For years I ached for another child. Neil would never budge. And now here he was, having what I always wanted. Avery was right, life was so damn unfair.
After the game Friday, I wanted to comfort Reed. Wrap my arms around him and tell him they would get them next time, but I barely got to wave at him before I walked off with a dejected Cody. It was a somber scene after the game. I saw a few tears in the boys' eyes. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Saturday I spent all day helping Cody get ready for his big first date. I ended up having to hem his pants, and at the last minute, he decided he hated the tie we picked out earlier in the week, so we made a trip to the nearby department store to get the perfect pink tie to match Rory's dress, which I prayed covered up more than it showed.
Yeah, that was a pipe dream. The Teen Vogue princess showed up in a dress that left nothing to the imagination, and my son had never grinned so wide. I was going to need a valium. I almost wished we bought a corsage that had to be pinned on and Cody would have stuck her and ruined the pink Tinkerbell dress. Instead, I snapped pictures of Cody slipping the wrist corsage on. I had to pin on his boutonniere, because little Miss Thing's fake nails were ridiculously long. I kept imagining her scratching my son with those and then I had some violent thoughts. I would be checking Cody's back when he returned, and if I saw one claw mark, there would be hell to pay.
Rory was older than Cody and had a license already. She drove a Miata. Thankfully there wasn't a lot of room in those babies, but I also knew it didn't take a lot and, well, you could get inventive in the heat of the moment. I couldn't do this. I sent up a prayer to Saint Jude to rescue me and my son. My son, who looked so happy and like he'd hit the jackpot.
I embarrassed him and hugged him extra-long before they walked out the door together hand in hand.
I watched my son open her car door. She stood on her tip toes and kissed him on the cheek. He touched his cheek and helped her in. At least I had raised a gentleman. Tears welled up in my eyes. This was all so new, and I was alone. I hated Neil even more in that moment. I was supposed to have someone to turn to and tell me it would all be okay. That this was normal, the natural progression of things. There was nothing natural about watching your baby take his first steps into a world where you were no longer needed.
I can do this, I chanted to myself. I'd been alone in this parenting thing most of our marriage anyway.
With the last tear wiped away, the doorbell rang. Did Cody forget his house key? Or maybe I got lucky and he decided he'd rather stay home with his mom on a Saturday night. So, I was living in a fantasy world.
I opened the door and came face to face with a vase full of multi-colored roses, red, pink, purple, yellow, peach, white, all mixed together.
"I have a delivery for Samantha Decker," the man holding the bouquet informed me. "I'm going to need you to sign for them."
I took the man's pen and scribbled my name on some electronic device before he handed me the large bouquet with a card sticking out. I had a feeling I knew who they were from, but I couldn't think of why he would send me flowers; my birthday wasn't for another nine days.
I walked the flowers back to the kitchen, set them on the island, and eagerly grabbed the card. The tiny card read, I wanted to get you a corsage, but I didn't know what color dress you would have worn tonight had we been able to go together. I chose every color they had to cover my bases. I'll be missing you in my arms tonight.
I pressed the card to my chest. I looked down at the sweater and jeans I was wearing, wishing I was dressed up for a night with Reed.
I grabbed my phone. The flowers are beautiful. Thank you. I would have worn a little black dress.
Promise me you'll wear it for me someday. He responded right away.
I promise.
I'll keep an eye on Cody for you.
Thank you.
You got this, Sam.
It was exactly what I needed to hear.
I took the flowers to my room and hid the card in my top drawer with all the sexy underwear I had no use for except to hide all the little notes and cards from Reed. I knew if Cody, for whatever reason, ever looked in there, he would close it right back up and never look past the silk, lacy panties and bras.
I spent the rest of the night polishing my speech and checking the time, anxiously waiting for Cody to return. I had entered a new phase in my life. Those phases seemed to be coming in a tidal wave. I hoped I didn't drown.
