The Sidelined Wife(22)

We lost the ceremonial coin toss. I wasn't even sure why they did that  anymore. Everyone knew the real coin toss happened between the coaches  and referees before the game. But I guess it gave the team captains  something to do. So the Panthers would be kicking off to the Spartans.  It was a great kick-off too. Our kicker was a phenomenal girl who was  also a star soccer player. I loved that she was on the football team.

The first half of the game was uglier than I hoped it would be based on  James's intel. The Spartans were playing dirty and hard. I watched Reed  to see how he would handle it all. Again, he was calm and collected. I  could see him trying to keep our guys focused, and it worked. By the end  of the half, we were up 17 – 13. It was close, but we were edging them  out.

Avery and I used halftime to hit the ladies' room, which was really an  excuse to talk about my dad's purchase and my email from Autumn Moone.  Avery was in a girlish tizzy over it, squeezing my arm and reading it  several times on my phone.

She handed me back my phone. "You should see if she'll send us some signed copies. And maybe a large poster of Hunter Black."

"Where would you keep yours? I don't think James would appreciate it, but according to Peter, James is onto your obsession."

She waved her hand around in the air. "He has nothing to worry about.  Besides, he still buys the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue every year.  It would serve him right for me to put up a poster of Hunter Black  above our bed. Ask for one of him shirtless."

I laughed at her. "I don't think we'll have any more correspondence."

"Come on, do it for me."

I shook my head. "Only because I love you and I want to see James's reaction to the poster."

She leaned into me and laughed evilly.

We brought candy and popcorn back for everyone and handed them out  before the second half started. I still had hope Cody would get some  playing time. I saw him throwing footballs on the sideline with the  third-string quarterback, trying to keep his arm warm just in case.

Dad beamed at his grandson. "That kid is going places," he remarked.

"Hopefully close to home," I replied.

Dad wrapped his arm around me. I noticed when he reached across, he  brushed Ma's shoulder first. She returned the gesture with a wry smile  and a semi-glare. That was progress. I predicted by the end of the game  she would be back to her normal rolling of the eyes, but holding his  hand. The question would be if Dad would get to keep the boat.

Reed must have given one heck of a motivational speech in the locker  room. The Panthers came back with a lot of roar. By fourth quarter, the  score was 31 – 20. And guess who was sent in for the last few minutes of  the game? When my baby's name was called by the announcer, I stood up  clasping my hands together and holding them tight to my chest. So proud.  So anxious for him. He looked taller as he jogged out to the huddle and  called the play. Dad joined me. It made me feel all at once less alone  and more alone, if that made any sense at all. Dads are amazing, but  they don't fill the void left by a spouse, try as they may. Dad was  doing his best, and I loved him more than he would ever know for it.

Suddenly, I realized how big some of the Spartans' linemen were. Those  sumo wrestlers were going to squish my baby. I had to keep myself from  hyperventilating, waiting for the ball to be snapped. Cody caught the  snap fluidly, ran back, zeroed in on his running back, and threw a  pretty spiral. The pass was completed but they only gained a few yards.  The next down netted them maybe a yard-the receiver was pushed back by  some of those sumo wrestlers.

Third down saw Cody having to run the ball himself since no one could  get open. The Spartans defense was putting up a good fight. Thankfully,  Cody ran out of bounds and wasn't tackled. On top of that, he netted  them a first down. He carefully marched his team down the field toward  the end zone, running down the clock and keeping possession of the ball.  The defense was trying their best to stop them and get the ball back,  but each time our offense answered.                       
       
           



       

I felt like I didn't breathe the entire time Cody was on that field.  Thirteen yards from the end zone saw Cody taking a knee on the snap,  letting the clock run down and ending the game. I knew Cody would be  disappointed he didn't get the chance to throw a touchdown pass or score  one by running it in. But his team won their home opener and he  celebrated with enthusiasm, jumping up and down with his teammates on  the field.

My eyes followed as Reed walked across the field to shake hands with the  Spartans' coach. As soon as that obligation was taken care of, he was  like a kid with a huge spring in his step, high-fiving and fist-bumping  every player. I watched him give Cody a big bear hug. It tugged on my  heartstrings.

I hadn't even noticed the major celebration going on around me. My dad,  brothers, and nephews mimicked the team. Mimsy celebrated by handing  more cash to Jimmy and Matt. I was handed a wad of bills with strict  instructions that it was only for Cody, like I would steal from my son.

Soon the celebrating was over, and my family left. Peter was anxious to  get home to Delanie. Matt and Jimmy had an early morning cross country  meet, so James and Avery rushed them home. It was way past Mimsy's  bedtime, and I got the feeling Dad wanted to talk to Ma privately. I  noticed how he rested his hand on her lower back while she guided Mimsy  down the bleachers.

The stands cleared. And that was that.





Chapter Nineteen


There I was. Alone.

The team had cleared the field and headed to the locker room. That was  good news for me. It meant Cody should smell decent on the trip home.

I slipped into my lightweight nylon jacket, though it was still  relatively warm and humid out. It brought me comfort, like a security  blanket, even if it didn't match the shorts and jersey I was wearing.

I headed to the locker rooms with several other parents to wait for our  children. Was everyone married? I hadn't noticed that before. And why  was I feeling marginalized because I was single now? Maybe because I  heard two of the moms up ahead whispering about me, but doing a terrible  job of keeping their voices down.

"Did you know she's calling herself ‘the Sidelined Wife' now?"

"Who does she think she is?"

One of the husbands looked back at me before also doing a terrible job of whispering to his wife. "I think she can hear you."

The women stopped and looked back at me, red faced.

I wanted to say something back to them. Something clever and witty that  proved they didn't hurt my feelings or exacerbate my already vulnerable  state. But all I could do was not give them the satisfaction of tears.  Those would come in the privacy of my home.

They picked up their pace and mine slowed. I waited well outside of the  locker room, staring at my phone, trying to be invisible like the teen  girls earlier that day. Last year I would have been amongst the crowd,  talking easily. What had happened?

I didn't comprehend a thing on my phone's screen. I was itching for the  safety of my car, wishing for my old life back. But is that what I  really wanted? The façade?

Boys, showered and dressed, started filing out of the locker room. Some  went their own way, others into the congratulatory arms of their  parents. With each emerging player, I looked to see if it was Cody. What  was taking him so long? He finally came out wearing his winner's grin.  He was joined by one of his teammates, Jayvin. They were laughing and  talking.

"Cody." I waved, anxious to go, though I was the only one of two parents left now.

He ran my way and did exactly what I needed him to do. He threw his arms around me.

"Did you see me?" For a moment, he sounded like my little boy.

"You were amazing! Everyone thought so. They're sorry they all had to  leave early, but they wanted me to tell you congratulations. And," I  handed him the wad of cash I had stashed in my jacket pocket, "this is  Mimsy's way of congratulating you."

He took the cash. "Awesome." He took a breath and lowered his voice and head. "Did Dad come?"

I thought my heart couldn't break any more, but it was like a meteorite hit and a crater was formed right in the center of it.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, honey, no."

He shrugged. "It's no big deal."

"That's not true. It's okay to be disappointed."

He shook his head in defiance. I understood that. I had done the same thing many times.

"Jayvin was wondering if I could go to his house for a while. Some of us  are getting together for pizza and video games to celebrate." His eyes  begged me to let him go so he could forget that I was it. I knew he  wasn't trying to slight me.