Reed leaned in. His scent made me catch my breath.
"Sam . . . what if I told you that I was attracted to you?"
I shook my head. I must have had an aneurysm or a stroke. Out of body experience? Maybe a loss of hearing. Lots of weird noises escaped my mouth, not one of them a word. I finally managed to say, "No, you're not."
He wasn't amused. His jaw tightened, and he cleared his throat. "Obviously you're not ready to hear this."
If he wanted me to look at him, he succeeded. I couldn't not look at him. "Why?" was all I could think of to say.
"Why aren't you ready, or why am I attracted to you?"
"Sure," I breathed out.
His facial features softened with a smile. "This wasn't how I imagined us having this conversation."
"How did you picture it?"
"Well, first of all, I was going to take you curtain shopping and drag that out for as long as I could."
I returned his grin.
"That would have led to dinner. Throw some wine in there for good measure. And then I was going to lean across the table once we were both a little tipsy and tell you I've had a raging crush on you since I was thirteen. You would laugh and think I was joking. Then I would confess that I prayed to Saint Valentine to keep you single until I grew up. Damn fool, I'm still upset with him. He's really let me down over the years. And not just with you." Reed shook his head.
I sat still, in shock, trying to process what he was saying. And relating to him about Saint Valentine. I hated that guy and refused to ever ask for his help again. Reed wasn't the only person he had let down.
"Reed you're-"
"I'm what? Too young?"
"Well, yeah, kind of." At least for me. I had never dated anyone younger.
"You're thirty-nine and I'm thirty-four."
"I'm going to be forty next month."
"I'll be thirty-five in March. Who cares?" He loosened his purple tie, whipped it off, and threw it in the backseat like he was getting down to business.
I turned away from him and stared aimlessly up at the cloudless night sky. "This is crazy. I can't-"
"You can't what?"
"I can't date you."
He reached over and took my hand. It felt different this time. More than a friendly gesture. "Please look at me. Really look at me."
I faced him and took a deep breath. His smile, I noticed, had a smoldering quality to it. Wait. Had it been like that since he'd been back? He rubbed his thumb across my hand. Why wasn't I pulling it away?
"Sam," his voice was soft but deep, intimate. "If you hadn't known me as a kid, would my age really bother you?"
That was a good question. But it wasn't the only factor. "I don't know, but you're Cody's coach, and I haven't even thought about dating yet. I'm still a mess."
"A beautiful mess."
"Have you really liked me all this time?"
A sheepish smile played on his face. "This might be a good time to tell you it was Peter and me that let the air out of Neil's tires on the night he proposed to you."
"What?" I spat out.
"We overheard your mom talking about the big proposal and how he had asked your dad for your hand in marriage. Neither Peter nor I cared for the guy. Peter thought he was an uptight pansy, and I hated him because he was living out my teenage fantasy. I don't know why we thought letting the air out of his tires was going to stop him from proposing."
"I can't believe that was you guys! You ruined my proposal." Well, sort of. Neil could have asked me to marry him in a garbage truck and I would have said yes.
"What can I say? We were fifteen and stupid."
"I'll give you that." Neil was so nervous that night that he didn't even notice, and I was so wrapped up in him, I didn't either. But it didn't take long after we drove off to figure out something was wrong. Halfway up our street he got out, and when he realized what was wrong, he swore and kicked at the tires. But when he got back into the car, he looked at me, and it was like nothing else mattered to him. He pulled out the one carat princess-cut ring right then and there and asked me to be his bride. It was a fond memory, and one we laughed about for a long time. That was, until the laughter stopped and the ring came off.
"Did Peter know how you felt? Does he know now?"
"You're the first person I've ever told."
"I think both James and Peter are suspicious."
"It's hard when I'm around you to pretend I'm not attracted to you."
"I think you're mistaking attraction for something else." I mean, I found him to be physically attractive.
He leaned in closer. His vanilla-shake breath lingered in the air between us. There wasn't a lot of space, if truth be told. It wasn't bad at all.
"I think you're scared. I understand why you would be."
Scared didn't even cover it. "What do you even know about me?"
"I know you're witty as hell. I've been reading your blog posts."
I wasn't sure if I should be embarrassed or flattered. Probably some of both, but it wasn't like Ma hadn't embarrassed me enough about it in front of him.
He continued. "I know you're a fighter, a good mother, smart, generous. I remember you were always helping someone in your neighborhood, whether it was babysitting for free or watching their pets. You were the girl that always donated her birthday presents to the local women and children's shelter. I watched you more than you ever knew. And I only annoyed you because I couldn't think of any other way for you to pay attention to me."
I was truly at a loss for words.
He squeezed my hands. "Just promise me you'll think about it. About us?"
Us? I gulped.
Chapter Twenty-One
Reed was all I could think about. I got home in the nick of time-just before Cody arrived. Reed had dropped me off back at the school so I could get my car. I was worried I wouldn't make it home before midnight. How would I explain my absence to my son? "Hi, honey. By the way, I was parked with your coach in one of his old make-out spots"-a tidbit I'd found out on the drive home-"and, surprise, he wants to go out on a date with me. How was your night?"
I didn't see that conversation playing out too well. Even Reed knew it would be a complication if . . . if what? If we went out on a date? I couldn't even say it out loud.
I threw on some yoga pants and a t-shirt before jumping into bed just as I heard Cody walk in. I picked up my tablet and pretended to read something before Cody knocked on my door.
"Mom, I'm home."
"Come in." I found myself sounding like a nervous teenager who was afraid her parents might find out about what she had done that night.
Cody's eyes looked tired, and his shoulders were still slumped.
I patted a spot next to me on the bed.
He walked over and took a seat next to me even though he didn't seem keen on it. I would at least give Cody this, he tried to always show me that he loved me.
"How was your night?"
He shrugged. "Fine."
"Do you want to talk about your dad?"
He shook his head.
"You know it's okay to be angry."
"If he doesn't care about me, I don't care about him."
I took his hand. "You do care. You should care. This isn't about you. It's about me."
"I hate him." His hard brown eyes said he wasn't lying.
"I know, but don't let it tear you up inside. You can talk to me or Grandpa, James, or Peter. We're all here for you."
"I just want to go to bed."
I nodded. I knew not to push it with him. "Okay. Sleep tight."
He thundered toward my door, but he stopped before he exited and mumbled, "Love you."
"I love you more than you know."
I couldn't hope to sleep now. So many emotions coursed through me. I had half a mind to call Neil right then and let him have it. What was I waiting for? He needed to hear what I had to say. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and dialed his number. It went straight to voice mail. I had forgotten he turned his phone off at night. A voice message would do for now. My anger needed an outlet.
"You should know that your son got to play in his first varsity game tonight, and you missed it. He noticed. You're breaking your son's heart. The sad part is I'm not even sure you care. You divorced me, not Cody. But I guess since you're having a new baby with your new whatever, we don't exist for you anymore. Go ahead and write us out of your life. Maybe I'll write someone else in. Someone that cares more about Cody than he does about himself. Someone Cody can look up to. Someone that's not you!"