"Why do you even want me?" I asked at last, blurting the words before I lost my nerve.
"Tam, how could you say that?" He seemed aghast.
"But what use am I?" I persisted. "Why did you teach me to read and write, why bother wasting your time? What possible use is that to you?"
Master frowned and tutted, holding me back so I was forced to look him in the eye.
"I care about you, Tam. I thought you understood that. Necessity dictates I leave you for long stretches during the day, and what would you do if you couldn't at least read for entertainment? I wish I could spend more time with you but that's not possible right now, and I don't want you bored when I'm not here."
"Is that all?" I asked tentatively. "You don't want me to be bored?"
I should have been grateful he'd considered me at all, and none of the other house slaves had received so much thoughtful attention, but I couldn't help the rising tide of disappointment I felt at his words.
Master sighed. "Tam, what is it you want me to say?"
I bit my lip. I want you to say you love me! my soul screamed. I wanted him to think of me as more than a slave, more than a restless beast to keep tame between the times he put me down and picked me up again. I wanted to be his equal, if only in that one small way. I wanted us to talk together as men, to trade information and ideas, to be useful to one another for more than just sex. Before Kai's arrival, I had fooled myself that was what we had.
Suddenly I couldn't get out of his chamber fast enough. I scrambled off his lap and was already on my feet when he grabbed my wrist to prevent me escaping.
"Where are you going?" he demanded roughly, squeezing my wrist tight enough to leave bruises.
"I, I...."
"You'll speak to me, Tam, if I have to spank it out of you. What's wrong?"
I flushed crimson, mortified by the prospect of being spanked. Master hadn't done that since I was a child.
"I wish I meant something to you," I admitted in a whisper.
"What?" He released me and recoiled, looking visibly startled. "What would possibly make you think you don't?"
"Something more," I said.
"More? Tam, no, you know we can't-"
"I know," I said bitterly. What did I expect him to do, fall in love with me? The idea was absurd.
"Tammy, come here."
He urged me back onto his lap and enfolded me in his arms. I curled up, my head tucked on his shoulder, and let him pet my long hair. If a tear trickled out as I closed my eyes, he would never know.
"I want the best for you, Tam. I always have. Even as a child you were bright. Too smart for your own good." He chuckled softly. "I had to do something. I thought educating you would help, even though I was counselled against it. ‘An educated slave is never content,' that's what the old proverb says. I thought I knew better. I thought if you could learn, you'd be happier. Or would you rather I kept you as a dumb beast incapable of thinking for himself?"
I shook my head vigorously.
"No." I heard the smile in his warm, rich voice. "I wish I could do more, Tam. Shall I buy more books? Would you like that?"
"For what purpose, Master?" I asked, raising my head to look at him.
"Why do I need a purpose?" he countered. "Is your enjoyment not purpose enough?"
"But what would I do with what I learnt?"
"You could teach me."
I began to scoff, before remembering my position and schooling my features, but not before he had seen and understood me completely.
"You think you can't teach me? Or you think I don't want to learn?"
I ran a hand through the soft waves of his black hair, and he allowed me the distraction.
"Tam...."
The soft sigh which escaped him gave me confidence to be bolder and I nuzzled his face and neck, relishing the rough scratch of his day-old stubble. It had been too long since we were alone, just me and him, and I had started to come adrift, lost in a sea of emotion.
"Tam, you haven't... haven't... answered my question."
I sucked the fleshy lobe of his ear into my mouth and grazed its downy surface with my teeth. A full-body shudder rippled though him and into me as I insinuated my tongue into his ear.
"I think you already taught me everything I need to know," I answered in a husky whisper.
"You're a wanton," he groaned as I flexed against him.
"I've missed you," I countered, grinding in his lap.
"You haven't.... With Kai?"
