"You better," he said with his wonderful smile, and I knew he would be ok. We both heard the honking from the driveway and I knew Reeve arrived to drive us away from the town we had done most of our growing up in. "I can't believe I let you and Reeve talk me into letting you take yourselves to college. I'm supposed to go with you, move you in to your dorm, say goodbye."
"We don't need a sappy goodbye, Dad. I don't want that. Just give me a hug and tell me you'll miss me." I smiled at him, trying to ease the situation that was turning out to be more painful than I anticipated. He came up to me and wrapped his giant, warm, papa-bear arms around me. I snuggled into his broad chest and breathed in his scent.
"I'm going to miss you," he whispered into my hair. I felt the familiar pinch in my throat as I tried to keep from crying. "Don't be too crazy, but have fun. Make sure you don't walk home alone after dark and remember that you can always call me." I smiled at his sentiment, worried about me always.
"I love you, Daddy," I said into his chest.
"I love you too, Charlie Bear." I felt him kiss the top of my head then pull away and quickly turn from me to pick up my bags. I suspected he was also trying to hide his face from me, afraid to show me how much it hurt saying goodbye. I didn't need to see his face to know his pain, because I was feeling it too. I turned to the door and pulled it open to see Reeve sitting in her open driver's side window, half hanging out of her car.
"Are you ready to party, Charlie?!" She yelled from where her car sat on the street. My dad stepped out behind me and a panicked look crossed her face. "I mean, uh, are you ready to study so hard we have no energy to even think about parties?" She said with a smile, halfway trying to cover what she said, but understood that it was a lost cause.
"Reeve, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, and then I'm going to tell you what I told Charlie. Be careful. College is going to be exciting and fun, but you have to be smart too. And you can always call me if you need something."
"Thanks, Papa Bear," she said sweetly, sliding back down into her seat. Reeve was the only other person on the planet that called my dad Papa Bear and she's the only one I would allow it from. Reeve had both of her parents, but that didn't stop my dad from treating her like one of his own, and I loved him even more for it.
He loaded all my bags into the trunk of Reeve's SUV and then pulled me into another hug, though this one was shorter and more playful.
"When is Asher getting there again?"
"He left yesterday. He'll be there to help us move in."
"Good. Make sure he watches out for you."
"Like I have to even ask him," I said rolling my eyes.
"I know. I know," he said and then paused. "I'm proud of you, Charlie. Have fun. And call your father."
"I will, Dad. I love you."
"I love you too."
The three-hour drive flew by, as any road trip with Reeve tended to do. She either talked a million miles per hour, or sang along to some pop song, and I was usually observing. It was dangerous to try and interrupt her long rambling monologues. I've been steamrolled many times in the past. So I usually just listened and nodded, giving her the occasional "uh huh," when the time called for it. She was in her element when she had someone who had no choice but to give her their undivided attention. I didn't mind. She was my best friend. As much as she spoke, she listened when I needed her to. And she understood me more than I was willing to think about or examine.
When we finally pulled up to the university, I couldn't believe the amount of cars that were all trying to fit down the exact same street that we were headed. My first instinct was to regret not having my dad come with us. This was stressful and I wished he was there to lead the way so that I could just follow behind. I took a deep breath and readied myself. This was life now. I was an adult. It was time to start taking charge. I missed my dad.
All the apprehension I felt seemed to float away at the sight of Asher on the side of the road. He was up the street a bit, standing on the side of the road, between two orange construction cones. I watched from our car, crawling along at a snail's pace, as a few cars tried to park between the cones. He waved them away with a smile that clearly said, "Move along". He even used his hand to wave one or two away. When he spotted Reeve's SUV, he stepped a little farther into the street and started waving at us. My smile grew even bigger.
"Wipe the grin off your face Charlie; it's making me gag."
"Come on, that's totally sweet," I said as I motioned towards him with my hands.
"Barf," she responded. I knew she was kidding. She loved Asher almost just as much as I did. And even though she wouldn't admit it, his devotion to me, at the moment, was benefiting her just as much as it was me.
Once we finally made it to the reserved parking spot, Reeve expertly slid her SUV into the space, executing a perfect parallel parking job. I swung my door open and was met by Asher and his heart-stopping grin.
"Hey, Bit," he said. I beamed at his nickname for me. He came up to me and I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands slid around my waist. "Like your personal parking spot?"
"Hmmm. How did you manage to pull it off? Why didn't anyone from the university make you leave?"
"I can be persuasive when I need to be," he said, smiling even bigger. I knew then that whoever had tried to get him to leave was female and he'd been able to charm them into looking past his irritatingly cute behavior.
"Lucky me," I said and tipped up to kiss his lips. He came down to me, because even if I stood on the very tip of my toes I would never be able to reach his mouth, the height difference between us was at least a foot. I thought back to a day when we were the same height, fond memories of our childhood. Memories that were brushed away by the sweetness of his kiss.
When he pulled away, he pointed towards a table set up with official people sitting behind it.
"You get your keys at that table over there. I will grab your bags."
Reeve and I headed towards the table and stood in line with other students who were flanked by their parents. Did I rob my dad of some rite of passage by coming alone? I felt a twinge of guilt looking at all the parents helping their children get their keys. I also saw the tears forming in their mother's eyes, and their dads patting their sons on the back, trying to avoid an over-emotional goodbye. I asked my dad not to come, in part, because I didn't want a sad goodbye. But I also didn't want him here to witness all the men who still had their wives. Times like these only served as reminders that my mother was no longer alive. He didn't need that - not today.
"Perfect!" Reeve exclaimed as we made our way to the dorm room we'd been assigned. "Our room is right next to the bathroom!"
"Ugh," I remarked. "Our room is right next to the bathroom."
"What's wrong with that? It's great. We won't have to walk down a long hall dripping wet and hiding in a towel. We can just run into our room." As if he had been summoned by her words, a guy came out of the bathroom wearing only a towel with beaded water still hanging on his chest. He gave us a brief look and then threw a wink our way.
"Uh, why is there a half-naked guy on your floor?" I shrugged my shoulders at Asher as he moved past me to put my bags on my bed.
"I'm sure he lives on this floor. He went into one of those rooms down there," I said as I motioned down the hallway. I saw his shoulders stiffen and watched as he slowly turned towards me.
"This is a co-ed floor?" I shrugged again, not wanting to say anything that would make him upset. "No shrugging, Bit. Words."
"I thought I mentioned the dorm was co-ed."
"Right. You said the dorm was co-ed, not the floor." He ran his hands through his dark hair. He took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. I saw some of the tension leave his body, but he was still wound tightly. I crossed the room to him and noticed Reeve slipping out of the room to give us a moment.
"Ash, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't think to distinguish between the two. I wasn't trying to keep anything from you." I stood right next to him and I put my hand out to touch his arm. At our contact he turned towards me and I felt his hands come up to cradle my face.
"Why will you let total strangers live with you, but not me?"
My breath came out quickly, letting on that I was annoyed by his question. It was a discussion we'd had all summer long. Asher desperately wanted to share a dorm room, to live together our freshman year of college. I desperately wanted to have a normal college experience and share a dorm room with my best friend. Somehow, for some reason, he took this as rejection and it made him upset. Every time he brought it up, we argued. He eventually dropped the subject, but I always felt it was more because he was tired of talking about it rather than him being secure in our separation.