"Why?" He said. I could feel him come up behind me, close enough to feel the heat from his chest cradle my back. I felt a tingle on my scalp and knew he was running his fingers through the ends of my hair hanging at my waist. I closed my eyes, guiltily allowing myself to feel my heartbeat race, my pulse quicken at his touch. Over the last few days, I found it more and more difficult to keep my distance, to not let my eyes wander over him, to long for him. I was in dangerous territory and I knew I could just turn around and he'd welcome me into his arms, welcome me home. But I couldn't. Don't forget, Charlie. Don't let yourself forget that girl on top of him, his arm around her.
"What do you want from me?" I whispered. I gasped when I felt one of his hands graze my waist and land on my hip, his whole body shifting closer to me, his breath floating past my ear.
"I just want you to be happy."
It took all my willpower, but I stepped to the side, out of his grasp and moved to the sink. I washed my hands simply to give myself something to do, something to focus on while I gathered together all the pieces of my soul I felt crumbling around me. Happiness? I gave up on happiness a long time ago. I'd settle for content. In fact, I aimed for content. I didn't need to be fulfilled. I didn't need to find joy. I simply needed to exist, to make it from one day to the next, with as little pain as possible. And when Asher touched me it hurt.
"I am happy, Asher." Lies. "And as soon as we can all get back to our normal lives, the better off we'll both be." I tried to sound convincing, I hoped he was taking my words in and listening to me. A few moments passed and then he spoke as if the words he'd just spoken to me never occurred. It was exactly what I wanted, but it killed me a little inside.
"So, you're planning on leaving the day after tomorrow then? Saturday?"
"Yeah," I said, staring out the kitchen window, still not ready to turn around and face him. "I think I should be done with the house by tomorrow and I have to get back to New York."
"Reeve and I were talking and thought it would be fun for all three of us to go out tomorrow night. You know, like a farewell celebration. Who knows when the three of us will be together again?"
Never. We'd never be together again because I never planned on coming back here. I thought about spending an evening with Reeve and Asher. A night out. A distraction. I knew that if I didn't go, one or both of them would just be at my house anyway.
"Sounds good," I said as I turned and gave him a smile.
He smiled back, the dimple in his left cheek winking at me, tugging at something buried deep inside. "Great. I can pick you up around seven. Is that ok?"
I shrugged. "Sure."
Asher left an hour or so later, pulling me in for a hug on his way out. Again, I felt him gently finger through my hair, wrapping it around his palm, gliding his hand down to the ends. I didn't stop him. I let him do it, wanted him to, really. The more times he reached out to touch me the more comfortable it became, the more I longed for it. He stepped away and left, and I breathed a little easier.
Later in the evening Reeve called.
"I'm so excited to go out tomorrow. You have no idea how long it's been since I was anywhere that didn't allow children along. Adult time sounds fantastic."
"Is Riley coming?"
"No, he's going to stay home with the kids," she said, sounding a little forlorn.
"You can't find another sitter? It would be nice if the two of you could go out together."
"I wish we could both come, but his parents are out of town and both my parents have some sort of flu bug. We've never left the kids with anyone else. It's ok," she said, sounding firm all of a sudden. "I will come over early and get us all pretty and ready for a night out."
"I think we're just going out for drinks," I stated with a small laugh. "I don't think we need to put too much effort into this."
"Charlie, I will not allow you to put a damper on my one night out in months. I want to look pretty, even if it's just for a couple of hours and you will humor me."
"You're the boss," I replied.
"And don't you forget it," she said with a laugh.
Chapter Thirteen
Charlie
Reeve showed up with an arsenal of beauty supplies.
"Are we having a fashion show in my living room?" There were at least fifteen dresses, and three suitcase-looking contraptions that I was told held her make-up.
"I know you've managed to hold on to your youthful face," she said as she playfully patted my cheek. "But I've been through two pregnancies, three years of sleepless nights, and more gallons of ice cream than I can count. I need all the help I can get."
I had to laugh at her. And even though she didn't look like the nineteen-year-old Reeve I left behind at college, she looked grown-up and happy. Perhaps she didn't realize how much I'd trade wrinkles and dark circles under my eyes for the kind of happiness she exuded.
"I'm ready to be covered up, dressed up, and shown off," I said as I put my arms out to the sides. I would give her complete control, only because I knew it would make her happy.
"Perfect," she said slowly as she pressed her palms together in front of her face and tapped her fingertips together, reminding me of an evil mastermind.
Two hours later, we looked good. Reeve was in a sexy black dress that accentuated her new cleavage that I was informed came from breastfeeding her son who "loves boobs more than his father," which made me laugh uncontrollably.
Reeve put me in a flirty purple dress that flowed around my thighs with every step I took. It has a sweetheart neckline, empire waist and black straps that crisscrossed below my breasts and then came up over my shoulders as spaghetti straps. It was shorter than the dresses I normally wore, but it wasn't indecent. Reeve curled my hair into large ringlets, but it was a lost cause because the curls wouldn't hold and had transformed into very loose waves instead. It was still very pretty and I liked it because it was different than the way I usually styled it.
"I really miss this," Reeve said, a touch of sadness in her voice. She was behind me spraying something in my hair to make sure it behaved throughout the evening.
"Miss what?" I asked as I looked into her eyes in the mirror.
"I miss having you around. I miss having my best friend."
My gut churned at her words. Part of me missed her too. Part of me wished I could move back and work towards a normal life. The idea of being healed enough to live in Willow Falls and not be tortured every day by memories and thoughts of what could have been was too good to be true. Being here was nothing but a reminder of everything I lost. So the other part of me, the part that sided with self-preservation, wasn't about to put myself through that.
"I miss you too, Reeve. You should come to New York and visit sometime." That was an empty notion. I knew Reeve wasn't in a position with two small children to just jump on a plane for a frivolous weekend, no matter how desperately I wished she could. She just gave me a slight smile and moved on.
"We definitely look awesome," she said. "Will you take a picture of me so I can send it to Riley? He hasn't seen me in a dress in ages." She walked to her purse and pulled out her phone. Her face became tense when she unlocked her screen and just before I could ask what was wrong the doorbell rang. Asher.
"I'll go grab that."
When I opened the door, I could not ignore the fact that Asher's eyes immediately began to roam up and down my body. His gaze heated my skin and I felt an arousal spread through me I hadn't experienced in a very long time. He looked amazing and I let my eyes wander just as his were.
He wore dark jeans with a gray button-up shirt. His sleeve were unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows. He reached up and swiped his hand through his hair and I saw my name branded on his arm. I hadn't seen that tattoo since I walked in on him and seeing it again instantly cooled the burning that had, just moments ago, flamed through me.
"Charlie," he said softly, his voice catching in his throat. "You're beautiful."
My heart ached a little hearing him utter those words. His voice was full of sorrow, and I understood the feeling. Seeing something you wanted so badly but couldn't have. What were we doing? Why had we insisted on torturing ourselves like this? I shook my head, trying to push the unwanted feelings away.