“Cover for me,” Eli said, hopping down. “I’m going to see if I can’t speed things up.”
Josef nodded and leaned back, undoing his cuffs and flipping his collar back to its usual flat position. Nico started handing him his belts of knives as Eli undid the harnesses on the cart horses and let them wander over toward the clumps of grass that grew between the wagon ruts.
“There,” Eli said, tossing the harness on the ground. “Either they’ll find their way home or some deserving soul gets new horses. Never let it be said that I never gave back to the people.”
“You’re a regular public servant,” Josef grumbled, belting on his swords. “What now?”
“Now,” Eli said, “we get moving.”
He crouched down beside the right front wheel and gave it a friendly pat. “Good morning,” he said cheerily.
For a few moments, nothing happened. Then, slowly, the wheel began to creak as it finally woke up. “What’s good about it?”
“Well,” Eli said, looking around, “to start, it’s a lovely dry day on a nice even road with a downward slope. Doesn’t get much better, I’d think.”
The wheel wobbled. “That’s because you’re not down here being dragged along by those cloppy-cloppy beasts, going so slowly you got moss in your joints, having mud kicked at you morning, noon, and night. No day’s a good day when you’re in the rut, I tell ya.”
“Ah,” Eli said, keeping his voice low so the other wheel wouldn’t wake up too soon and spoil the plan. “Today’s a bit different, friend. You see, the horses are gone, and I’ve got a bit of a challenge for you, if you’re interested.”
“Challenge?” The wheel perked up. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” Eli said, “you see that wheel over there?” He pointed at the left front corner of the cart. “He told me, just now, that you’re over your prime, off circle, and that he can outroll you any day of the year.”
The wheel creaked with fury. “Oh, he did, did he? Put on only last winter and already looking to replace me, eh? Well, I’m sound as any wheel you’ll find, and if he wants to try me, tell him he can go ahead. I’ll match any horse he cares to try!”
“Oh, we’re not talking horses, friend.” Eli shook his head. “This is an open challenge. The two of you in a flat-out race, no horse, just you, him, and the open road, winner take all.”
“No horses?” The wheel balked. “How’m I supposed to roll, then?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” Eli said. “You just roll forward.”
“What, you mean like downhill?”
“Or uphill,” Eli said. “Anywhere! Just roll.”
“Don’t know ’bout that,” the wheel said. “Last time I tried that I fell over. I hate falling over.”
“No worries there,” Eli said. “The cart will keep you up, and I’ll be in the seat acting as the referee and laying out the course. What do you say, want to try a race? Prove who’s the better wheel?”
“Won’t be much of a competition,” the wheel cackled. “Just give the signal and I’ll show you how a cart’s supposed to move.”
“Excellent,” Eli said, standing up. He left the wheel muttering threats at its axlemate and leaned toward Josef, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I’m just waking the front two for now. When they catch on, we’ll switch the wheels and start again with the pair in the back.”
“I have no idea what that means, but all right,” Josef said, pulling himself back into the cart. “Just don’t get the cart too excited. It’s a long trip.”
“Won’t be when I’m done,” Eli said, walking around the cart to the left wheel to start the process again.
A few minutes of excited whispering later, the whole cart began to shake. Eli leaped into the driver’s seat and grabbed hold of the bench. “Hang on,” he said, grinning at Nico and Josef. “Here we go.”
He’d barely finished speaking before the cart launched forward, rattling down the overgrown road at a breakneck pace.
Josef clung to the cart for dear life as the trees flew by and the sky danced overhead. Eli was laughing and shouting directions and encouragement to the wheels, who were spinning as though their lives depended on it as they screamed insults at each other.
“Don’t you think this is a little conspicuous?” Josef shouted over the wheels.
“Not at all!” Eli shouted back. “This is nothing compared to how some Spiritualists travel. If we’re lucky, people will think we’re Shaper wizards. No one’s stupid enough to mess with Shapers, and they ride stuff like this all the time, though their horseless carts are a lot nicer, not to mention smarter. I could never pull this stunt on Shaper goods. Ah,” he said, breathing deeply, “I love common, sleepy spirits. They’re so open to suggestion.”