The Sons of Isaac(105)

While the men and boys were setting up the tents, Jacob walked off by himself. He wanted to ponder all that had happened to him so long ago. It was here he had stopped for the night as he fled from home, and it was here that he had seen the steps with the angels ascending and descending. Most important, it was in this place Elohim, God of his father and of his grandfather, had given him encouragement and a promise of protection. Then he had not imagined it would be so many years before he would return.

Now he could see the hillside was barren and windswept. If one looked to the east, it was almost possible to see the deep depression of the Jordan and to the west vineyards and olive trees clinging to their terraced plots. The open area where he had stopped was still covered with stones. Some were outcroppings from the ground, but others lay scattered aimlessly about. It would be easy to build an altar. He remembered the stone he had used as a pillow and how he had set it upright and anointed it with olive oil. To his surprise the stone was still there, only it had been tipped on its side as though it was used for some shepherd’s seat.

“We’ll build the altar here,” he said to himself. “We’ll offer sacrifices unto our God and seek forgiveness for all the wrong we have done. We have cast out the false gods and have put on clean clothes; now we must cleanse our minds and our hearts so we can be worthy of the blessing.”

Everything worked out as he had planned. The altar was built and the sacrifices made. He could tell by the expressions on their faces that each one had entered into the spirit of the occasion. He was pleased to see that Simeon and Levi were especially moved by the whole experience. He felt greatly encouraged. In fact, as his sons gathered around him, he reached out to them with tears in his eyes and said, “You are indeed becoming the sons of blessing and promise.”

At that moment he felt that each one had been cleansed of the evil impulse that had so often controlled them in the past. Now he hoped they could move on to see his father, Isaac, with no dark secrets.

Only one thing bothered him. He was not sure that he still merited the new name given him by the secret wrestler at the Jabbok. He did not feel that he deserved to be called “God’s Prince.” Maybe, after all, he was still Jacob, the manipulator, the grabber.

Since Rachel was having more difficulty, he found that reason enough to stay right where they were for a while. They were in no hurry. He remembered that when he had been instructed to return to Bethel, he had also been told to settle there. This suited him well for the present. His sons found plenty of game in the thickets of the Jordan, and their herds grazed freely along the barren hillsides.

He knew at some time he would have to go see his father and settle things with Esau. There were many things he didn’t know and didn’t understand. It seemed best if, for the present, he camped right where he was.

Often he would go out in the evening and look down the road that led past the small towns on the way to Kirjath-arba where his father was living. It wasn’t far, for he knew the road went straight as a hawk might fly. He could picture himself going down the road and coming to his father’s tent, but there the whole dream came to an end. What did his father think of him now? Would his father only remember him as Jacob the cheater, the manipulator? For a brief time after his experience at the Jabbok, he had felt that the old Jacob no longer existed. He was a new creature; he was Israel. But after Shechem he was no longer so sure.

On this special night he walked out from the camp alone and sat under an olive tree. He felt exhausted with the struggle to deem himself worthy of meeting his father. The problem had been ticking relentlessly at the back of his mind ever since he had decided to leave Haran. He had gone over and over every bit of the deception he had engaged in. He cringed remembering his blind father’s questioning and finally accepting that he was indeed Esau.

Then he also had to think of how he had cheated his brother. He had felt so justified at the time. There had been his mother’s assurance that she had heard it from Elohim. That made it seem right. Now he must also face the crushing news that his mother was no longer alive. He must go home and face his father and his brother without his mother’s support.

In the end he came to the conclusion that if he could be sure it was Elohim that had chosen him for the birthright and the blessing, then he would be free of this torment. Since living in Haran, he had become acutely aware of the Laban-like craftiness in his own nature. His father, Isaac, and even his brother, Esau, had never resorted to such underhanded deceptions. Since he had seen himself in this light, he could not believe that he could possibly be chosen by the God of his father for the blessing.