I scowled and kissed him, as hard and insistent as I'd ever been before, and was rewarded when Master returned the kiss, holding me as tightly as I clung to him. In that moment he became my whole world; his pleasure my sole purpose. He could push Kai and I as close as he liked, he could never make Kai his replacement in my affections, and he could never take away the strange pride I felt at only having had him as a lover. At least I was his, even if he could never be mine.
A deft twist of the knot securing my loincloth, and I was naked, straddled across his lap, my hard length ground between our heaving bellies as we kissed and kissed. Trusting him to support me, I reached behind myself to where his dick was sliding between the cheeks of my arse, tempting me through the loose folds of his trousers. He thrust into the narrow cavity created by my hand and backside, and I moaned into his mouth, needing him to fulfil his body's promise to mine.
Locating the vial of oil he kept in his desk drawer, I unstoppered the cork, but he caught me before I could apply the slick, viscous liquid.
"Not here," he gasped, struggling to compose himself as I continued frotting against him. "The bed, get on the bed."
Pleasantly surprised, I lost no time complying, the stinging slap he gave my arse as I dismounted only spiking my lust still higher. Even so, I took a moment to fetch a fluffy white towel from beside his washstand, pulled back the thick comforter, and spread it across his pristine sheets before lying down, my head nestled in his pillows and my hair fanned out around me.
Master disrobed and I watched the unveiling of his body with greedy abandon, anticipation setting my blood on fire. I thrilled at the movement of muscles in his shoulders, the flex of his arms as he shrugged his turquoise robe free to puddle at his feet, the flexibility of his broad, blunt fingers as he pushed the waistband of his cotton trousers down his thick thighs, which were lightly dusted with dark fur. He was everything I was not, a great bear of a man, and yet I never felt scared in his presence, never feared he would use all that bulk and strength against me. If anything, I felt the opposite: that he would protect me, he would keep me safe. Maybe that's why, as a terrified boy who'd had his life brutally torn apart, I'd clung so hard to him to begin with.
He advanced to the foot of the bed, his gaze burning into me as I followed the slow, cat-like movements of his powerful body. His cock was hard, swaying gently between his legs with every step, his balls heavy and low in their sac, nudged left and right by his thighs. I swallowed.
The bed dipped as Master knelt at the foot and proceeded on all fours up between my legs, cementing the predatory illusion. His hair obscured his face, showing me only flashes of pink tongue, white teeth, and the glint of inky eyes. He spread my thighs with palms bigger than my kneecaps, and I parted for him, my breath catching in a strangled gasp as he nipped the soft flesh of my inner thigh, the graze of his stubble rasping against my delicate skin. He licked the bite mark and a whimper escaped me, my dick lurching off my belly and landing again with a wet slap. I groaned as he continued to work his way excruciatingly slowly towards my groin until his breath was hot and damp below my balls, an exquisite torment.
"Look at you," he whispered, his tone sounding to my lust-drugged ears almost reverential, almost loving. "So beautiful, Tammy."
He rested on his haunches, brushing the length of my torso with his fingertips, from my small, peaked nipples down my abdomen, over the lines of my waist and hips, where my skin was super-sensitive and ticklish. I squirmed, although not with displeasure, and a fire lit behind Master's eyes, a wickedly playful glint which had been too long absent from his bedchamber. The burden of responsibility had weighed heavy on him in recent years, and I had watched with a saddened heart as the once-carefree man I loved had become increasingly serious as time moved on. Thus I welcomed this return to earlier, happier days, the small glimpse I got of the man I first fell in love with.
More than anything else, in that moment I needed him to kiss me, needed to feel him crush me with his weight, mash our lips together, invade my mouth and claim me from the inside out. I needed to feel some fraction of the desire I felt for him mirrored back, even if it was only sexual, even if it could never be more. I was, in so many ways, still the child I had once been, still looking to him for more comfort than he could ever possibly give. Was I selfish, that whatever I had would never-could never-be enough? Why couldn't I content myself, as others did, with his affection, his interest, his goodwill? I had all those things and so much more, so why did it matter that I could never have his heart?