The Sheikh's Prize(30)

Zahir almost crushed her in his arms. 'Is that the impression I'm giving   you? That it was somehow your fault that some filthy pervert abused   your trust? That's not how I feel. I'm furious the bastard got away with   it, furious your mother wouldn't listen to you, furious I wasn't there   to prevent it happening in the first place!' he spelt out in a savage   undertone.

'You're angry.'

'But not with you, with the people who have hurt you and let you down,   even though I'm one of their number,' he muttered, his breathing   fracturing as he scooped her up and brought her carefully down on the   bed with him, holding her close to every line of his long, lean   physique. 'Facing the fact that you'd been abused must have been very   difficult for you.'

'Apparently it's quite common for children to suppress memories of that   kind of assault,' Saffy whispered unevenly, reassured by the solid  thump  of his heart against her breast and the reality that he was  hugging her  without demonstrating any symptoms of revulsion towards  her. 'I felt  horrible but, on one level, it was a relief to find out  what had made me  the way I was. I knew I'd never be able to have  another relationship  until I could overcome my problems.'

'I wish I'd known. What treatment did you have?'

'I had loads of supportive counselling and then a physical   intervention,' Saffy explained hesitantly. 'I had muscle relaxants   injected to prevent the contractions and a dilator was inserted while I   was still unconscious. For a long time I slept with it inserted   overnight...' As Zahir looked down at her, her face was burning. 'I had   to learn to accept my own body and to touch myself. I'd always avoided   that without ever wondering why. I assumed I was just very fastidious, I   didn't know I suffered from an actual phobia until we got married and   it all went wrong. But after I had completed the treatment I did hope  to  find a lover once I'd worked through all the recovery steps.'

'And why didn't you do that?' Zahir demanded, stunning dark golden eyes   pinned to her. 'I shouldn't have thought that would have been a   challenge.'

'You'd be surprised. I not only wanted a man who attracted me, but also   one whom I cared something about. Having waited so long and gone  through  so much to find the answer to my problems, I didn't want just  anyone!'  Saffy explained with spirit. 'Unfortunately the right guy  didn't appear.  To most of the men I met, I would only have been a  trophy. I wanted  more than that from a man. I believed I deserved more  than that.'                       
       
           



       

His lush black lashes semi-screened his glittering scrutiny, colour   lying in a hard line along his fabulous cheekbones. 'Then how on earth   did you contrive to settle for me again?'

Saffy stiffened. 'I was still very attracted to you...don't know why,'   she dared to pronounce, watching his amazing eyes smoulder at that   challenge into glowing golden flames. 'I told myself that being with you   didn't mean anything to me emotionally and that I was simply using you   to get rid of my virginity.'

Zahir nodded very slowly and then bent his head to steal a kiss that   made her head spin, and her fingers clutched frantic handfuls of his   luxuriant black hair. The pressure of his mouth combined with the   penetration of his tongue was an intoxicating thrill, so that when he   lifted his head again, separating them, she frowned.

'I told myself a lot of lies that night in the tent as well. I couldn't   admit how I still felt about you,' he confided with a hard twist of his   mouth. 'In fact in the time we were divorced I had grown unreasonably   and unjustly bitter.'

'Bitter?' she queried.

'Bitter that I'd loved and lost you and that you appeared to be having a   hell of a good time without me. Even worse, I couldn't forget you,' he   confessed harshly. 'There you were in my sister's magazines, which she   was always leaving lying around, seemingly enjoying a party lifestyle   with various different men. I was angry and jealous... There, I have   said it at last! I wanted you back from the moment I lost you and I   never changed towards you. I loved you five years ago and I love you   even more now...'

'You...do?' Saffy was enchanted by that admission and the ferocious fervent force with which he spoke and studied her.

'I love you and I always will.' Zahir groaned because the wife he adored   was not a patient woman and she was stroking her hand down his taut,   powerful thigh with rousing intent.

'I love you too... I didn't stop loving you either,' Saffy confided.   'But I was too proud to admit that. At first, I wanted you to believe   I'd had other lovers.'

'It wouldn't have mattered if you had had. I would still love you. I've   grown up too,' Zahir declared. 'Circumstances tore us apart.'

'But you brought us back together again.' Saffy scored a fingernail   along the rippling muscle of one thigh, loving his instant response to   her provocation. 'You kidnapped me.'

'I also asked you to be my mistress. I'm ashamed of that,' he said   bluntly. 'But I wanted you any way I could get you... I couldn't face   losing you again but my behaviour was inexcusable.'

Saffy stared down at him and suddenly grinned, unable to hide her   amusement. 'But that behaviour was very much you. You can't fight what   you are inside: direct, bold, passionate. I couldn't believe you still   wanted me that much after our disastrous year together.'

'I honestly did believe that it was I who had failed you in the   bedroom,' Zahir told her tautly. 'I assumed my clumsiness and ignorance   had scared you, that I'd hurt you, given you a fear of intimacy.'

'No...no, it wouldn't have mattered who I was with, it would have been   the same, but another man might not have had your patience,' she argued,   her eyes not leaving his for a second as, drawn like a moth to a  flame,  she slowly lowered her mouth to his. 'You were very kind and   understanding when you must have been hugely sexually frustrated.'

It was Zahir's turn to smile. 'No, you took care of me in other ways and I had few complaints.'

Saffy tensed. 'Doesn't knowing about the...er...abuse turn you off?'

'No, it makes you even more worthy of being the love of my life. I know   how strong you must be to have got through that and dealt with it.'  With  gentle fingers he smoothed a stray strand of golden hair from her  brow.  'I know how hard I had to work coming to terms with what was done  to me  while I was imprisoned by my father...'

'I still can't stand the thought of that,' she admitted chokily, her eyes filming over.

'Omar and I were raised like spoilt little rich kids with titles. Being   powerless and a victim taught me a lot that I needed to learn for the   benefit of others,' Zahir delivered wryly, rolling over to slide a long,   hard thigh between hers and nudge her knees apart. 'I want to make  love  to you...I want to know that you're mine forever.'

Loving the weight of him against her, Saffy gave him a teasing smile. 'I   hope you do appreciate that you will be stuck with me for ever.'                       
       
           



       

'I was terrified that that might not be the case,' Zahir sliced in,   claiming a hungry driving kiss that left her breathless. 'Afraid that   you were keeping your options open and planning to ask me for a divorce   some day.'

'As long as you can kiss me like that, you're pretty safe,' Saffy teased, watching heat flare in his gaze.

He made love to her with all the scorching passion of his temperament   and when she finally subsided in the strong circle of his arms, alight   with happiness and the glorious aftermath of incredible physical   pleasure, she snuggled close to him. 'I'm not going anywhere away from   you ever again,' she swore vehemently.

Zahir grinned, splayed long fingers over her still-flat tummy and gently   stroked it. 'So, you'll sleep in a tent with me next time I ask?'

'As long as it has electric and hot and cold running water,' Saffy specified. 'You're really happy about the baby, aren't you?'

A slashing smile scythed across his lean bronzed features. 'Of course   I'm excited about the baby, the next generation. We'll be a family as I   always dreamt. I still remember the first time I saw you in that  store,'  he confided huskily. 'And people don't believe in love at first  sight.'

'I do...' Lacing her fingers into his thick, tousled black hair, Saffy   looked up into his gorgeous eyes with a heart beating like a drum. 'And   after what we've been through together and apart, I also believe that a   love like that can last for ever...'