither).I'd been

thinking about Linter, and asked a remote drone

what contingency plans had been made if it came to

the worst. [*10*]

'What is the last resort?'

'I don't know; trail him perhaps, watch for a

situation where the locals are about to find out he's

not one of them - in a hospital, say - then

micronuke the place.'

' What ?'

'It'd make a great Mystery Explosion story.'

'Be serious.'

'I'm being serious.What's one more meaningless act

of violence on that zoo of a planet?It would be

appropriate.When in Rome; burn it.'

'You're not really being serious, are you?'

'Sma!Of course not!Are you on something, or

what?Good grief, damn the morality of the thing: it

would just be so inelegant. What do you take me

for?Really!' The drone left.

I dangled my feet in the pool.The ship was playing

us thirties jazz, in untidied-up form; crackles and

hisses left in.It had gone on to that and Gregorian

chants after a period - when I'd been to Berlin - of

trying to make everybody listen to Stockhausen.I

wasn't sorry I'd missed that stage in the ship's

constantly altering musical taste.

Also while I'd been away, the ship had sent a

request on a postcard to the BBC's World Service,

asking for 'Mr David Bowie's Space Oddity for the

good ship Arbitrary and all who sail in her.' (This from a machine that could have swamped Earth's

entire electro-magnetic spectrum with whatever the

hell it wanted from somewhere beyond

Betelgeuse.) It didn't get the request played.The