‘Aren’t you just the gent? Anna’s done a good job with you boys.’
At that moment, Anna came clacking into the courtyard in an immaculate white T-shirt and knee-length shorts that would have made me look like I’d escaped from a bowling tournament.
‘Massimo, you need to go and give Lara a hand. Sandro’s seen a lizard and won’t go into his room now.’
Anna managed to put a slight sneer on ‘Sandro’ and ‘Lara’. It was no wonder the poor buggers were gibbering wrecks of underconfidence.
Massimo shrugged in a ‘What can you do?’ sort of way.
‘I’d better go and be the lizard slayer. See you later, ladies.’
31
LARA
I watched Maggie shrugging off Anna’s advice on the journey over. ‘Thanks, Anna, but Sam doesn’t need his jumper. He gets hot really easily’; ‘I’m quite happy for him to play on the iPad for the whole flight’; ‘I know Coke is bad for his teeth but it’s only now and again. Think of it as a service to keeping dentists in business.’
Maggie’s conviction that her way might not be perfect but it was good enough filled me with awe and envy. Anna only had to say ‘scarf’ to me and I bundled up Sandro like an Egyptian mummy. Unlike Maggie I didn’t have a mother to counterbalance Anna’s certainty that I couldn’t cope without her input. As soon as Sandro was born, Anna told anyone who listened, ‘Of course, he’s a demanding baby, very fussy. And Lara’s prone to worrying. It was a difficult pregnancy and I think she’s passed her apprehension onto the little one. Thank goodness Massimo is so hands-on, otherwise I don’t know what she would do.’
I’d felt as though without one of them watching me I’d scald his throat with milk, burn his bottom at bath time, under- or overfeed him. And now, the habit had become ingrained. I could barely make a decision about whether Sandro needed a coat without asking someone else’s opinion.
So when Sandro spotted the lizard, I started to explain he could have the bed furthest from the door, that we’d keep the windows shut, that lizards were friendly, a smaller version of the little creature in How to Train Your Dragon. But of course, Anna, next door, with her laser antennae for ‘Lara not coping’, poked her head out, heard Sandro gathering all his tiny might for full-scale reptilian uproar and, with my words, ‘He’ll be fine in a minute’ bleating uselessly round the courtyard, she charged off to find Massimo.
Which would be the end of cajoling Sandro to do anything.
Massimo came barging in, squatting down in front of Sandro and hissing in his face, careful to keep his voice low so the others couldn’t hear. ‘Don’t you dare start making a fuss about a lizard! A bloody lizard! Have you seen how big they are compared to you? You’ll be making a fuss about an ant next! You need to grow a pair, son. You will not be ruining this holiday by blubbing and whining about every little thing. Will you?’
Sandro shook his head.
‘I can’t hear you. Will you or will you not ruin my holiday by making a fuss about every last thing?’
I pushed down the torrent of fury that had been whirlpooling inside me since Maggie had come round and confirmed my suspicions the night before.
What Massimo did to me wasn’t important any more. But Sandro was another matter. I had to stay strong for him.
I willed him to answer as Massimo pushed his face right up close. Briefly, I eyed the wrought-iron lamp on the bedside table and imagined smashing it down on the back of Massimo’s head, seeing fright in his eyes for a change. For a moment, my hand twitched by my side.
‘No.’ Sandro’s bare little twig a of response seemed to satisfy Massimo. He stood up, that pointing, stabbing forefinger relaxing back into his palm. Then, as though someone else had walked into the room, Massimo swept Sandro off his feet, swung him round and planted a big kiss on his head. ‘Good lad.’
A dart of fear washed across Sandro’s face, subsiding into relief as Massimo put him down again, sending him on his way with a pat on the back. ‘Off you go then. See if you can find where Sam’s got to.’
‘He’ll be all right once he settles in,’ I said, deliberately busying myself with unpacking so I wouldn’t have to look at Massimo, wouldn’t have to monitor the ‘insolence’ on my face. I could feel him moving behind me. My shoulders tensed, my body braced for a jab in the kidneys or a shove into the wall.
He put his chin on my shoulder from behind, kissing my ear. ‘Of course he’ll be fine.’
For a split second, I relaxed, a brief flicker of hope flaring in me. But then he grabbed my wrist, digging in his thumb so hard my fingers went weak. I’d trained myself not to struggle. I let my body go loose, the inside of my wrists didn’t usually bruise easily. I kept my eyes open but unseeing, blanking him out.