Pedicure? When?
I'm not sure yet. Maybe Thursday, if I have time.
Make time Thursday evening and I'll come with you after practice is over.
I don't have time to go two hours away to get a pedicure.
You don't need to. I have a plan.
You always do.
I do what I have to do to clandestine with you.
That rhymed.
I have more where that came from.
I had no doubt that he did. My yawning was becoming uncontrollable. It was already eleven. I better go. Goodnight.
Goodnight, beautiful.
I held the phone to my chest, believing he meant every word.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Why is it when you feel like you are getting one part of your life settled, or at least in the managed-chaos stage, that colossal chaos comes your way? I'm partially blaming you all for my current dilemma. Apparently, there are people that think I may know a thing or two since so many of you follow me. If you are under that impression as well, please let me apologize. I'm not sure where they got their information.
But now I'll be making my first public appearance. I'm supposed to string words together that sound intelligent and insightful. I've never ranked myself high on either scale. To top it off, my son is going on his first date this weekend. And not just any date, but a homecoming date. I'm gulping down my heart as I type.
I don't know about you other single, divorced moms, but now I worry even more about being enough. Am I enough to show my son how to be a man? A better man than the one I chose for him?
Does he know that there is nothing more "manly" than showing his emotions or admitting when he's made a mistake and then trying to do better? Does he know the influence he has to empower the future girls and women in his life? Have I empowered him? Will he know what it means to be a partner when I feel like I'm just learning that lesson now? Does he know that sometimes the strongest thing he can do is be gentle? Or that saying no to his own desires in place of another person's shows strength beyond compare? Will he be brave enough in the tough moments to do the right thing? I know the man I trusted to be strong in the moments that truly counted wasn't.
My hope is that my son sees what a destructive force selfishness is and chooses a better way. I hope that I will choose better. And I'm not talking about a man, though I do have a working list on the must-haves for the next husband, assuming there will be a next one. I'll share that list in a later post, but spine-tingling kisses is a must.
As always, carry on, and don't forget the important job we do on the sidelines. I especially love the support you all lend to each other and me on every thread. If you have any tips for how to make it through your son dating, or a good, stiff drink recommendation, send them my way. Just kidding. I should probably remain sober for this. So any non-alcoholic advice would be terrific.
Yours Truly,
Sidelined Wife in Chief
P.S. Return to Sender was riveting. I give it two thumbs up. Next up on the book club front is Midnight Promises. I'll be sending out more info and the These Chicks Read Lit book club questions in my newsletter if you want to participate via Skype.
Yes, I had a newsletter. That was Delanie's idea. And the Stepford Wives-aka These Chicks Read Lit-had assimilated me. The first book club had been last week, and I admit I enjoyed myself, even if we weren't reading Hunter Black books. I even posted pictures on my blog and Facebook page of all my new artificial friends, who might turn into the real thing as long as they didn't want to start braiding my hair or having sleepovers. I was afraid that was a possibility for some of them.
Did I mention one of the mean moms was a member? Her name was Clarice, as in Silence of the Lambs, though I pegged her more as the serial killer, not the heroine. Her beady-eyed stares all night bothered me. And every time someone mentioned they loved my blog, she made ugh sort of sounds that she tried to pass off as clearing her throat. I was so proud of myself when I finally handed her a cough drop halfway through our discussion. She begrudgingly had to take it, but I could tell with every fiber of her being she wanted to shove it down my throat.
Good times.
I clicked publish on my post and checked the time. I probably shouldn't be writing posts at work, but that was one of the perks when you worked for family. Delanie was meeting Avery and me for lunch at the office to help Avery plan her Halloween party, even though she had it mostly planned already. This was more of an excuse to let Delanie know we loved her.
Delanie offered to bring the food. I hoped she wasn't making it. I loved her and wanted to do what we could to mend the gaping hole Ma created and was adding to every day by refusing to apologize. It had been four days now. At least Peter and Delanie weren't cutting off ties with everyone, but I couldn't imagine Sunday dinner without them. I hated that our numbers were shrinking. Well, Reed had filled a spot, but how long would that last?
Speaking of Reed, my phone buzzed. I looked down and saw this message.
I want to know if your spine tingles when I kiss you, and how does that feel? My spine has never tingled.
My Reed grin came out.
First, I'm disappointed your spine doesn't tingle when we kiss. And second, aren't you supposed to be educating the next generation right now instead of reading my blog?
Just like I should be working. I had to get our third quarter tax payment transferred to the state. How were we already well into October? That meant a baby would be born soon. I forced that thought out of my head. Reed helped me out.
If you weren't such a lady and I wasn't doing my best to be a gentleman to you, I would tell you some things that . . . never mind, just know I look forward to each and every touch. And by the way, it's my planning period.
I hoped no one walked into my office. Not only was my spine tingling, but I felt the mother of all hot flashes-the good kind, not the menopausal kind.
That's right. I forgot.
You never did answer my original question.
I bit my lip. I would have thought the gasps would have answered that question for you.
I do enjoy those. It's a shame I won't be able to hear any in the near future.
That is a shame. Really it was. There was no time this week for us to sneak away. The last time we had seen each other was Monday to grocery shop, and as fun as that was, it left something to be desired. Namely, him.
Are we still on for pedicures this evening?
If you're sure.
I still couldn't believe he wanted to get one. I wasn't entirely sure how we were going to pull it off together, but he said he had it handled. He hadn't failed us yet. Although a woman had recognized me in the grocery store Monday, thankfully, Reed noticed and was able to scurry away unseen by the eager fan.
That was weird for me, by the way. She told me her whole life story there in the international food aisle, including how all three of her husbands had left her. One left her for a man, so she didn't feel too bad about that one, but her last one left her for a much older woman. She was salty about it. So much so, she spray-painted his car and was arrested. I hoped she read the rules of the Sidelined Wives club: no talking about any illegal activity that would make us testify against you. I confess, I faked a phone call from Cody to get away from her. She frightened me.
I wouldn't miss it. See you soon, gorgeous, Reed texted back.
I look forward to it.
And did I ever. I wasn't sure I ever had this much fun dating when I was younger. Maybe it was the whole secret aspect. More than likely it was Reed. He was the epitome of fun. When we were younger, I considered his carefree attitude annoying. It's amazing what twenty years could do for your perspective.
Lingering thoughts of Reed were interrupted by the sound of Delanie's and Avery's voices. I clicked out of my texting app and slid my phone into the pocket of my jeans before heading out to the front of the office to have lunch with my sisters. We would eat at Avery's desk since we didn't have a break room-there was only a small area in the back with a refrigerator and a microwave on a stand. Nothing fancy. The guys usually ate at the site they were working at. Once in a while they came to the office when James had a lunch date with Avery or if Peter was sneaking home to be with Delanie.
Delanie and Avery were already seated with a large paper bag from the local Thai restaurant on the desk. Relief filled me. No home-cooked Delanie meals. Delanie sat stiff and pensive opposite Avery. Even so, she looked gorgeous in her brown cable-knit sweater, her hair draped to the side. No wonder Peter was sneaking off any chance he could.