~*~
Sunday did me no favors. It, too, didn't turn out like I'd hoped. Reed wasn't feeling well and couldn't make it to dinner. Maybe it was a good thing. The mood at the table was somber, our party of twelve was down to nine. Delanie and Peter's empty chairs were glaring reminders of the divide present in our family. Even our rambunctious teenagers were subdued. Everyone seemed to be looking into their plates of pot roast and mashed potatoes. Except Ma, whose red eyes were daring anyone to tell her this was all her fault. She knew darn well it was.
I reached over and took Ma's hand. "Ma, please. This isn't right."
She steeled her already stiff stance. "I never told them they weren't welcome here."
"Delanie never felt welcome."
"That's not my fault." She pulled her hand away.
I looked down the table at Dad, who shook his head at me as if to say drop it. But how could I? The holidays were coming up, and this wasn't what being a Decker was all about.
"Ma," emotion crept in to my voice, "we have lost too much in this family already. I can't stand the thought of another person missing at this table."
Ma's eyes blurred with tears. Hope rose in my chest, but fell when she stood up and threw her napkin in her chair without a word.
A collective sigh filled the dining room.
Mimsy threw cash at the boys. Even I got a ten-dollar bill out of it, like that would make it all better.
The only good thing to come out of the night was that I got to see where Reed lived. Ma insisted we take a plate to him since he was sick. I called Peter for his address, since it would look suspicious if I texted Reed. I offered to bring Peter and Delanie a plate too, but he declined. I hated this.
I had Cody run the plate up to Reed's cute front door. Reed was renting a darling, older brick rambler. It had a yellow door and black shutters. Wrought iron railing lined the brick steps to the door. The yard was small, but well kept. I noticed the navy-blue curtains he'd picked out hung in the front window.
I hoped he was feeling better; he sounded miserable when I talked to him earlier. I had been thinking about a way to do something for him. Ma, unbeknownst to her, helped. She probably would have had an aneurysm if she knew we'd been seeing each other. She was hoping to set him up with Penelope Gifford, a nice younger woman that had recently returned home from modeling in Italy. Reed had acted mildly interested. It made me wonder how much time we had left.
I caught a glimpse of Reed. Even from my car, I could tell he didn't feel well. His hair was going in all different directions and he was in pajama pants, no shirt. I'm just going to say a word I never thought I would say unless I was talking about my fictional boyfriend, Hunter Black. Yum. So I said it and I felt ridiculous for it. I rubbed my face. I was a mother, I repeated to myself.
Reed waved at me and I waved back, trying not to think about how good my hands would feel on his taut, defined chest. It was a far cry from the undefined bald chest I remembered from his adolescent days. I rolled down my window a tad to let some cold air in.
Cody jumped back into the car. "Coach said ‘thank you.'"
"How's he doing?"
Cody shrugged. "I don't know. He sounded bad." He had inherited the Decker men's unobservant gene.
It turned out Reed was in bad shape, like walking pneumonia bad. So bad, we missed our grocery shopping date and I snuck soup over to him and left it on his front porch. He didn't want me to get sick and I didn't want us to get caught, but when I dropped off the chicken noodle soup, I couldn't help but want to go in.
I missed him, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Thunderous applause rang in my ears. I looked over the crowd of women who had each been seated at their respective round tables eating lunch. Those same women were now on their feet, clapping for me. Reed suggested I end with the line he loved so much about none of us truly being empowered until we all were. From the looks of it, it had an effect.
My heart was pounding wildly. I wasn't expecting such a response. I only spoke from the heart about my journey and where I hoped to go. I used football as an analogy for how we can empower women and girls. I talked about the teamwork it required and how if we as adult women stopped comparing ourselves, how much better equipped we would make the next generation of women. I talked about the need to persevere, even if the odds were against us and it looked like we might lose. The great thing about life, though, was there was plenty of overtime; we just couldn't give up. These were all things I needed to hear more than anyone.