Then I felt his hand float through my hair and wrap around it, tugging it down, pulling my face up to look at him once more. Then he pulled it to the side, causing my neck to bend, exposing the delicate skin. He ran his nose up and down the curve created for him, smelling and tasting me, before he landed his lips right in the juncture of my neck and shoulder, the sensitive spot that made my toes curl.
"We aren't going to have sex tonight," he said against my neck making me shiver. "I'm going to take you into the bedroom, lay you down, and show you how much I love you. How much I've always loved you. And tomorrow, when we wake up, it will be something new. A beginning. You'll never have to get over me again, because I'm not going anywhere."
I made the decision at that moment, with his mouth against my skin and his hands in my hair, to trust him and to trust myself to make the best decision.
"Show me," was all I said and he had me lifted into his arms instantly. As he carried me out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, his mouth found mine again and his previously sweet and soft kisses had a more urgent feeling now. Thirteen years of built-up tension and longing made everything intensify. He laid me down on the bed and climbed over me. His nearness was overwhelming. I reached up to unbutton his shirt and the feeling of his warm skin beneath the fabric nearly burned me. When his mouth found the spot beneath my ear that he used to be so familiar with, it sent shockwaves through my system.
I reached up and slid his shirt over his shoulders and down his arms, feeling the tight muscles along the way. In college he was always in such good shape from basketball and summers on his grandfather's farm, and although his frame was still sturdy and strong, he was more masculine than I ever remembered him being. He'd grown up and I realized I laid with a man. This would be different and for that I was glad. I didn't want a reminder of what we used to be, I wanted to move forward.
His mouth moved down from my neck and over my collarbone. He splayed light kisses everywhere his mouth went while his hands roamed over my heated skin.
"You feel so good, Bit."
I smiled at his words, at his nickname for me. It was the first time I'd heard it and not felt my heart clench in pain.
"I agree. I feel pretty damn good." I felt him chuckle against the soft tissue of my breast, but then gasped as his mouth closed around my nipple, sucking fiercely, his tongue alternatively flicking and licking. His other hand moved to my empty breast and gave the other nipple a gentle yet firm tug. My hands found their way to his hair and threaded through his locks, gripping slightly. Each tug and suck of my breasts ignited a fury of flames between my legs and I found myself grinding my hips up towards him, looking for contact.
His mouth moved down, skimming over the skin of my stomach, stopping to tease my navel. I felt his hands lightly trail down my sides, stopping at my waist and holding on. He lifted his head and I saw him move over to my ribcage that bared his name.
"I like seeing my name on you," he said as he placed one small kiss over it.
"I liked having it. In a small way it was like you were always with me." I continued to push my fingers through his dark hair, the feeling of it almost hypnotizing.
"I never left you, Bit. I promise. I never moved on and I never wanted anyone else. It's always just been you."
"I know," I replied softly. His hands moved down to my panties, the only article of clothing I had left. His fingers eased themselves inside the top and he looked at me with raised eyebrows, asking for permission. I gave him a nod and a smile – all the go-ahead he needed. I lifted my hips as he pulled them down. Once I was bare, I watched his eyes glide over me, stopping to focus on my core. His hands ran up and down my thighs and I inhaled sharply as he gently pushed my knees apart, spreading me open for him. He must have sensed my nervousness because he leaned forward and pressed a small kiss just above my mound, his hands wrapping around my hips to grip my ass, pulling me closer to him.
"It's just me. Just you and me here. I've missed you and I want to love all of you. Relax for me."
I sighed and willed myself to breath in and out, hoping my nerves would calm. I wanted this and I wanted him, but I was afraid of feeling so much after so long being numb. I felt his fingers gingerly glide over my wetness, teasing me, letting me acclimate to being touched by him again.
"Every part of you is so beautiful," his whispered into the curls above my core. His words distracted me from the fact that his thumbs were gently spreading me open. I gasped when I felt his mouth near me, blowing warm air over my sensitive flesh. When his tongue dipped inside I stifled a groan and my back arched off the bed. "You're gonna have to hold still for me, Baby." I felt his hands grip my hips and press down, his attempt at restraining me, as he continued his assault. His tongue lapped at my opening, dove in, and swirled around. I felt every movement deep inside of me, rocking me back and forth.
My hands came up to my forehead out of glory and frustration. Everything felt so amazing, but I needed more.
"Oh God, Asher. Please … " I begged. For what? I wasn't sure.
"Trust me," Asher replied. Wasn't that clever? The last thirteen years of my life had been torturous because I had been afraid to trust him, afraid to believe that perhaps, in the end, I should give him the benefit of the doubt. And now, here we were, in the most intimate situation I could imagine, and he asked for my trust. He asked me let go and let him lead me, to abandon the thoughts and life I had gripped on to so tightly for all these years, and to give him the control. It might have been a pinnacle moment in my life and it might have been a bigger deal to some others, but in this particular fragment of time, it was clear and simple.
"I trust you," I whispered, not even sure he heard me. Whether or not he heard me wasn't important. The important part was that I decided to let myself forgive. I forgave him for making a mistake when he was younger and I forgave myself for accepting the blame for something that wasn't my fault. I felt myself relax at my realization. The tension I always carried with me, the constant tightness in my shoulders, as if I was a rubber band waiting to snap, moved away and was replaced by a new, delicious tension in between my legs.
Asher felt the difference and took advantage. His mouth moved up as he found my clit, sucking and gently nibbling on it, while he pushed two fingers into me, causing me to cry out.
"Fuck, yes," I moaned.
His tongue moved against my clit quicker and his fingers found their rhythm against the bundle of nerves hiding inside me. I breathed hard, in and out, trying to relax and let myself feel the release I missed for so long.
"Bit," he moaned against me.
"Asher, don't you fucking stop," I wailed.
"Come for me."
I heard his words and it felt like someone had pushed me off of a bridge. My stomach dropped, my heart stopped, and my entire body convulsed around him. Tiny volts of electricity shot through my limbs. My legs tingled and my toes curled. My back arched off the bed, trying to milk every last piece of feeling from the most cosmically awesome orgasm I ever had. And Asher, bless him, had continued to kiss my core throughout the entire experience.
After I came all the way down from the highest of highs, he moved up my body again. I instantly grabbed his face and pulled him towards mine. He was a breath away from me, breathing hard, and I leaned forward the last inch to connect our mouths. I tasted myself on him and I loved it. I loved what he did to me, how he made me feel, and this kiss was an extension of that. I rolled us over and straddled his lap, still kissing his lips while I worked on unbuttoning his jeans.
His hands ran up my back, hooking over my shoulders, then running back down to cup my ass.
"Is it possible that you're smaller than before?" He asked, then kissed my neck.
"Mmm … I haven't eaten much in the last thirteen years." I felt him push my hair over my shoulder and then cup my cheek, bringing my face back to look at him.
"That stops now, Bit. You've got to take care of your body. No more punishing yourself."
I nodded at his words, then pressed a kiss against his lips. Next, I moved down his body and pulled at his jeans, working hard to get them over his massive body. He had to help push them over his hips and we both laughed at how clumsy we suddenly became. Once he was naked, I took just a moment to admire him. He looked exactly as I remembered him, but somehow manlier. He was older – more powerful. I climbed back up to him, straddling his waist, bringing my face level with his, my long dark hair falling on either side of my face creating a curtain around us. His hands came up and tried pushing it behind my ears, but eventually gave up, as it proved to be a pointless task, the hair just falling back to cocoon us in a veil of darkness. He smiled dreamily up at me, his thumbs lovingly floating across the skin of my cheeks, his large fingers threaded in the hair at the nape of my neck.