Charlotte’s stomach flopped. She shook her head, hating him in that moment far more than she’d ever loved him. “I don’t,” she said with finality.
His eyes clouded. “There are some details we need to discuss regarding the wedding contracts.”
“The wedding is off,” she said angrily. “I cancelled it. Remember?”
“Your wedding to Syed is off. I am referring to your wedding to me.”
Charlotte froze. Had she heard correctly? “I’m not marrying you,” she mumbled. “No way.”
His smile was pure, arrogant confidence. “You misunderstood my cousin,” he said softly. “You are basing your decisions and actions on the fact that you were hurt by what he said, and what you thought it meant. Allow me to explain now, so you can think through what you want.”
“I know what I want.” She squared her shoulders and turned, walking slowly towards the tennis courts. She breathed through the palm trees with relief. Ashad was with her, his frame a silent companion to hers.
“Tell me,” he encouraged once they were on the court. It was dark here, save for the moonlight and the twinkling of stars, but the noise of the party carried to them as a large, swirling background.
“I want you to leave me alone,” she said coldly.
He ignored the statement; he was almost positive it was a pride-saving remark. “I would never seduce a woman for any reason other than desire. Syed was desperate when he suggested it. I do not think he truly wanted me to sleep with you, only to somehow put an end to the engagement he felt suffocated by.”
“Gee, thanks,” she drawled sarcastically. “That makes me feel so much better.”
A muscle jerked in his jaw. “But I fell in love with you all on my own. From the moment I met you I knew I could not do anything that would hurt you. I knew that I wanted to find a way to dissolve your engagement to him, but only so that you were free to marry me.”
“Why didn’t you just tell Adin that you wanted to marry me? Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” She responded angrily. “All those conversations over where I’d live and how many children I’d have; you had so many opportunities to ask me to marry you instead. To tell me that you wanted me.”
“It happened so fast, Charlotte, and I have never been in love before.” He reached for her now, but stopped short of touching her, dropping his hand back to his side. “I spoke to my uncle and he was adamant that you would marry Syed. I slept with you to break your engagement once and for all. I intended to tell my uncle, yes. But only to force his hand into allowing me to take the place of your groom.”
“And did you think about what I wanted?” She snapped. “Did it occur to you that I might not want to be manoeuvred and shared about like property?”
He was, momentarily, stricken. “It never occurred to me that you wouldn’t want to marry me,” he said honestly. “Was I wrong, Charlotte, to think that you loved me? To think that you looked at me and wished it was me, not him?”
She shook her head, tears stinging her eyes. “I did wish it. But I didn’t know then what you were capable of.”
“Capable of?” He whispered. “What I did was awful, but you were never supposed to be hurt by it. I saw you slipping away from me. Even after we made love you talked of marrying Syed! You were as trapped by that damned betrothal as he was! I wanted to free you …”
“But only so that I would marry you. I just told you, that makes me feel like property. You make me feel like I have no say in my own destiny.”
He nodded, his eyes soft when they met hers. “Let me give you the say you want. I am asking you to marry me. I am asking you to be not just my wife, but my partner in every way. I am offering myself to you entirely – I am yours, Charlotte. I will live here in Falina with you, I will rule by your side, if you’ll allow me, but always, and forever who I am, what I am, and my heart will be in your hands. Marry me or not, but you should know that I am yours. Always.”
She caught her breath in her throat and shook her head, confusion making her uncertain now.
His voice was thick with urgency. “Have you ever surfed a wave?”
“Yeah. My paralysing fear of water is immune to waves.”
He smiled, but her sarcasm didn’t silence his thoughts. “Close your eyes.”
“Why?” She asked, but something like magic was swirling around her.
“Trust me.”
She arched a perfectly shaped brow at him. “Seriously?”
He nodded. “Trust me.”
With a huff, she did as he said, sweeping her lashes down over her cheeks.
“Imagine sitting on a surf board, deep in the ocean. The waves are breaking just in front of you. You watch them rolling in, but more than that, you feel them. Every swell shifts beneath you, as though the ocean is breathing in and you are a part of its lungs. Then there’s one – a big one. It feels different to the others and somehow, deep inside, you feel that it’s different. You simply know it’s strong enough to go the distance. Or perhaps you don’t, but you know you want to take a chance. You paddle forward, your arms strong in the current of water, trying to catch the string of the wave, until the board begins to propel itself. Then you stand, easily, because the wave has made the board steady beneath you. And suddenly, you’re on top of the world, like a dolphin or bird, churning towards the coast, surrounded by water that curls above you, inviting you into a tunnel. The sun is warm, the water cool, and the smell of salt is in your pores. It is one of the most powerful things I have ever felt.”
Her breath was shallow as the evocative description flitted through her mind’s eye. “I can’t even imagine what that feels like,” she said softly, caught in his words.
“Don’t you feel it?” A deep, dark query, compelling and intriguing her. “Don’t you feel that’s what we are? There is a wave beneath us, Charlotte, and it is pulling us towards the shore. We are on the same board, we feel the same wave, and no matter what, it will bring us to shore together. It is as it is.”
She blinked her eyes open and stared down at him, for he had knelt now.
“I am asking you to marry me. I ask you with the blessing of my uncle, and your parents. I offer you my heart in the full knowledge that you have every right, and perhaps every reason, to reject it.” He lifted his hands now, taking hers in them. “Surf this wave with me, Charlotte. Let me live by your side, sharing our days. Let me teach you to swim, and watch that joy on your face as you experience it anew. Let me take away your worries when you wish me to, let me be there for you.”
“Ash,” she murmured, shaking her head again, but her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. “I’ve been so miserable.”
He was still. Watchful.
“After Marook, I never thought I would trust a man again. I was happy to marry Syed – a virtual stranger – because I didn’t believe I would ever fall in love. When Syed came to the embassy and I realised how foolish I’d been, I was so angry. At you, at myself. Perhaps too angry.” She squeezed his hand and then turned, walking towards one of the seats that lined the court. “I didn’t give you a chance to explain then. I was in so much pain. All the old wounds seemed to have been ripped open and I couldn’t stand to look at you and think that you’d used me.”
He stood, walking with slow purpose towards her. “I used what we felt to push your hand,” he said. “In the spirit of honesty, I tell you that. I believed that sleeping together would force you to admit you didn’t want to marry Syed. But more than that …”
“It was the wave,” she finished for him, her smile heavy on her face as he came to sit beside her.
“Yes. The wave.” He put a hand on her knee and a thud of awareness travelled through her.
“You went back to Kalastan?” She asked, almost conversationally.
“I had to.” Slowly he padded his thumb over the fabric of her dress, as though the gentle motion was helping him think. “My uncle was furious. I had to meet with him and organise my affairs. Whether you marry me or not, I have chosen to remain in Falina, where I have the most chance of seeing you often.” His smile was intended to tease but it showed such sadness that her heart ached for him.
She stood jerkily, and paced the court in front of him, her mind rushing to connect dots and make plans. “I have been engaged to two men already. I don’t know if I want to be engaged to a third.” She stared at him long and hard.
His expression was impossible to comprehend. “I’m not here to pressure you,” he said finally, the words dark and gravelled.
Her smile shone with the power of every star above them. “So let’s not be engaged. Let’s just get married.”
He was surprised. It showed on his face, but only for a minute. Then, he was standing, his arms rushing around her, pulling her to his chest. His kiss was defined by hunger and need. He kissed her as though he had been thinking about it for a month, just like she had. He kissed her as though he’d never stop. And Charlotte hoped he wouldn’t.
It was a kiss of new beginnings; a kiss of promise.