The Single Undead Moms(46)

I folded the papers back into the envelope and stuffed them into my back pocket, all the while schooling every muscle in my face into a relaxed, untroubled expression. I would not let these people see me worried or upset. I would not be fodder for the gossip mill—well, any more than I already was. I would walk out of here with my head held high and have a snotty, gross, undead breakdown in my van like a grown-ass woman.

“So I guess things with Les and Marge aren’t as OK as you think they are,” Marnie said, clucking her tongue.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Marnie,” I said, all sweetness drained from my voice. “That was just a little warning from the Council. They get really cranky when I bite random civilians without provocation. Of course, if I had provocation, they’d probably let me slide.”

I swept the tip of my tongue over my elongating canines and gave a very pointed look toward Marnie’s jugular. She went bone-white and took a step back. Behind me, I swore I heard Penny snicker, but she covered it with a cough.

“Good night, y’all,” I said, patting Jenny’s arm. I glanced at Marnie’s neck again, making her retreat even farther.

I walked out into the parking lot, teeth grinding as I searched through my enormous mom bag for my keys. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I knew my in-laws were going to file suit. It was the next step in the natural progression of this sort of legal situation. I just didn’t expect them to serve me at a freaking PTA meeting. Had they done it because they wanted to make sure there were witnesses or because they wanted to make sure I was embarrassed in front of the other parents? It wasn’t as if my evening schedule was unpredictable.

I could feel the fear and anxiety dragging me under the oily surface of paralysis. My hands were so cold and numb I could barely keep my grip on my purse. How was I going to fight them? How was I going to keep my son with me? Hell, how was I going to drive home?


So distracted was I that I didn’t even notice the footsteps falling behind me for several moments. When I did, I stopped, listening to make sure I wasn’t just hearing some other parent hightailing it out of the meeting. I turned and scanned the parking lot. A dark, exceptionally tall shape stood waiting at the end of the row, watching me.

“Jed, if this is another Bigfoot sighting, they’re getting kind of old,” I called. “You could at least shift to something interesting, like a land squid or a chupacabra.”

The shape didn’t move. It was hard for even my vampire eyes to make out details because he was dressed in relentless black from head to toe. He was even wearing a ski mask with strange meshlike coverings over the eyes.

We didn’t get a lot of ninjas in Half-Moon Hollow. And I’m pretty sure Jed would have responded. So I wasn’t quite sure how to react here. Was this some sort of test from Jane to determine whether I would survive a parking-lot attack? Couldn’t I just roll around in a gym with a practice dummy or something?

The figure cocked his head to the side, staring at me like some predatory creature considering his best approach. I dropped my bag and kicked out of my sandals.

I could do this. Sure, I had no fighting experience, but I had superstrength and speed on my side. Then again maybe this guy did, too. He could be a ninja chupacabra for all I knew. But I could survive this. I’d gotten through a trailer-park childhood, cancer, and ostracism from soccer moms.

I flicked my fingers at Mr. Chupacabra in the international gesture for “bring it.”

I could make out the shape’s long legs gathering for a leap, as if he was going to throw himself all the way across the parking lot in one jump. But across the pavement, someone blasted a horn and yelled, “Come on! I’ve got to get home before Scandal!”

More parents were filtering out of the school entrance. Brake lights flickered red across the darkness. I whipped my head back toward the dark figure . . . who was no longer standing at the end of the row. I scanned the parking lot, but there were no wayward ninja creatures lurking about.

I whipped my head around, searching for signs of El Chupacabra. But all I could see were my fellow parents and a sea of SUVs and minivans.

Great. Now I was having delusions.

Scooping my bag from the ground, I climbed into my van and slammed the door, locking it tight. And thanks to every woman-in-peril movie I’d ever seen, I knelt backward in my seat to check the back of the van to make sure no one was lurking there.

Jane had made it very clear that if I was confronted by any assailants, masked or otherwise, I was to come to her immediately and tell her every detail. After texting Kerrianne to tell her I would be a little late, I put my van in gear and pulled out of the parking lot, heading downtown.