He recoiled as though I'd hit him, shoulders slumping. "You're right, I'm sorry. But you have to understand, this is your life. You're used to it. I'm not. I was a free man. I had family and a career and someone I loved-" He broke off, making a little choking sound.
"What happened to him?" I asked softly.
Kai shook his head. "It doesn't matter. He died."
"I have a family," I said. "This is my family: my master, the other slaves. And I have someone I love … ." I knelt beside him on the mattress. "I know how it hurts when they don't love you back."
"So why does he keep you?" In the darkness, his emerald eyes looked liquid and black.
"Because I please him. He doesn't need to love me for that." I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
"Does... does he please you?"
"Sometimes." That time, I know I sounded bitter.
"Is that what he expects me to do?"
"Yes." There was no use sugarcoating it.
"I won't do it!" he declared fiercely. "He can't force me!"
"Yes, he can. But he won't, not if you perform your other duties well. He's given me some time."
"Time for what?"
"To train you."
It's a good thing Master never encouraged my ego, because the look of horror on Kai's face at that admission would have thoroughly destroyed it.
"He wants you to teach me? To get me ready for him?"
I nodded.
"You'd have sex with me because he ordered it?"
I frowned a little at that, unable to read his expression and understand his inscrutable tone. "It is what he wants."
"And what about what you want?"
"I have no wants. I'm a slave, remember?" My voice dripped scorn.
"Except him. You want him."
I didn't bother dignifying that with an answer. We sat in silence, side-by-side on his low mattress. He'd kicked the bits of furniture-the little stool, the shattered remnants of his wash pot-into a corner. The bars on the window glowed dully in the light reflected from the planetary rings, shimmering like silver bands across the dark sky.
"Why is your hair so long?"
His question startled me, jolting me from an almost trancelike state of reverie. "Master likes it. He forbids me to cut it."
"He even controls how you wear your hair?" His face pulled into a scowl.
I glanced at his neat military cut and smiled. "You mean you'd have been allowed to grow yours?"
"My … oh." He coloured as he saw the parallel. "That's different."
"How?"
"I chose to join the army."
"Then you were lucky. Most don't get that choice. How is that any different from being a slave?"
"At least they pay us."
"Master provides me with everything I need. I have no use for money."
Kai gestured at his sparse room. "You call this having everything you need? He lives in the lap of luxury and keeps us no better than animals, and you're content?"
"I have a beautiful room," I answered. "I have a sumptuous bed, soft furnishings, books and trinkets he's bought me, and free run of the house. If he feels you can be trusted, there is no reason he won't be equally generous with you."
We looked at the ruined remains of the little Kai had been given.
"In the morning, he expects you to serve with me," I said, rising. "I will fetch you. Armed guards patrol this compound, so there will be no use you running away. They won't kill you-you're too valuable for that-but they will make you wish you were dead. It would be better to begin by showing you are willing to learn."
"And what if I'm not willing?" he asked as I reached the door.
I looked back at him sadly. "Then you will be punished. And if you still won't learn, you will be sold."
CHAPTER FOUR
Despite my sumptuous bed and soft furnishings, I did not sleep well. I woke with something more insistent than my usual morning erection and could do nothing other than dip a flannel in the cold water of my basin and place it on my penis to cool my ardour. It shrivelled pitifully.
Kai accepted his loincloth uniform with ill grace, and refused point-blank to surrender the robe I had given him at the slavemarket. Only the memory of the thin, keening wail that had intruded on my already disturbed sleep prevented me from arguing the matter. Kai had passed a worse night than me.
I led him through the corridors to the dining hall to await our master. His eyes flickered at every window and door we passed, the thought of escape clearly weighing on his mind. I said nothing. I had already warned him what would happen should he attempt it, and the sight of the guards through the windows confirmed I'd spoken the truth.
We were early enough that I had time to explain to him how Master dined and how he was expected to perform. Breakfast was a simple meal in our household: Master ate only a light porridge, and our presence was more ceremonial than functional. There was also a complete absence of knives or other weapons to tempt Kai into doing something foolish.
I made him present in place at the foot of the table and spent a few moments critically assessing his pose, making small alterations. He surprised me a little by admitting the posture was almost identical to that his army had drilled into him, surprised not by the similarity but by him acknowledging it. Perhaps, as Master had suggested, he would take to this easier than I'd first thought.
Master arrived punctually as the eighth hour struck and took his place at the head of the table. Kai sucked in a breath, and I smiled a little to myself. Already handsome-in my eyes at least, heartbreakingly so-Master had made a particular effort with his appearance that morning. His dark hair was brushed and curled neatly around his ears; his face was closely shaven, and the brilliant blue robes he wore emphasised his broad shoulders, the slashed neck displaying the first swell of his strong chest. Whatever ogre Kai had been expecting, it was not this.
He ate in silence, not looking at us, the sound of his spoon scraping against the sides of the bowl filling the room. Kai remained transfixed beside me, as still as a statue, and I found myself feeling proud of him. This was only his first day, and for a man accustomed to his freedom, it was a lot to take in.
Suddenly I felt guilty for being so short with him the night before. My first night, I remembered, I had howled inconsolably, scared and alone in a strange room, on my own for the first time in my life. Nothing had appeased me, neither threats nor fussing from the other slaves, not my mistress's sharp words-not even the stinging slap she gave me when I failed to heed her orders. I'd bellowed with all the selfish inconsideration and boundless energy of a wronged child who didn't understand where he was,or what was happening to him, or why.
I'd only stopped when Master entered my room, picked me up, and carried me to his bed. Nestled against his strong chest, swaddled in his blankets, I felt secure in a way I hadn't since I had last been safe with my family. My cries died down to a soft snuffling and eventually, despite the bitter remonstrations of Mistress in the background, I fell asleep.
He finished his meal and placed his spoon neatly in the bowl, the handle at right angles to his body. He rested his elbows on the tabletop and smiled at us both over the tips of steepled fingers. "Your papers say your name is Kai," he addressed my companion. "Is that your real name?"
Kai nodded. "It is."
Master's eyebrow rose. "It is, what?"
I winced at his mistake.
Kai squared his jaw, and I realised in an instant the omission had been no mistake at all.
"You were in the army?" Master didn't wait for an answer. "You addressed senior officers by rank, did you not? Whether you liked and respected them or not, you gave them the courtesy of their title. In this house I am master, and you will do me the courtesy of calling me Master. In return I will house, feed, and clothe you, have you treated when you fall sick, and do you the courtesy of calling you by your chosen name. That seems to me a fair exchange. Now, is your name Kai?"
There was the briefest of hesitations before he answered. "It is … Master."
Master nodded. "That's better. Is Kai what you wish to be called?"
"What other name would I have? Master." The last was tagged hastily onto the end of an utterance I considered borderline impertinent.
Master merely smiled. "This is your chance to reinvent yourself. Forge a new identity to distance your old life from this one. Some slaves find it helps them to transition."
I could tell Kai was taken aback by Master's proposition, and I think he gave it a few moments' serious thought. Certainly he sounded less defensive and more genuine when he responded. "Thank you-truly-but I would prefer to remain Kai. It is the name my mother gave me, the name I've always known, and changing it will not change who I am, Master."