I prayed silently to every saint I could think of-except Valentine-for help. That guy had been no use whatsoever.
I was in a daze while I was herded around the studio set and behind the scenes. Was this real? Why did everything seem shiny, even the people? Maybe all the lights? I felt like I should invest in teeth whitener strips. The hosts, Marla and Manny, nicknamed M&M, especially gleamed. Marla was a former model that still looked like the catwalk would love her with her luscious dark tresses and goddess cheekbones. Manny was what my followers would call Latin-lover material. He had caramel skin, beautiful brown eyes, and a voice that could talk you into anything. I only met them briefly; they said they wanted to save it for the show, whatever that meant.
You know what made it even worse? They had a studio audience. How did I not remember that there would be people there to laugh in my face?
Avery and Delanie were having the time of their lives, chatting it up and eating the food provided for the crew and guests. Who could eat at a time like this? I was never eating again.
I sat, dazed, in a makeup chair while the makeup artist, Liv, did her best to clog my pores with massive doses of what felt like shellac for my face. Liv even offered fake eyelashes. No thanks.
I was the second guest. M&M were interviewing the cast of a local playhouse first, talking about their upcoming holiday schedule and performances. All the actors looked so good sitting on the immaculate white couches. They sounded good too, charming and funny. And they sang, like bring-the-house-down kind of singing.
I shook my head, watching the monitor in the green room I was in. "I can't do this."
Avery and Delanie both laughed like this was some kind of joke. "Of course you can," they both said.
Avery must have clued in to the sheer terror in my eyes. She took my hands. "You are going to be amazing. Just pretend like you're talking to friends or typing on your laptop. You talk to strangers every day."
"They don't see me, though, and I have a delete button on my laptop. There is no taking anything back here."
Delanie stepped in. "The reason they asked you on is because they like your candidness and honesty. If you say something off the cuff, they'll love it."
"Let out the breath you're holding," Avery suggested. "You got this."
Whether I did or not, it was my turn. I had a production assistant coming to march me to my death. This called for some macabre music. Avery and Delanie each gave me a squeeze and I was off like a lamb to the slaughter.
Before I knew it, I was in the wings listening to people talk about someone I wasn't sure I knew.
"We have a special treat this morning, a homegrown celebrity that is taking social media by storm. That's right, we have the Sidelined Wife in the house. If you haven't heard of her yet, you will. She's known for her quick wit, and advice on everything from sex, fashion, and how to make your toilets sparkle."
Did they really need to bring that up? Ma was going to flip about the mention of sex.
"She's here today to delight us with her wisdom and to show us how to make her famous glorified cookies-I mean, ‘protein balls.'" Marla and Manny laughed together before standing up to greet me.
The assistant had to push me out there.
Don't fall, don't fall, smile, make eye contact, don't fall.
Like a bizarre dream, I walked out onto the set, which was a lot cooler in person. It looked like someone from HGTV had designed the set. It was stylish, homey, but with a dose of class. White furniture with wicker baskets and rustic vases filled the space.
Applause rang in my ears as I approached the shiny hosts with outstretched arms. Oh, we were hugging. That wasn't awkward at all. But it wasn't bad-Manny smelled like crisp citrus. It was nice. Not Reed nice, but nice. Was Reed watching? I'd given him the time. I couldn't think about it. Focus, Sam.
"Welcome, welcome." Marla waved to the chair near the couch where they sat. "Have a seat."
Sitting was good; my legs felt like jelly. At least I hadn't fallen. ‘Thank you for having me." I smiled. Or did I? My face felt frozen.
Manny was closest to me and leaned in, blinding me with his gleaming smile. "Tell us a little bit about yourself."
I said the first thing that popped into my head. "Well, I just turned forty, I'm a divorced, single mom, but I do get to host my book club this month, so you could say I'm living the dream." That sounded so dumb. Why was everyone laughing?
"What did we tell you? Isn't she great?" Marla addressed the audience.
"The big question on our minds is, do you know who Autumn Moone is? She's really who we have to thank for bringing us you." Manny patted my knee. Was that allowed?
"I don't think she knew the kind of crazy she was unleashing on the world when she posted my blog, but I would love to thank her in real life. And find out if Laine and Hunter will finally be getting together."
"Don't we all wish we knew that?" Marla fanned herself. "What do you predict?"
"I think they'll come together, but will get torn apart by the end."
"Ooh, good theory, and it means more Hunter Black books," Marla purred.
"I'll buy every one." I smiled.
We chatted some more on the couch before they wheeled in a kitchen, or at least a kitchen counter. Did I mention how bizarre this was? Before I knew it, I was in an apron plastered with Marla and Manny's faces on it, standing there getting ready to make protein balls.
All the ingredients were laid out and premeasured. I was told just to mix and explain. They even had some premade protein balls under the counter for Manny to pull out when I was done making a few as a demonstration.
While I dumped the oats and scraped the peanut butter into the mixing bowl in front of me, they continued to talk to me.
"You know, I have a bone to pick with you," Manny teased. "My girlfriend asked me to sign one of your NDAs."
Laughter filled the studio.
"I have several printed out, ready to go," Marla jumped in. "Women needed something like this a long time ago."
"Not according to my mom. Hi, Ma." I waved. That was going to cost me.
More laughter.
"Speaking of dating, what advice do you have?" Marla asked.
"Proceed with extreme caution," rolled off my tongue. "And try dating yourself. It might be the best time you ever had. That goodnight kiss is a little awkward, though."
Why was everything I said so funny to these people? Laughter pealed through the studio.
"I guess that means a second marriage is off the table for you?" Manny asked.
I tossed my head from side to side. "I wouldn't say that. But when I see women jumping from one marriage to another, I'm like, honey, you just got your one-way ticket out of hell-oops, can I say hell?"
"Well, you just did." Marla slapped my arm playfully.
"Anyway, I just think, enjoy the clean toilet for a while."
Manny leaned back. "Hey, now."
"You know it's true." Marla gave her co-host a wink.
"Let's get back to the protein balls," Manny suggested.
You could never go wrong with a protein ball. That was going to be my new motto.
Chapter Forty-Three
Giddy. I felt positively giddy. I survived the interview, my house smelled heavenly, like red wine stew and the homemade rolls I had thrown in the oven a few minutes ago. Cody was surviving per Gelaire. She said it was tense between him and Neil, but Cody lingered wherever baby Farrah was. I took that as a good sign. Not only that, in moments my spine would be tingling. I planned to pull Reed in the house and kiss him thoroughly. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed him.
I was flitting around my kitchen like Doris Day, checking on the last-minute details of our candlelit dinner that was way overdue. I had set everything up at the breakfast bar. For some reason, I still couldn't do the formal dining room. The candles flickered to the tune of Frank Sinatra on the surround sound. The wine was chilling and the glasses sparkled, waiting to be filled. I stirred the stew one more time and turned on the oven light to check on the rolls before the doorbell rang.
I hustled out of the Marla and Manny apron I was given today before I left the studio. I smoothed my little black dress and checked to make sure I put on deodorant and that my armpits were still smooth. A lot of skin was showing. I had to moisturize the heck out of myself this afternoon. Don't even get me going on the hair removal. When I deemed myself passable, I headed for the door in my heels, clicking against the hardwood floors. All in a rush to see Reed.