them a lot of what they heard was new.The
Company and the U.S.A.F., along with the Army
and the Navy too, were launching a joint R D
programme on the New Technology (as they were
calling it) and had every hope that they would soon
have an unbeatable lead over the Soviets.
Personally, Cesare thought the Gifts were from
God, but he'd been dissuaded from saying so, and
the speech writers seemed to think Helpful Aliens
was the most likely explanation.Cesare didn't think
it mattered as long as they got the drop on the
Commies.
'Great speech, sir,' Fosse said afterwards.
'Thanks,' Cesare said. 'You're right.I think they all
know what's going on now.But we have to watch
the security angle on this real carefully now.Any
leaks and the Ruskies might get windy and launch a
pre-emptive.'
'Well, I guess they'll find out eventually no matter
how good our security is, sir.You know what some
of the scientists are like.'
'Hmm.And then they'll start a Third World War, the
mad dogs.'
'Yes.We'll just have to hope that we can develop
the New Technology quickly enough so that -'
'Hmm.'
Stardate: 0475 39709 G.M.T. (Galactic Mean
Time).Ref: 283746352 = 728495 /
dheyjquidhajvncjflzmxj /
27846539836574/qwertyuiop +
drmfsltd/MMM.Message begins:YOU STUPID
HALF_ASSED INCOMPETENT MORONS YOU
HAVE BEEN PUMPING THE GOODS SLAP-
BANG ONTO ONE OF THE MOST RABIDLY
SENSITIVE ROCK-BALLS IT HAS EVER BEEN
MY MISFORTUNE TO BE WITHIN A LIGHT-
YEAR OF.IF YOU COULD SEE THE MESS
DOWN HERE YOU WOULD VOMIT.I HAVE
SEEN THE MESS DOWN HERE AND I
VOMITED ALL OVER MY MATES AND THEY
DID NOT LIKE IT.CLOSE THAT (Expletive
deleted by on-board ethergraph unit)
TRANSPORTER DOWN BEFORE THIS LOT
BLOW HALF THE PLANET
AWAY.DISMANTLE THE THING OR HACK IT
TO BITS WITH AN AXE IF YOU HAVE TO
BUT STOP IT!
Yours sincerely,
7833 Matriapoll, C-U.S.3
Cesare was sitting in his Manhattan office with
Fosse, who he had liked enough to bring through to
the East Coast so that the younger man could see
how things were run at the top.
'You finished with that yet?' Cesare said.
Fosse looked up from It Pays to Increase Your
Prayer Power .'Yes, sir.'
'Hmm.' Cesare took the small magazine and slid a
copy of a pamphlet called God is a Businessman
across the desk to Fosse in exchange.
There was a knocking sound at the window.
The two men looked over in stunned surprise at a
weird figure sitting on something that looked like a
coffee table, floating in the air just outside the
window.Whoever or whatever it was, it was
holding on to the coffee table with one hand, or
paw, tapping the glass with another and with a
third was playing absent-mindedly with the end of
a bit of rope that was hanging in front of the
window.
'Jeeeeeesus.' Cesare gasped, reaching slowly for
the drawer with the alarm on the outside and the
Armalite on the inside.
The creature on the coffee table pushed lightly at
the window.It collapsed, and the being came
inside, rubbing bits of glass off its furry
spacesuit.Its face was a horrible bright red.
'First person singular obtaining colloquial orgasm
within a Caledonian sandwich,' it said, then looked
annoyed, and spoke incoherently into a grille set in
its belly, which replied.It looked up and said,
'Sorry.As I was saying:I come in peace.'
Cesare whipped out the Armalite and fired.
The bullets bounced off an invisible force-field,
and one ricochetted back to Cesare's desk, totally
destroying a very expensive executive toy.The
creature on the coffee table looked upset.
'You bastard!' it yelled, and took a large pistol of
its own from a holster and fired it at Cesare.A
cloud of green glowing gas enveloped Cesare's
face, which dropped.He let the gun drop too.
'My God,' he breathed, 'I've crapped my pants.' He
stumbled waddling away from the desk and into his
private toilet, doubled up and holding the seat of
his trousers.
The creature was looking into the muzzle of his
pistol and scratching its head with one foot. 'That's
funny,' it said, 'it's meant to make your eyes
explode.'
It floated over to Fosse, stopping at the desk to lick
appreciatively at the blue glop that had flowed,
slowly, from the smashed executive toy.
Fosse, sweating, smiled ingratiatingly and said, 'I
think we're going to get along just fine'
The MPs came for the other Air Force
general.He'd been away so long it had been
assumed he'd deserted.They dragged him out
kicking and screaming.
The professor watched phlegmatically.Ever since
the foreign minister had been informed that there'd
been a coup back home and he would be placed
under house arrest at the embassy if he left, the
professor had resigned himself to whatever
happened here.He'd even let the general who had